Made a Mistake, How Do I Fix This?

[vehementmav]

Hey guys,

 

So on Wednesday Feb 1, my girlfriend of a year confronted me with a long text saying that she doesn't feel like dating anymore and she'd rather be my friend. Let me get this straight: For the first 10 or 11 months, we had a fantastic relationship! It is definetely someting worth reviving. I didn't take this lightly and I told her that we are going to be dating or we will break up, no friendship. I said some insulting things that I wish I could take back, as I should've left her alone. I was very mad and sad, and I lashed out at her over the next few days. On Sunday the 5th, we officially split.

 

I could tell that when she told me she'd rather be friends, she was absolutely still attached as she said "I just don't know if dating is what is best for me, but I really don't want to ****ing lose you"

 

For the next five days, I talked to her and begged. BIG MISTAKE. During this time, she has told me that we became distant during the relationship and she lost her feelings for me entirely. She also told me that her perspective of me changed when I lashed out at her, and doesn't know if she'd even like to be freinds anymore, because she was exposed to a "side of me that she's never seen before". I apologized a lot for my role in the breakup, and told her I was changing. She thinks that if we ever did get back together, I'd fall back into my own ways again. So based on what I've seen on the internet, last night I told her I was done begging and that time apart will be beneficial to us both. I am initiationg no contact now due to the popularity of the method.

 

Yesterday I asked her if she felt the same way as she did when she originally confronted me and said, "right now, no" Is this permanent? Have I ruined my chances completely?

 

What do I do? Is it too late to recover from the begging? Is there anything else I should be doing? How do I show her I've actually changed while going about no contact?

 

Thanks in advance!

Mav

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How old is she? It sounds like she's been contemplating this for a while and was unhappy with whatever those "old ways" were. What did she cite as the problem?

 

Good idea to go no contact, but not as a retrieval method, but to heal and reflect on what's going on. Why did she "lose her feelings"? Were there a lot of arguments about something, like drinking,etc.

she has told me that we became distant during the relationship and she lost her feelings for me entirely. She thinks that if we ever did get back together, I'd fall back into my own ways again.

[vehementmav]

well i became wrapped up in my work and we became really distant. We did fight sometimes, but nothing too bad. She's convinced that there's no way to get back what we had. What should I do?

[angrythoughts]

You should do nothing. The more you try the more it'll push her away. Do your no contact thing in an attempt to move on, not get her back. Is her feelings as of now for you permanent you ask? Who knows. People's feelings change over night and over time. Sometimes they don't. Your role for now however should be to keep your distance and live your life.

[SooSad33]

Since Feb 1st?

How have you 'changed'? You're still upset and steaming over all of this....

 

Sadly, I doubt it''ll go anywhere from here. She sounds done with it all

 

As for friendship? No. We cannot be friends with an ex while those 'feelings' are still there. Just respect her choice and work on accepting now and healing..

[mgsportsfan252]

Everyone handles the whole let's be friends thing differently. But right now is not the time to even think about that.

 

If she tries to push it on you, don't force yourself one way or the other.