I need closeness in order to have sex, he needs sex in order to feel close

[Rockchick26]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year. We have had many issues, but the longer I'm with him, the more I can see it all boils down to this conundrum; in order to want sex, I need to feel emotionally and mentally close with someone, like have deep meaningful conversations on a regular basis. I am not getting that with him anymore. We stopped having sex mostly because I am inexperienced and sex was painful for me and he got to the point where he couldn't even get off because of the pain I was in. But partly because I feel so much distance between us now that I just can't even bring myself to want sex anymore. We had a fight a few weeks ago and he said he has waited (for sex) long enough, and that if you ask any happy couple, they have a good sex life. At the time I didn't know how to respond to that so i said nothing, but now I realize the problem is I can't want sex when we don't communicate enough to make me feel respected and heard. He said I tend to have "verbal diarrhea" and he doesn't think most of it requires a response (he also said this about a lot of my texts). He wants me to call him so much but when I do, there are awkward silences and neither of us has much to say. When we hang out, I try to cuddle but he doesn't do much, and of course we barely talk, and he usually ends up falling asleep. He has said many times that he is waiting for me to make a move but I never do, well of course not, when he doesn't care for anything I say, I feel like we are already acting like a couple that has been married so long they just don't talk anymore.

 

He claims we haven't had sex since then because I havent initiated it but why would he need me to initiate it, I never did before either! So we haven't had sex in 7 months and the way things have been I don't even care to anymore. But I do love him and he says he loves me, he always says it first, he just said it a few days ago actually. He always texts me asking how my day is going, usually texts me goodnight too. When we first started dating, I asked him what his dealbreakers were, and he said a girl that doesn't like sex or doesn't have sex often. So why is he still with me? And why does he fight to keep me every time I say we should break up? I just don't know what to do because I dont think this will get better and I kinda feel like we're stuck in a repetitive loop. He can't feel close to me without having sex and I can't feel sexually into him without communicating on a deeper level. We WERE connecting good in the beginning but the awkward painful sex ruined that. In my eyes, he quit working on the sex issue and got distant because of it, and in his eyes, I don't initiate sex so he thinks I don't like him physically. I have no idea how to fix this problem or how to proceed, and with Valentines Day next week I am really freaking out about what to do.

[pippy longstocking]

Have you done anything about the sex problem for yourself , you clearly need to get sorted in that department or you will spend your life like this , not just with him but with other men if you decide to split , it just seems a bit redundant trying to sort out the connection between you both if , at the end of the day , you still can't have sex because it is painful .

[Matt3939]

I agree with pippy. Does it hurt if you do stuff by yourself? I'm guessing he is done trying. That's why he wants you to initiate. It's sort of like with my ex. She would get in a huff that I wouldn't have sex with her. But she made my life torcher why would I bother? You are right it is a loop.

[Batya33]

I don't think this is a sex problem. It's a communication and general compatibility problem. Do you agree that you overshare/overdramatize when you try to have those meaningful conversations? Are you in tune with his reactions as to whether the conversation is good timing for him, meaningful to him, or is it you basically venting/wanting a sounding board. Perhaps none of this is true -that you're an effective communicator and his criticisms are unwarranted. But it's worth thinking about because that can help you in future relationships too.

 

I think he is with you because he is giving this some time, because perhaps he is just comfortable and doesn't feel like dating others, etc. I think you should initiate sex -I'm married, we have chaotic schedules as parents/career people, etc and often we have to schedule sex and much of the time I have to let him know (because he sees how tired I am/frenetic and he says he doesn't want to put pressure on me) - so yes I initiate because we can't really be spontaneous. It's fine - all around.

 

Married couples don't run out of things to talk about. Married couples might enjoy comfortable silences and I mean enjoy - we sit a few feet away from each other at night for about 30mins-hour -I usually read and watch the news, he might get work done on the computer and sometimes we talk and sometimes we don't but it's a nice feeling, relaxing and yes, close. We don't run out of things to talk about because we're pretty well in tune with each other, we are curious about life including intellectually curious, we love to banter and joke about nonsense and have meaningful conversations -the whole mess of it. But think about how you're communicating, when, why etc - it might if you're honest with yourself improve your relationships/friendships, etc

[beternal]

Adding to what's been said above and I agree with all of it so far.

 

What is it about the sex that hurts? - length, girth, is he rough... or is it a consistent pain that has happened with others? I don't remember reading whether he was your first boyfriend or if there have been others so I'm trying to work out whether this is biology, mechanics or psychology (for lack of a better way to put it!).

 

-If he is unnaturally big then I would suggest spending time together just being really gentle and slow with it... or buy yourself an equally-sized *toy* and practice with that. I'm no girl but as far as I understand it, that area can stretch over time to accommodate larger things and will remain 'able'... it just takes continued use.

 

-If it's him being rough, well, be honest. Tell him to relax and take things more romantically.

 

-If it's because you don't want it without that connection, maybe you're consciously or unconsciously clenching and that's hurting! In which case, maybe focus more on the foreplay to get you in the mood or as you say, spend more time together talking and getting emotionally close.

 

-Could it also be a lubrication thing? That area can accommodate things a lot easier with sufficient lubrication so perhaps try that?

 

-...or it could be biology... maybe there's something wrong there and it might be worth going to a doctor to check out, although one of my friends has a similar thing (super tight... yes, she tells me everything!...) and she hasn't had sex either for the same reason.

 

The fact that you haven't had sex in a long time shows he's a nice guy. He's not forcing himself onto you and he wants you to initiate it because he wants you to want it and to know that you're ready. It'd be so easy for him to push you and guilt you into sex but he's not doing that.

[Perrin83]

I think this relationship is pretty much dead. You haven't had sex in the last 58% of your relationship.

 

Most people expect sex to slow down a few months into a relationship (but hope it doesn't). For sex to have completely stopped so soon...that's a death knell.

[Wiseman2]

Why don't you get help for the painful sex. See a gyn and a psychologist, since this has been a constant regardless of your connection.

 

It wouldn't matter who you are with or how much texting, etc. if the underlying problem is painful sex that you haven't properly addressed.

 

Of course the solution is to wait until you initiate since he doesn't want to force or hurt you. What guy in their right mind would initiate if his gf can't tolerate sex physically or emotionally?

 

"Deep communication" is not having a text buddy. If you can't talk face to face or on the phone then that's yet another problem. This has nothing to do with Vday if it's been a problem for most of your relationship.

We WERE connecting good in the beginning but the awkward painful sex ruined that. I don't initiate sex

[Krankor]

I think your boyfriend is a decent guy who has genuine affection and caring for you. He doesn't want to lose the relationship you have; he just wants sex, and his sexual frustration is making it hard for him to be Mr. Warmth all the time.

 

You definitely should get your sexual issues sorted out, either on your own or preferably with a specialist. Sex is part of the bargain, it's not just a nice bonus that some couples get to enjoy.

 

Your boyfriend wants you to initiate sex because he doesn't want to feel like he's pressuring or forcing himself on you. Again, he's a decent human being. Also, sometimes men want to feel wanted that way, too.

 

Are you committed to making this work, or are you too checked out now to care? If you are, that's OK. Then break up and don't get sucked back in. If you want to make it work, however, then tell your boyfriend that you want to begin having sex again and are going to get help for your issues. If he sees you making an effort that way, you may find that he's more attentive again. This will help give you the emotional connection you need.

 

You can't expect him to be OK with never having sex. It doesn't work that way.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Try to be more affectionate to him.

 

Mr. Warmth all the time.

]

[Pretzel]

This is a vicious cycle and I think you need to take the plunge and address it if you want your relationship to work. You can't just sit around and wait for him forever to be more communicative and have meaningful conversations, maybe he's just not that kind of guy -some men aren't that verbally expressive. Do you really not want to make your partner feel connected via sex? I agree that it seems to be more of a compatibility problem rather than anything else.

 

Can't you just tell him the same way that you told us what you need from him in order to have sex, and see if he's able to do that?

[Rockchick26]

Have you done anything about the sex problem for yourself , you clearly need to get sorted in that department or you will spend your life like this , not just with him but with other men if you decide to split , it just seems a bit redundant trying to sort out the connection between you both if , at the end of the day , you still can't have sex because it is painful .

 

I dont know what else I can do other than practice, the last 2 times we did it I told him to keep going because this is the only way to "break me in", lol, but he couldn't stay hard

[Rockchick26]

I agree with pippy. Does it hurt if you do stuff by yourself? I'm guessing he is done trying. That's why he wants you to initiate. It's sort of like with my ex. She would get in a huff that I wouldn't have sex with her. But she made my life torcher why would I bother? You are right it is a loop.

 

Well when i do stuff myself I'm not shoving anything big in there, lol I just use my finger which is like 1/3 the size of him.

[Rockchick26]

I don't think this is a sex problem. It's a communication and general compatibility problem. Do you agree that you overshare/overdramatize when you try to have those meaningful conversations? Are you in tune with his reactions as to whether the conversation is good timing for him, meaningful to him, or is it you basically venting/wanting a sounding board. Perhaps none of this is true -that you're an effective communicator and his criticisms are unwarranted. But it's worth thinking about because that can help you in future relationships too.

 

I definitely don't see myself as oversharing, he is always telling me I don't talk enough, which makes no sense cuz he also told me a lot of what i say doesn't require a response. Last week we went out to dinner and I had a few drinks and got more talkative than usual and he was quiet as usual and i just sat there for a minute and said 'sorry, i'm talking too much' and he said 'no, you're not, i love when you talk." ! Just a few weeks ago we did the same thing only he said the opposite! I don't get it.

 

Married couples don't run out of things to talk about. Married couples might enjoy comfortable silences and I mean enjoy - we sit a few feet away from each other at night for about 30mins-hour -I usually read and watch the news, he might get work done on the computer and sometimes we talk and sometimes we don't but it's a nice feeling, relaxing and yes, close. We don't run out of things to talk about because we're pretty well in tune with each other, we are curious about life including intellectually curious, we love to banter and joke about nonsense and have meaningful conversations -the whole mess of it. But think about how you're communicating, when, why etc - it might if you're honest with yourself improve your relationships/friendships, etc

 

That makes me sad, to compare my situation with yours, because it is awkward with us, and after the movie is over or after a certain amount of time (not enough in my eyes), he asks me to take him home. (He doesnt have a license)

[reinventmyself]

Ahhh. . .the war of the sexes!

 

I am about to make a generalization so bear with me.

 

Men need physical intimacy to feel close and then open up

and women need emotional intimacy to feel up to being physically close.

 

Men make love with their bodies and women make love with their minds. (or something like that)

 

So what do you do? You compromise.

There are times you'll need to be affectionate even when you aren't up for it.

Why? Because you love and care for your partner and want to please him.

 

In turn he should do the same. It's an act of good will. He should be able to connect with you in a meaningful way that is

important to you so you feel intimately close and desire physical intimacy.

 

You both become aware of this dynamic and differences between the two of you and have the genuine desire to make each other happy and work towards it.

 

Battling over it is the road to no where.

 

About the painful part. . you haven't been specific, so I can't answer to that.

 

He said I tend to have "verbal diarrhea"

[Wiseman2]

You need to see a gyn/psychologist. This isn't about emotions, communication, etc. If sex is physically impossible for you or for him, look into that. Do you get aroused/ready enough before sex through foreplay/oral?

the last 2 times we did it I told him to keep going because this is the only way to "break me in", but he couldn't stay hard. when i do stuff myself I'm not shoving anything big in there, I just use my finger which is like 1/3 the size of him.

 

"The symptoms of vaginismus vary person to person and may include:

Painful intercourse (dyspareunia), described as burning, stinging or tightness causing pain

Penetration is difficult or impossible

Long-term sexual pain with or without a known cause

Pain during tampon insertion

Pain during gynecological examination

Generalized muscle spasm or breathing cessation during attempted intercourse.

Vaginismus does not prevent people from becoming sexually aroused. However, the symptoms may lead people to become anxious about sexual intercourse, instilling a desire to avoid sex or vaginal penetration."

[reinventmyself]

You need to see a gyn/psychologist. This isn't about emotions, communication, etc. If sex is physically impossible for you or for him, look into that. Do you get aroused/ready enough before sex through foreplay/oral?

 

"."

 

I rarely disagree with you Wiseman, but for women it does often have a lot to do with emotions and communication.

 

If a woman feels as if she and her partner are not connecting and they in turn feel emotionally neglected, they are likely not feeling aroused and sex can be painful without it.

 

No amount of foreplay is going to work if I feel my partner isn't the least bit interested in me outside of the bedroom.

[Batya33]

I definitely don't see myself as oversharing, he is always telling me I don't talk enough, which makes no sense cuz he also told me a lot of what i say doesn't require a response. Last week we went out to dinner and I had a few drinks and got more talkative than usual and he was quiet as usual and i just sat there for a minute and said 'sorry, i'm talking too much' and he said 'no, you're not, i love when you talk." ! Just a few weeks ago we did the same thing only he said the opposite! I don't get it.

 

 

 

That makes me sad, to compare my situation with yours, because it is awkward with us, and after the movie is over or after a certain amount of time (not enough in my eyes), he asks me to take him home. (He doesnt have a license)

 

Are there times it is comfortable and if so can you figure out a pattern as to what helps that comfortable feeling?

[Rockchick26]

 

-If he is unnaturally big then I would suggest spending time together just being really gentle and slow with it... or buy yourself an equally-sized *toy* and practice with that. I'm no girl but as far as I understand it, that area can stretch over time to accommodate larger things and will remain 'able'... it just takes continued use.

 

He is big around, that's the part that hurts, not the length. I do have a similar sized toy and i've never been able to get that in further than the tip, lol The area should be stretching but apparently not enough? I dont know.

 

-If it's him being rough, well, be honest. Tell him to relax and take things more romantically.

 

He isn't rough, exactly, well put it this way; my first boyfriend wasn't rough enough so once he got in all the way, he just stopped and was content with just oral sex after that. But that was like 15 years ago, and apparently it tightened back up because i actually bled a lot the first 3 times with my current boyfriend, i think because he is wider around than my 1st boyfriend was. Although it hurt with him too, so my current boyfriend being wide isn't the entire problem, just half of it, lol

 

-If it's because you don't want it without that connection, maybe you're consciously or unconsciously clenching and that's hurting! In which case, maybe focus more on the foreplay to get you in the mood or as you say, spend more time together talking and getting emotionally close.

 

I dont think this is making it hurt, because back when we were having sex, that's when i felt the closest to him emotionally...but it wasn't BECAUSE of the sex, it was because we had just made it past a rough patch and I felt closer to him after that, and we were still able to have good conversations back then. Now, the lack of quality conversation is probably the other half of the problem, I think, anyway.

 

-Could it also be a lubrication thing? That area can accommodate things a lot easier with sufficient lubrication so perhaps try that?

 

oh no, not at all...with my first boyfriend, he would do oral on me first so I was good to go down there, AND we used lube. I use lube currently too.

 

-...or it could be biology... maybe there's something wrong there and it might be worth going to a doctor to check out, although one of my friends has a similar thing (super tight... yes, she tells me everything!...) and she hasn't had sex either for the same reason.

 

I am a small girl everywhere, lol My doctor has told me my ear canals are small, i'm small down there, and my dentist told me my mouth was small too, like not enough room for my teeth. I'm just over 5 feet and 100 pounds. Originally when i went to the doctor for a pap smear i told her about this issue and she said to just get it wet and stretch it out with my fingers, lol So i guess after being examined she didn't think there was anything else wrong other than me being small.

 

The fact that you haven't had sex in a long time shows he's a nice guy. He's not forcing himself onto you and he wants you to initiate it because he wants you to want it and to know that you're ready. It'd be so easy for him to push you and guilt you into sex but he's not doing that.

 

Yeah and this makes it so hard to leave him, I would feel horrible since he's put in all this time and then only to have it go nowhere, I mean we've only had sex like 7 or 8 times. I feel bad for him but I know that sounds odd because i'm in control of if he gets sex or not so it's my fault, really...but I can't deny there is something wrong that is stopping me.

[Rockchick26]

Why don't you get help for the painful sex. See a gyn and a psychologist, since this has been a constant regardless of your connection.

 

It wouldn't matter who you are with or how much texting, etc. if the underlying problem is painful sex that you haven't properly addressed.

 

Of course the solution is to wait until you initiate since he doesn't want to force or hurt you. What guy in their right mind would initiate if his gf can't tolerate sex physically or emotionally?

 

"Deep communication" is not having a text buddy. If you can't talk face to face or on the phone then that's yet another problem. This has nothing to do with Vday if it's been a problem for most of your relationship.

 

I did go to a doctor when I had this problem with my first boyfriend, she said i just need to get stretched out.

 

And i'm not talking about texting, we text like every other couple, that's all i meant by that...because we work opposite hours so all we can do during the day is text. But we don't talk when we're together either. Most of the time when we hang out, he's texting someone on his phone, drawing (he's an artist), spinning poi (a hobby we both have so we do that together sometimes but then there's not much talking on his part), we watch movies but not much talking then, we talk on the phone if he is still awake when i get off work (rarely) but like I said there is a lot of silence and 'how was your day' and 'whats new' mindless talk, it's usually a few sentences then we both struggle to find anything to say, and then I usually end up saying anything just so there is someone talking. That's how it is in the car too, it's always me that starts a conversation just so it isn't silent. He was SUPER talkative when we first met, he would literally go on for 10-15 minutes sometimes before I could get a word in. And now that he is completely the opposite, it makes me feel like he doesn't wanna be with me anymore so why would I initiate sex? Last June he barely talked to me the entire month saying he wasn't sure what he wanted. Then again in August he said he couldn't commit to a relationship with me. So then I went about my life and like always he would text me and act like nothing happened then say he didn't mean anything he said. A few times since then I have said this isn't getting better, I'm done...and then he'll start calling and texting like crazy saying i misunderstood him and he doesn't want to break up. So, we are still hanging on, somehow. This last week has been rough though, he stopped texting me goodnight, he stopped calling me after work (he is sometimes sleeping but not always).

[Rockchick26]

I think your boyfriend is a decent guy who has genuine affection and caring for you. He doesn't want to lose the relationship you have; he just wants sex, and his sexual frustration is making it hard for him to be Mr. Warmth all the time.

 

I understand that, but what about my emotional/mental frustration making it hard for me to give my body to him? It's much easier for a man to talk to a woman than it is for a woman to give her body to a man, there is a LOT more at stake for us.

 

You definitely should get your sexual issues sorted out, either on your own or preferably with a specialist.

 

I saw a doctor when I had issues with my first boyfriend, she just said I needed to get stretched out.

 

Sex is part of the bargain, it's not just a nice bonus that some couples get to enjoy.

 

Not entirely true, there is a wide variety on the sexual spectrum including couples who don't want sex...I am a demisexual which means we only feel sexual attraction if there is an emotional/mental connection first.

 

Are you committed to making this work, or are you too checked out now to care? If you are, that's OK. Then break up and don't get sucked back in. If you want to make it work, however, then tell your boyfriend that you want to begin having sex again and are going to get help for your issues. If he sees you making an effort that way, you may find that he's more attentive again. This will help give you the emotional connection you need.

 

I was committed to making this work back when we were having sex, HE was the one that stopped our progress. Remember, I didn't initiate it any of the times before either. One time we were about to do it and he stopped and said "Maybe this isn't such a good idea." WHAT?! What guy stops sex that is about to happen? The last 2 times we did it, he quit early even though I kept telling him it wasn't hurting as bad as before and I wanted him to at least stay inside me but he wouldn't. That is why in my eyes it was him that put a stop to our sex life, not me.

 

You can't expect him to be OK with never having sex. It doesn't work that way.

 

My other boyfriend was, lol I know, most guys wouldn't be ok with it, but I spent 2 1/2 years with a guy that was ok with it so maybe that trained me to think all guys would be accepting of this. That guy even wanted to marry me! It was me who walked away.

[Rockchick26]

Agree. Try to be more affectionate to him.

 

 

]

 

i am! When we sit on the couch, I wrap one leg around one of his legs, I put my arm around him and i lay my head on his chest. What does he do? He rests his arm on the couch behind me (not on my shoulder) and holds on to his vape pen with his other hand, or he just rests his hand on his stomach. He tilts his head away from me, or back (if he falls asleep). A few weeks ago I walked up to him and gave him a tight hug, looked up at him, and he kept his face turned away the whole time, then when he realized I wasn't gonna stop looking at him, he looked down and kissed me really quick then let go of me. !

[Rockchick26]

This is a vicious cycle and I think you need to take the plunge and address it if you want your relationship to work. You can't just sit around and wait for him forever to be more communicative and have meaningful conversations, maybe he's just not that kind of guy -some men aren't that verbally expressive. Do you really not want to make your partner feel connected via sex? I agree that it seems to be more of a compatibility problem rather than anything else.

 

Can't you just tell him the same way that you told us what you need from him in order to have sex, and see if he's able to do that?

 

We have talked about this a dozen times, at least a few times a month for the last 6 months! I tell him I feel alone, i feel neglected, i feel like he doesn't care anymore, and his response is he is sorry I feel alone, and he feels the same way. On Christmas Day, i texted him (he was spending the day with his daughter, who he still hasn't introduced me to), and i told him I was sad because it was my first Christmas since my dad died and I was spending Christmas alone. I knew what time he was getting home and I saw him get on Facebook. Right before that i had a minor emergency with my mobile home and I freaked out telling him about it in a text but he didn't answer, but I saw him on FB. I waited, and an hour later i texted him asking if he was home, no response. No response the next day even! So i sent him a long text about how he knew I was alone and sad on christmas AND i had an issue with my trailer and to top it off, he didn't even try to spend time with me and couldn't even spend a minute replying to my messages! He got pissed and said i was trying to make him out to be the bad guy because I had a horrible christmas! That caused a huge fight where I kept telling him it's stuff like this why I feel alone and like we are too distant and if he's ok with this then i'm done. Then he "clarified" something he said and said I was taking it the wrong way and he doesn't want us to break up.

 

Then again 2 weeks later, we went to a festival and one of the days he barely talked to me, so i told him AGAIN how he makes me feel alone, i'm always talking to myself, when we go to festivals I'm always dancing by myself while he runs off with a friend, when he is next to me he's paying attention to everything but me. So yeah I told him how i felt this time too and his response was to blame me for not initiating sex.

[Rockchick26]

Ahhh. . .the war of the sexes!

 

I am about to make a generalization so bear with me.

 

Men need physical intimacy to feel close and then open up

and women need emotional intimacy to feel up to being physically close.

 

Men make love with their bodies and women make love with their minds. (or something like that)

 

So what do you do? You compromise.

There are times you'll need to be affectionate even when you aren't up for it.

Why? Because you love and care for your partner and want to please him.

 

In turn he should do the same. It's an act of good will. He should be able to connect with you in a meaningful way that is

important to you so you feel intimately close and desire physical intimacy.

 

You both become aware of this dynamic and differences between the two of you and have the genuine desire to make each other happy and work towards it.

 

Battling over it is the road to no where.

 

So this is a normal common problem? I have never heard of anyone else having this problem, but i guess it makes me feel better knowing we're not the only ones.

 

I just see no effort on his part, aside from when we almost break up, that's the only time he actually tries to make this work. Anytime i've ever told him what I need or how i feel, he basically turns it around and blames me or defends himself by saying he's right so he shouldn't have to change. Case in point; i found an article that described the exact technique used in oral sex that will work on any woman. I told him he should read it cuz that's what works on me. His reply was "I've never gotten any complaints before with how i do it." and he wouldn't even read the article.

 

He said I tend to have "verbal diarrhea"

 

He's said a lot of mean things to me, including "no wonder guys dont want a relationship with you" even though he knows I had one that lasted 2 1/2 years, and I dated about 8 or 9 other guys, I just didnt like them enough to stay with them longer than a few months. But every time we fight he throws that back in my face like I've been unwanted by men forever, which is not true.

[Rockchick26]

You need to see a gyn/psychologist. This isn't about emotions, communication, etc. If sex is physically impossible for you or for him, look into that. Do you get aroused/ready enough before sex through foreplay/oral?

 

"The symptoms of vaginismus vary person to person and may include:

Painful intercourse (dyspareunia), described as burning, stinging or tightness causing pain

Penetration is difficult or impossible

Long-term sexual pain with or without a known cause

Pain during tampon insertion

Pain during gynecological examination

Generalized muscle spasm or breathing cessation during attempted intercourse.

Vaginismus does not prevent people from becoming sexually aroused. However, the symptoms may lead people to become anxious about sexual intercourse, instilling a desire to avoid sex or vaginal penetration."

 

It isn't physically impossible, it goes in, it just hurts like hell until I feel something kinda give way and then once he's in all the way it isnt so bad. The last few times we did it, it was better, but he still stopped in the middle of it even though i told him it didn't hurt as bad anymore.

[Rockchick26]

I rarely disagree with you Wiseman, but for women it does often have a lot to do with emotions and communication.

 

If a woman feels as if she and her partner are not connecting and they in turn feel emotionally neglected, they are likely not feeling aroused and sex can be painful without it.

 

No amount of foreplay is going to work if I feel my partner isn't the least bit interested in me outside of the bedroom.

 

YES! I don't feel like he is interested in me outside of the bedroom, that's a perfect way to put it. When we go places together, i'm the last thing he pays attention to. In the beginning I just thought it was a once or twice kinda thing but it happens EVERY TIME, even a year later. We'll go to parties and most of the time he isnt even in the same room as me. One time I swear he was avoiding me on purpose, every single time I walked into the room, within a minute or two, he would leave. Of course, he says I'm reading into things too much, he is just tripping really hard (he does acid a lot).