kaybdjekex Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 So I know this probably sounds stupid but I've been dating my boyfriend for close to a year now and we both love each other a lot. I love him so much but yet I know he isn't right for me. He constantly puts drugs(mostly weed, but also other drugs) over everything else. He goes to college but spends 75% or more of his time smoking. He has no hobbies or interests outside of getting ed up. He'll be hours late to plans we make due to him getting high and he constantly puts his drug use over his schooling, getting a job and over me. Other than that our relationship is amazing though. He's nicer to me than any guy I've ever been with and I know he loves me a lot. His family loves me and my family loves him. He's so sweet and I feel so comfortable around him but it's gotten to the point where I can't stay in this relationship if he continues to live like this. I've brought it up to him multiple times and he always apologizes and tells me I'm more important to him than drugs... but like it doesn't feel that way. He apologizes but nothing changes. I really do love him so I really really don't want to break up with him but I feel like I need to because I have goals & ambitions. I don't smoke anymore or party. I'm living a healthy life style and trying to have the most successful life I can and he's just not on the same page at all. I just don't know what to do because every time I think about breaking up with him I start crying and my heart feels like it's being torn out. The last thing I want to do is break up but I feel like it'd be the right thing.. any suggestions or advice?
Hollyj Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 He has shown you time and again who he is, yet you stick around. Listen, this guy is an addict and a loser. he has no future. Do you plan on supporting him because he is sweet? Do you want to share a family with someone like this? Expect more for yourself. He has shown you that the drugs come first.
boltnrun Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Since you also posted this exact same thing in the "Cyber Relationships" forum, can we presume you haven't actually met him in person?
kaybdjekex Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 I accidentally posted it there haha I've never used this before my bad. Yes I've definitely met him
kaybdjekex Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 He has shown you time and again who he is, yet you stick around. Listen, this guy is an addict and a loser. he has no future. Do you plan on supporting him because he is sweet? Do you want to share a family with someone like this? Expect more for yourself. He has shown you that the drugs come first. Very true, that's what I'm worried about because I spend a lot of money buying him stuff and i don't mind doing it since he doesn't have money and I love him but he doesn't even try to get a job it's just hard to think about breaking up with him because I love him a lot. And he does love me so I don't want to hurt him.
boltnrun Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 If he doesn't work, who buys his drugs for him? You? So you're fine with spending the rest of your life not only supporting yourself and him, but any children you might have together? Not to mention you'll always have to worry about the safety of the kids, who will be home alone with your high boyfriend/husband. If you're lucky and he doesn't forget about them while they're taking a bath or something, you will have the additional worry of the kids being taken away by CPS if you two are arrested for having drugs in the house with minor children. And yes, it CAN happen....someone I know had his kids taken away and he was arrested for having drugs in the house with his kids.
kaybdjekex Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 If he doesn't work, who buys his drugs for him? You? So you're fine with spending the rest of your life not only supporting yourself and him, but any children you might have together? Not to mention you'll always have to worry about the safety of the kids, who will be home alone with your high boyfriend/husband. If you're lucky and he doesn't forget about them while they're taking a bath or something, you will have the additional worry of the kids being taken away by CPS if you two are arrested for having drugs in the house with minor children. And yes, it CAN happen....someone I know had his kids taken away and he was arrested for having drugs in the house with his kids. He spends any money his parents give him on drugs. His friends also mostly supply it. They're all stoners and they spend all their money on drugs too. I used to buy him some because I'd feel bad if I didn't because he'd keep asking and at the time I would occasionally do them too. It's just I'm tired of anything involving drugs being in my life. I experimented with them and I'm done. I don't like them and I think it's a waste of time and stupid.
boltnrun Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 He spends any money his parents give him on drugs. His friends also mostly supply it. They're all stoners and they spend all their money on drugs too. I used to buy him some because I'd feel bad if I didn't because he'd keep asking and at the time I would occasionally do them too. It's just I'm tired of anything involving drugs being in my life. I experimented with them and I'm done. I don't like them and I think it's a waste of time and stupid. And yet you want to stay with him? Why? Because you "love" him? Is that a reason to saddle yourself with someone with whom you can never have a real, trusting relationship, someone who you'll have to supply with illegal drugs, who you'll have to support financially, with whom you can't have children...really? You do know it's possible to fall in love with someone else...right?
kaybdjekex Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 And yet you want to stay with him? Why? Because you "love" him? Is that a reason to saddle yourself with someone with whom you can never have a real, trusting relationship, someone who you'll have to supply with illegal drugs, who you'll have to support financially, with whom you can't have children...really? You do know it's possible to fall in love with someone else...right? You're right. Like I completely agree I just can't help thinking about how I feel when we're together. I've never loved someone like I love him and when I'm with him I feel so loved & safe and I've never had that so it feels impossible to end it over something as stupid as weed. And he makes me sound crazy when I bring up how I can't stand him smoking anymore. He turns it around and I feel like I'm overreacting. But then when we're apart I'm left thinking about how much of a problem it really is.
angrythoughts Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 He's made it obvious that drugs are more important than you. From what you describe however, he seems to be a loving guy. How old are you guys? I'm don't understand how girls can date guys who smoke all the time. It's such a turn off. To be with someone who's never in their sober state of mind would frustrate me. I would say give him an ultimatum. Tell him if this continues you're going to leave him. It's really hard to get someone who regularly does drugs to quit cold turkey though. Good luck. You're in quite the pickle.
03222019 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 I was with a guy who used drugs, I told him that I wouldn't stay with him if he continued, his was cocaine not weed. He cut down and eventually stopped, however when we split and I found out he had continued doing it throughout our relationship and had lied to me every week for months/years. Drug addition is horrible. I've seen some people who smoke weed and keep healthy lifestyles and jobs but your boyfriend sounds like my ex where we can't limit or control himself and let's drugs be the priority. The guy I was with I loved more than anything, wanted to have kids and get married to him. But his alcohol and drug addictions finished our relationship. He was no good for me and this guy doesn't sound good for you. Addicts with never take the blame and will always manipulate and put the blame on someone else. Do what you need to do but I think you are better without x
Hollyj Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Very true, that's what I'm worried about because I spend a lot of money buying him stuff and i don't mind doing it since he doesn't have money and I love him but he doesn't even try to get a job it's just hard to think about breaking up with him because I love him a lot. And he does love me so I don't want to hurt him. Good grief! You are buying this loser stuff, too! C'mon!
Hollyj Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 He spends any money his parents give him on drugs. His friends also mostly supply it. They're all stoners and they spend all their money on drugs too. I used to buy him some because I'd feel bad if I didn't because he'd keep asking and at the time I would occasionally do them too. It's just I'm tired of anything involving drugs being in my life. I experimented with them and I'm done. I don't like them and I think it's a waste of time and stupid. He doesn't love you, he considers you his wallet. Girl, where is your self respect! If he loved you and respected you, he would not allow you to do this.
kaybdjekex Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 He's made it obvious that drugs are more important than you. From what you describe however, he seems to be a loving guy. How old are you guys? I'm don't understand how girls can date guys who smoke all the time. It's such a turn off. To be with someone who's never in their sober state of mind would frustrate me. I would say give him an ultimatum. Tell him if this continues you're going to leave him. It's really hard to get someone who regularly does drugs to quit cold turkey though. Good luck. You're in quite the pickle. He's 19 and I'll be 21 in September so I'm older. It does frustrate me. I think I'm going to give him an ultimatum. I don't know when though because we're celebrating Valentine's Day this weekend so I don't wanna bring it up now but I feel like I should anyways.
Hollyj Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 He's 19 and I'll be 21 in September so I'm older. It does frustrate me. I think I'm going to give him an ultimatum. I don't know when though because we're celebrating Valentine's Day this weekend so I don't wanna bring it up now but I feel like I should anyways. Are you paying for it?
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Unfortunately he loves drugs and the money you provide, not you. I'm worried about because I spend a lot of money buying him stuff and i don't mind doing it since he doesn't have money and I love him but he doesn't even try to get a job
boltnrun Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 Why should he bother to get a job when you and his family pay for everything for him, including his weed??? Yes, are YOU paying for this "Valentine's Day" celebration? Will he spend the "celebration" stoned?
kaybdjekex Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 He's made it obvious that drugs are more important than you. From what you describe however, he seems to be a loving guy. How old are you guys? I'm don't understand how girls can date guys who smoke all the time. It's such a turn off. To be with someone who's never in their sober state of mind would frustrate me. I would say give him an ultimatum. Tell him if this continues you're going to leave him. It's really hard to get someone who regularly does drugs to quit cold turkey though. Good luck. You're in quite the pickle. I gave him an ultimatum and he basically said 'baby you know I'd choose you over drugs but I don't see why I need to stop and it's not big deal so don't be mad but I'm not stopping.' And the entire time we were texting he was smoking...
Hollyj Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 You got your answer. The drugs are more important.
reinventmyself Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Even drug users have good qualities and are often times loveable. It doesn't mean we need to have a relationship with them. Why is it some people wait until they hate someone or they've done something horrible in order to leave? Leave with compassion. He's unvailable. His first love is his drug not you. He's made his choice. You can still love him and wish him well. But do so from.afar. Don't let this guy drag you down. Let him go and aim a little higher next time.
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