MPellet Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Hello. My question, I've been with a girl for a year now. We have lived together for the last 2 months. I have 2 kids that live with me. She has no kids. I plan on proposing to her really soon ,but the last few weeks have made me think twice. She gets along great with my son who is 14,but seems to have a problem with my daughter who is 17. It's like she wants my daughter to get in trouble, she is always saying things about her, how she never helps around the house or how t She thinks she is lying to me. My daughter went to a sleep over a few weeks ago and got sick, the mother drove her home at 3am. It sounds fishy so I called the mom and she said it was bad takeout food. Then my daughter had the bathroom heater in her room, my GF went to get it and said she found a ring box with ADHD meds. 4 pills. My gf thought I was hiding a engagement ring for her. I questioned my daughter and she had no idea what they were but several of her friends are on the same meds. Yesterday the kids report cards came in, my son failed 1 class really bad and I took away some of his video game time, she said I shouldn't do that. My daughter passed everything, barely, but said I should ground her I love my GF more then anyone I've met but this is starting to concern me What do I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derroax Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 What's the hurry to propose to her? Give it some time to make sure there is harmony at home, you've only been together a year and living together (all 4 of you!) only for 2 months. Just based on the little info you provided (without knowing your girlfriend or your daughter), I would do two things: - tell girlfriend that if you are to have a future together, she has to love and care about both your children. They will always be your priority over her and you have a duty of care to them until they move out. - agree the rules. She is new in the household and probably can't tell your children off, but she needs to have some authority as an adult in terms of asking for help etc. You also need to set boundaries and let her know when she needs to consult with you - i.e. If she tells your daughter what time she has to be home. Not all children are academic and punishing them is not always necessarily the best course of action. Do you trust your parenting style? Then you need to ask her to back off. And you also need to balance this by asking for her advice on other occasions so she feels involved. Once you've agreed this as a couple, you need to communicate to your children what her authority is in the household to make sure they don't feel "mothered" by surprise. At the end of the day it's about finding a balance, give everyone some time to adjust to the new living arrangement especially if there is no immediate pressure to get engaged right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Your kids are forever. Girlfriends can go anytime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 It's good you are seeing this now. Perhaps moving a gf with no kids in after dating only 10 mos was a bit rushed and both your kids and she are having trouble adjusting. You are the father and their mother is the mother. Your gf should not be m calling the shots about how you and their mother raise them. Develop a better relationship and visitation/custody agreement with their mother. Perhaps your daughter needs her mother more now, maybe she could stay there, live there more. This gf is simply on the warpath and nasty to your daughter. Your gf seems a bit toxic to your kids. Ignore her discipline tips and bizarre intrusions on how you and their mother have raised and are still raising them. You should be communicating their grades, their issues etc with their mother not this live-in gf. Remind your gf that You are the parent, not her. When she does this simply say 'Hmmm, I'll have to talk to their mother, teacher, etc about this'. I've been with a girl for a year now. We have lived together for the last 2 months. I have 2 kids that live with me. She has no kids. She gets along great with my son who is 14,but seems to have a problem with my daughter who is 17. I questioned my daughter and she had no idea what they were but several of her friends are on the same meds. Yesterday the kids report cards came in, my son failed 1 class really bad and I took away some of his video game time, she said I shouldn't do that. My daughter passed everything, barely, but said I should ground her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 How old is your girlfriend, and does she have any women friends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 All the other drama that proceeded the mention of how she treats your children doesn't matter. It's dramatic noise. You sound like a smart man who has things figured and is able to navigate a difficult divorce and still co parent wisely. That is commendable. How is it you aren't able to see yourself out of the drama this other woman is bringing into your life?? Your kids deserve better. Stand behind them and do the right thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeino Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Your GF goes into the room of a 17 year old and opens boxes with the hope of finding an engagement ring? I'm 40, and if this was done in my room by my father's GF when I was 17, I would bite both of them. Today, I could react even more severely. I think you and your GF need to sit down (maybe at a pre-marital counselling environment) to discuss parental roles. Guidance from a professional could also help you decide how and when to involve children in this, find out their feelings etc. I have a feeling that at one point this will come to your GF's insecurities about your relationship - sometimes GFs feel more threatened by daughters than sons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KantSleep Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Years back I had a BF who treated my then 12 year old son in a way I did not like. I decided right then and there I will never throw my kids under the bus, not for any man. He was gone before you knew it. In your case, I would be honest with her and what you see. If she doesn't like what she hears and won't work on fixing it, consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet. I do hope it works out for the best, but the GF seems wrong here, and perhaps has jealousy issues or some underlying problem with your daughter that she must correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MPellet Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 How old is your girlfriend, and does she have any women friends? She is 36 I'm 44 Yes she has a decent amount of female friends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I just wondered because she definitely seems to be trying to get a wedge in between you and your daughter and I just wondered if it's because she's jealous specifically of your daughter, or because she has a pattern of not liking women. Either way, the fact that she was rooting through your daughters room is messed up. She carries on like this and you won't have a daughter because her behaviour will not get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Your kids are forever. Girlfriends can go anytime. Exactly. Don't be that guy who prioritizes your gf over your child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I'd walk away from anyone who isn't kind to EACH of my kids. Period. Your kids are dependent on you to use good judgment on their behalf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chitown9 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Your girlfriend is forcing your hand to choose her or your daughter. What are you going to do? chi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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