Together over 2 years, love each other very much, but future is uncertain

[chnc95]

I have been with my girlfriend for over two years and we both love each other very much. We are sophomores in college and spend a lot of time together, but we do have our own social spheres outside of our mutual friends. For the most part, our relationship has been incredibly loving and fulfilling--it seems like everything we do together is enjoyable, even little things like shopping or doing work together. While we have had a few arguments, one of which was pretty big, we have always communicated well and resolved the issues, and these arguments in no way overshadow our love for each other and our desire to spend time with each other and stay together.

 

We have talked openly about our future together, and for a long time this included the possibility of staying together after college and living and working in the same city. We have talked about things we are excited to do as adults--not in the sense that we want to skip over the college years, which are fun as well, but in the sense that there are some aspects of being adults living in a bigger city that excite both of us. While we have talked about these things and I think are both generally excited about the possibility of moving our life forward together after college, we have sometimes overlooked the steps that would be necessary to get there (I think it is sometimes easier to avoid thinking about obstacles to the future when we have such strong feelings for each other now). For example, studying abroad is an option for each of us, which would mean an extended time away from one another. Additionally, our career ambitions are very different in some ways--they don't necessarily preclude us from continuing a relationship together, it is just hard to say with any certainty right now if we would be able to take jobs in the same city post-college, or if we would be making significant sacrifices to do so.

 

Recently, we have discussed these obstacles and have had trouble coming to a conclusion about how to address them. Because of our strong feelings for each other and the history of our relationship and everything we have been through together, it is really hard to imagine breaking up now simply because of uncertainty in the future. On the other hand, it may become somewhat hard to have a normal, loving relationship together when our future together is uncertain due to external factors. I don't know what to do--I get really sad thinking about not being together any more, but I also don't want to hold my girlfriend back from any major opportunities and she wants the same for me. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks!

[gebaird]

Recently, we have discussed these obstacles and have had trouble coming to a conclusion about how to address them.

 

That's because everything is hypothetical. What do you expect her to say? She'll stay with your forever and ever no matter what? Even if she said that, how could you be certain it's true? All you really know is that she loves you and wants to be with you now. Isn't that enough?

 

You've got a great girl and a great relationship, but you're letting fears about tomorrow steal today's joy. This is very common, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

 

Relax a bit. Face each decision as you come to it. Fill her with so much love that even if the relationship doesn't work out, she'll be grateful for the time she got to spend with you.

 

TL;DR

Just love her.

[Inner Fire]

If you really love each other, you can make it work. Don't get hyped up in the hypothetical - take one day at a time and see where it goes.

[Wiseman2]

This may be one of those cross that bridge when you get there situations. Why? Too many variables including maturing, opportunities, possible ldr and the biggest one...feelings can change. Continue your relationship and see how thing go when whatever happens actually happens.