My boyfriend's friend girl

[Jenna456grey]

Before I rant about the negative, i have to say that my boyfriend is such an amazing loving person towards me. We have so many of the same interests and he is such a real person. Although at first he was not like that, now he makes me feel so self confident and important.

 

But here i go... ive known this guy since i was about 9. We've always known eachother, had mutual friends etc. but hes never really shown any interest in me even though i have before. Now, 7 years later, we are in almost a year long relationship. When it started though, it started off BAD. And by that i mean, his very close girl friend was very into him. When my boyfriend and i started having a thing though, things got nasty with her and ever since then she still shows no sign of interest in me and avoids me at all costs. My problem though, is no longer with her. She doesn't owe me anything, we dont like each other and if she decides to get close with my boyfriend, i cant be mad at her. But from my boyfriend id always expect that he respects and understands why im not on good terms with her and take actions appropriate for that situation. But he doesnt. A few months ago he went to her house with a couple friends at night, which i didnt hesitate to let him because i trusted he would make smart decisions, but he didnt. He would always tell me not to drink or smoke because he was against that, and got wasted at her house. To this day i still dont trust him that nothing happened between them, because i kept finding out more and more he didnt tell me about that night. We made up but these little things happened again and again. Sometimes i wish i let him go earlier so i wouldnt be so deeply in love. He is very hypocritical about these things. If i talk to a guy a lot over messages that he doesnt want me talking to, ill stop and respect that, even people ive known for years. He wont do the same for me. Ive talked to him about it and the situation has definitely improved, but she is still very prevalent in his life. Ill try to smile at her or say hi but she will never look at me and avoids me at all costs. Also i lost one of my best friends because she got really close with this girl and started treating me poorly. This girl has just caused me so much hurt and my boyfriend ignores that (even though he says he understands), he doesnt show that. I dont know what to do anymore because every time i see his phone and a text from her comes up, he hides it or quickly talks about something else. Ive talked to him so many times about how this makes me feel, but i do understand that she is his friend and in his group of friends, and i dont want him to lose friends.

Please help me, i just feel hopeless. When people tell me to try to become friends with her that doesn't sit with me because ive known her since elementary school too and i know how she is. I dont want to be friends with her and i definitely dont want to try.

Also, i started therapy a few months ago. Ive now come to realize all the problems i bring up at my sessions hafto do with this. Its affecting my entire life. Please please help.

[musicman777]

First of all, you are extremely young, I'm almost twice your age! You're WAY too young to have to worry about or even be in any serious relationships with boys...

 

I think you know what you gotta do but you are afraid to do it; you gotta break up with this boy. It's ok for guys to have female friends, but he is crossing the line. He should have never went to this girls house much less spent the night there, which I find extremely inappropriate, especially for someone of your ages. Where are the parents at?! I would have been beat with a stick if I spent the night at a girls house when I was 15. I also find the drinking completely ridiculous, you are all WAY too young to be touching alcohol. It's not "cool" or hip to drink, it's stupid and irresponsible at your ages.

 

He knows you don't get along with this other but he keeps allowing her in his life and making excuses for it; eventually you and your feelings should be priority over keeping some dumb friendship with another girl. But he's not doing that, because there is probably something going on between the two. Maybe she's his "side" girl. And one thing I can tell you as I was his age once, 15~ year old boys only have on thing on their mind and that is sex. He's just in it for the physical aspects, and he's probably too young, stupid, and inexperienced to know what the real deal of an emotional relationship is yet.

 

You're all just so young for all this nonsense and drama. Dump the guy! You got many many many years a head of you to do the dating game. You should be enjoying your life at your age, you're only in your teens once. You have no responsibilities yet, not like an adult. No bills, rent/mortgage, career and job worries. Just try to enjoy where your life is right now and don't get strung along by some dumb idiot who isn't worth it.

[Capricorn3]

Also, i started therapy a few months ago. Ive now come to realize all the problems i bring up at my sessions hafto do with this. Its affecting my entire life. Please please help.

What does your therapist have to say about all of this? Surely they're helping you?

[KantSleep]

Your boyfriend's GF likely doesn't like you around because she wants him. Why else would she be so rude? If you can't stand it, and he isn't willing to cut her loose, then I would say you need to move on. Easy for me to say, as I don't love the guy. But the drama is weighing you down and if you don't trust your BF, then a fundamental piece of your relationship is missing. Good luck.

[j.man]

I really hesitate to offer advice if someone's going through therapy so as not to potentially go against a professional opinion, but if you're feeling the need to cut friends out of your life and stop so much as just talking to guys for your boyfriend, I think you've got plenty more to explore with your therapist. There's very little about your relationship from either of your ends that sounds healthy.