Sl12345 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 I have recently found out my husband has been texting another woman.I found out that he had given his phone number out to her at a nightclub a few months ago, paid for taxi home and had been talking ever since, calling and texting each other. He says that they havent met up and are just friends. I dont know what to think.
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Does he admit going to clubs picking up women? How did you encounter this information? How are they "friends" if they never met?I have recently found out my husband has been texting another woman.I found out that he had given his phone number out to her at a nightclub a few months ago, paid for taxi home. He says that they havent met up and are just friends
DancingFool Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 What I would be thinking and telling him is that either he loses that contact info or he will soon be sending me half his paycheck while living out of some trailer somewhere because that's all he can afford for the rest of his life. Oh and if he ever pulls this stunt again, there will not be any further warnings or conversations, he will simply be served with divorce documents. End of.
MissCanuck Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 They're not just friends. He shouldn't be giving out his number to women in nightclubs to begin with, let alone striking up "friendships" with them. Sorry, but sounds like he was on the prowl and got caught. How did you discover this?
Sl12345 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 He admitted how he got her number but said he hasnt done this since. She texted him when we were together so asked who she was as i didnt recognise her name. At first he just said a friend. A few days later i kept seeing texts from her thats when he admitted it
Betterwithout Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Men don't meet "friends" at nightclubs. He is looking for side action. Was he reaction to you finding out on the defensive or very casual (this is telling of his innocence or lack thereof) How did you learn of it, did you check his phone?
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Sorry but you don't pick up opposite sex "friends" in nightclubs.
Sl12345 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 Men don't meet "friends" at nightclubs. He is looking for side action. Was he reaction to you finding out on the defensive or very casual (this is telling of his innocence or lack thereof) How did you learn of it, did you check his phone? Yeah i saw his phone. When i asked he tried to dismiss it like he didnt want to talk about until i pushed him for information
Betterwithout Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 When i asked he tried to dismiss it like he didnt want to talk about until i pushed him for information from where I sit, that is guilt. He has something to hide.
ShatteredMan Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 She's his "Plan B" whether he admits it or not.
RainyCoast Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 how did you confront the marital crisis? did it just end with him admitting where he met her? what do the both of you plan to do about this situation, individually and together?
Sl12345 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 how did you confront the marital crisis? did it just end with him admitting where he met her? what do the both of you plan to do about this situation, individually and together? I had to ask where he met her. He just answered the questions that i asked. When i bought it up again he just says he doesnt want to talk about because he feels bad. Im not sure what to do going forward.
RainyCoast Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 so he isn't saying that he will stop, and he isn't saying that he wants to work on whatever made him behave this way in the first place. you have free reign here. you get to set your terms and conditions.
DancingFool Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 I had to ask where he met her. He just answered the questions that i asked. When i bought it up again he just says he doesnt want to talk about because he feels bad. Im not sure what to do going forward. Sorry but when you are married you don't get that kind of a copout. You two do need to talk. Not about her, but rather what's going on with him and your marriage at large. The million dollar question here is whether this was just a momentary lapse of judgment because it was flattering to have a woman come after him like that or whether he allowed this because things are lacking in the marriage and he is starting to look elsewhere. Regardless, I think you need to show some major spine and tell him flat out that either he deletes her and blocks all contact and makes sure this kind of stuff never happens again or his marriage is over for certain.
Jeffbobo Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Seriously, when I was married, unless meeting someone in a nightclub and exchanging numbers had to do with business networking or *maybe* even a shared interest that I was passionate about, exchsnging numbers and carrying on just didn't happen. It didn't even cross my mind. Subsequently, a married guy who I used to know would do this all the time, flirt heavily with woman and cheated a couple times. He used to say, "I just want to see if I still got it". He's still married and I'm not so what the heck do I know? Lol. The point is, unless it's for the reasons that I've stated above and more importantly, if he can't give you a direct reason, then I'd say there is reason for concern and a truthful conversation needs to be had. Maybe it is like the guy I mentioned above in that he wants to see that "he's still got it". Still desirable to other women. Not my way of going about things and if you're secure in yourself and *know* it, then none of this is necessary. If you have a good bond with someone as wel, none of this is necessary.
ParisPaulette Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Do you feel the need to give out your phone number to men you meet in nightclubs and then strike up a friendship with them? No. Then why put up with it from your husband. The old "we're just friends" yeah right. Tell him if that's the case he needs to bring her over to dinner, so you can meet her too. She's just a friend, right? Maybe text her and tell her hi and you're his wife, and understand they're just friends and all and you'd like to be friends too. See what she says. Ten to one, she doesn't even know he's married. If you free and single I'd tell you to laugh at him, then dump him. But since you're married you need to protect your assets a bit more, so if it were me I'd nod and say, "Okay dear." Then get the texts off his phone, go see a divorce attorney, and pay for a P.I. to find out just what sort of "friend" she really is before serving him with papers and a note that says I'm really sorry he thought I was dumb enough to believe him. But that's just me and you will have to decide how to proceed on your own. But yeah, he's cheating on you. You don't go to nightclubs just get "friends" and what in the heck was he doing at a nightclub without you in the first place?
HeartGoesOn Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Tell him you'd love to meet his "friend," and have her over for dinner.
MissCanuck Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Tell him you'd love to meet his "friend," and have her over for dinner. This. She might not even know he is married, OP. You need to find your backbone and put your foot down.
KantSleep Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 I would feel hurt, threatened, deceived and angry. He might not want to talk about it, but it has to be discussed, in order to save the marriage. His actions is that of someone in the beginning phase of stepping out. The interloper already likely has an emotional hook on him. It needs to end and you two need to discuss how something like this could have happened. Good luck. I hope it works out.
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