gracefor8 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 My boyfriend and I have had a lot of struggles lately. First , we are long distance, which comes with its own challenges. He lost an uncle he was close to a few weeks ago, two weeks before that he had food poisoning, and work as been stressful for him the last couple of months. He has been drinking quite a bit and not wanting to talk very often. The emotional distance between us has been profound. I have tried to be supportive and suspect he is depressed. Then, two nights ago, he said he feels indifferent towards me and towards us. He said he loves me , isn't breaking up , but feels indifferent . He has been thinking it is a fleeting feeling. I was hurt when I heard this. We have been together for 7 months, and known each other for 6 years. I did not react emotionally. I suspect this is caused by what he is going through right now. I would like us to work out, and I know we love each other. I am just lost on what to do. Can a relationship come back from this and survive ? We decided to leave things as they are between us; we didn't break up. I suggested we take a step back and talk again in a few days. Any suggestions or experience with this soft of thing ? Link to comment
gebaird Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 7 months seems awfully soon for this to be happening. Most couples are still twitterpated at that stage. Obviously this relationship has had more than the usual pressures, but I'm not sure these challenges add up to indifference. Does he have a history of depression or anxiety? Everyone grieves differently, but I'd hate to see you try to keep this together only to break up in the end. I would make a list of things you want in a relationship. Periodically compare it to what you actually have. If things aren't better in a few months, get the hell out. Link to comment
gracefor8 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 7 months seems awfully soon for this to be happening. Most couples are still twitterpated at that stage. Obviously this relationship has had more than the usual pressures, but I'm not sure these challenges add up to indifference. Does he have a history of depression or anxiety? Everyone grieves differently, but I'd hate to see you try to keep this together only to break up in the end. I would make a list of things you want in a relationship. Periodically compare it to what you actually have. If things aren't better in a few months, get the hell out. He does have a history of depression and tends to isolate and shut down when that happens. Link to comment
gebaird Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 He does have a history of depression and tends to isolate and shut down when that happens. This is probably what you are dealing with, then. It's very hard to be in a relationship with someone who suffers from depression (my wife suffers from depression, so I know what it's like). I think it's important to acknowledge that you can't fix him, no matter how much you may want to. Your tendency may be to stay and help him, even though he is pushing you away. Just don't forget to acknowledge your own needs in all of this. Link to comment
gracefor8 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 I like your advice of giving it a few months , but acknowledging my own needs, too. My tendency is to stay and help when I know a loved one is dealing with something they cannot control. How have you made it work with your situation? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I can only speak for myself, and if a lover ever said that to me, I'd kindly tell him he's welcome to go and be indifferent by himself. People are not projects. You can't nurse the guy out of depression, and if you try, you'll harm your own self esteem for zero payoff. I'd tell the guy that he's welcome to contact me if he ever decides that he feel differently, and if I'm still available then, we might meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best. It's 7 months. This tells you that the guy can turn on a dime. Sure, you might resurrect some of the attraction he held for you a few months back, but that's not exactly much comfort in the face of his ability to go numb on you during what might otherwise be considered a 'honeymoon' period. I'd skip that. Head high, and respect yourself. Link to comment
gracefor8 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 Well we got in touch today. This is what he sent me in a text "I'm not ready to plunge back into anything, but I am open to it. Not ready to talk, etc. obviously, I have a lot of things I need to work on in the meantime." This really is a polite way of saying it's over, isn't it? I haven't replied yet. I have no idea what to say. Just so very sad. Link to comment
angrythoughts Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Well we got in touch today. This is what he sent me in a text "I'm not ready to plunge back into anything, but I am open to it. Not ready to talk, etc. obviously, I have a lot of things I need to work on in the meantime." This really is a polite way of saying it's over, isn't it? I haven't replied yet. I have no idea what to say. Just so very sad. Ask him what he means by that. What I'm getting from this is he doesn't feel like communicating but "plunge back" into what? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 "Not now, maybe later, maybe not later". Link to comment
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