My partner is blowing hot and cold and doesn't know what she wants

[anewhope]

I have been with my partner for 6 years now, we are in our 30's and we have generally had a good relationship and both want the same things! We have a home together. However she has recently questioned our relationship in the last few months. She has been to see a counsellor with regards to this and her difficult upbringing. She knows I am a really good man which is making the decision difficult for her. I have told her that I love her and want to be with her, I know what I want and will support her through this time.

 

The thing is she is blowing hot and cold, it can change from day to day, week to week, some weeks she can be fine, we can have fun and be our old selves, then the next week I can sense she is off. She has recently said she does'nt want sex with me until she feels like it again.

 

Also the really confusing thing is she booked a holiday for us both before christmas, but now she says she will go alone as she is not sure she wants me to go with her, she wants time to herself, but can't give me a definite answer if I'm still to go or not. She has also said she is thinking of moving out when she comes back...but she will date me again to see how it goes. I have to laugh!!!

 

As you will appreciate this all leaves me hanging and I'm really beginning to resent her now. I didn't mind giving her some space and being supportive, but it just seems like she wants to have her cake and eat it when it comes to moving out and dating me again! Am I there 'just in case' she doesnt meet someone else? Am I there 'just to help soften the blow'? Am I there just in case it doesnt work with someone else?

 

Its coming to the point where I will need to make the decision myself as she is so up and down and all over the place and its really starting to drive me crazy!

 

Thoughts much appreciated.

[milly007]

I'd be inclined to break things off if my partner was treating me this way. You're either with me, or you're not. I wouldn't want to be left in limbo wondering whether my partner wants to be with me or not.

[Ms Darcy]

I think she is in beginning stages of uncoupling. She is leaning towards ending things but doesn't want to lose your friendship.

[NatalieGon]

Ahh... I'm sorry to hear that. It sucks, I know..

 

But I have to agree with the others- it's time to let it go.. She might realize that she doesn't want to loose you, but she needs to be alone to come to this decision. Only when all the attachment is gone you can start thinking clearly. If you're gonna stay around- you'll put yourself at risk and then in worst case scenario it will just crash and burn.

 

Relationship/partnership happens only when both people are in it 100%. if someone is half ass in- no one's happy. no one gets what they want..

 

Hope you sort it out soon! Good luck!

[Wiseman2]

Excellent she's going to counselling. Perhaps the therapist will help her sort things out or uncover depression, etc.

 

Is she working? Has she started seeing or talking to someone else? If it were just depression or issues, she wouldn't talk about moving out and couple it with string-along talk, buying time and all that.

 

Don't be in limbo. Ask for a definitive decision regarding moving out and don't buy all this wishy-washy 'we'll date after I move out" nonsense.

She has been to see a counsellor

The thing is she is blowing hot and cold, it can change from day to day, week to week,

She has recently said she does'nt want sex

now she says she will go alone as she is not sure she wants me to go with her, she wants time to herself,

She has also said she is thinking of moving out when she comes back

[Hollyj]

I'd be inclined to break things off if my partner was treating me this way. You're either with me, or you're not. I wouldn't want to be left in limbo wondering whether my partner wants to be with me or not.

 

I agree, Also, don't do the dating thing.