Would you girls be upset or is it just me?

[mbee]

Ok heres an update...which will be my last post about this topic. Thanking everyone in advance for their advice

 

Vday is not planned. He gave me a few options . I chose what I wanted but he waited so long with no reservation so the places did not have room for tomorrow. I gave him a few other options but he refused them for various reasons. (Too far or not his style) Seems he gave me choices yet wanted me to pick diff things that HE liked. Anyways it made no sense so instead of fighting I just stayed level headed and said I guess Vday is off. Nothing is available this late.

 

So yeah he never planned anything or made reservation. The options he likes are near him but I said Im not driving on Vday. Im just not.( Call me y guys but I wont do it. ) This is what my post was all about.

 

Im going to take the high road and forget about vday. I told him. And if he "gives in" by tomorrow Im going to say "no thats ok. Some other time" he called vday dumb anyways. He clearly shows no desire to make me happy tomm. I dont want gifts or flowers. I figured a dinner of my choice was just fine! I mean he DID ask ..yet didnt like my options. What the?

 

Im disgusted. Calling it off but keeping my disappointment to myself. I will break away from this guy now. He even said Hes not picking me up to drive to a far place bcuz hes "not a taxi cab".

 

Thanks everyone for helping thus far. Think its a lost cause. Everytime i make some progress he takes 10 steps backward. He made it such a push and pull I dont even want to go out anymore.

 

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this! Honestly, I was really hoping for the best for this situation since it did sound promising just a day or 2 ago.

 

I am happy you stuck to your guns. I know how hard it is to walk away. But don't be afraid to post more. 1 of 2 things will happen now, and both are equally as likely. He may start to make more of an effort once he realizes you are done, and in that case, please come back and post just to not fall back into that pattern again since it's clear this guy is incapable of change. I mean failing at Valentine's Day is terrible! That's like the one day a guy can make an effort and he failed at it so easily, even when you did much of the leg work and told him where you wanted to go.

 

He's not a taxi cab... WTH! Yeah this guy sounds like a jerk and clearly didn't want to put in the effort. I feel your pain as I'm still hurting from my breakup for the exact same reasons. Stay strong!

 

Listen to reinventmyself and do exactly what her username says too. Take this time to know why you allowed this to happen. I am too as well. It takes two people to get into this situation and it's good to set boundaries from the beginning so you don't end up wasting 9 months of time in the process. And yes, hold out for someone who will love you and treat you well. I'm accepting that myself too. I'm not going to lie and say I don't wish there was a reality where me and my ex could be together, BUT I'm no idiot either. It could only happen if he was 100% committed to making an effort in the relationship and not just 10-20% committed.

 

Stay strong and I'm glad you are doing the right thing and letting this guy go! Come back if you ever have any doubts and only hold out for the love and respect you deserve from a partner! Don't settle for a guy who isn't willing to make an effort for you. A long term relationship requires FAR MORE effort than just driving to someone's house. If he can't even do that or plan a proper date, then he's certainly going to disappoint in the future. You deserve someone who can make a real, solid effort with you and value you for the amazing woman that you are.

[notalady]

To be honest I'm not surprised at all that it fell through, though I did hope for the best for you.

 

He's not going to change overnight and this outcome is perfectly consistent with his behaviour all along.

 

So, I think it's a good thing that he remained consistent so that you can stop wasting your time and make an informed decision right now, rather than putting on a show for a special occasion and maybe once in a while then revert back to how he actually is, meaning you waste more of you're precious time trying to decide what to do.

[mandeelove]

Thanks everyone. I took the whole relationship into account. All his words,actions,everything... and I realized I am better off being alone. We had a fight but he doesnt seem to care to fix it. Its a struggle and I am too grown up to deal with someone like this who is bad at relationships...period. he seems to not care. If you talk about breaking up he runs away...shuts down. I cant even maturely separate so for my own health I blocked him tonight. He didnt respond to my texts after i laid it on about breaking up. And i challenged him on why he acts the way he does...Suddenly he disappeared on that ques. About breaking up ....so conveniently. Anyway due to all this i blocked him. I dont care for a response now. He can deal with it like a big boy. All i can control is my own happiness and what i need isnt close to being met. Hes changing what i always liked /needed in a relationship etc. I didnt want to be immature and block but i had to !!!.

 

Also he says hes too stressed to "deal "with relationships and driving snd traffic. Big joke.. He rather be alone at 37. Hm ok thats great ...but everytime i go on facebook he is linking up with other women or calling them hot. So its all a crock. And this all led me to my decision of being done. He isnt stressed to flirt with those ladies and want to show up at their events for "fundraising" and such. Seems he wants to make everyone happy but me so he can hear my silence now. I thank u all for listening and writing. It has helped me. !!! I am very upset but i feel with time and mental rest I can be good again. I feel like i need to detox the negativity.

[RainyCoast]

what a bleep. yes, you needed the detox. blocking isn't immature. you've given plenty chances. they've run out.

[mandeelove]

True !! 100's of chances!

[RainyCoast]

i'm like you. i exhaust all nice options too, even when i know ahead they won't amount to anything. i just want to be able to say to myself that i didn't fly off the bat, and that i've done everything amicable possible to mend things. but once i've ticked all the nice options off the list, it's done, bye, no remorse, no negotiation, no compromise, no more babble.

 

i think it's absolutely valid to not give chances either. to just decide this doesn't sit with me, i'm not going to bother, bye.

 

but in any case, we need to do what we can be at peace with. at least you won't be wondering where your "closure" is or whether there's something more you should've tried.

 

good riddance. he sounds pathetic.

[mandeelove]

i'm like you. i exhaust all nice options too, even when i know ahead they won't amount to anything. i just want to be able to say to myself that i didn't fly off the bat, and that i've done everything amicable possible to mend things. but once i've ticked all the nice options off the list, it's done, bye, no remorse, no negotiation, no compromise, no more babble.

 

i think it's absolutely valid to not give chances either. to just decide this doesn't sit with me, i'm not going to bother, bye.

 

but in any case, we need to do what we can be at peace with. at least you won't be wondering where your "closure" is or whether there's something more you should've tried.

 

good riddance. he sounds pathetic.

Thanks ..you nailed it. I am just like you then. I played nice. I was very patient all along even though I was not getting anything I wanted. I still treated him with respect and benefit of the doubt. I figured I could fix him up a little but he might just be a case of an A hole who does not want to change and he's content with being how he is.

 

You are right. Sometimes we have to try it all to say we did. No questions will remain in our mind because we went those different avenues and they did not care. I hate blocking..makes me feel like I'm not strong enough to ignore a person ..but in this case I feel I don't want to see any future excuses of why he acted like that. He likes to give sob stories .

 

I think in the future I have to know when something is not good and just leave, no chances given...like u mentioned. I feel like I've been in situations where people dumped me if we didn't mesh ,but for some reason I give chances on bad behavior. I have my closure yup but sometimes it's best just saying bye. In my case, he was showing bad signs within the first month. I just thought it was a "phase."

[Pene1013]

I can so relate to this as my relationship mirrors yours in so many ways and after two years still very much an afterthought to my live in boyfriend. I dont know what to do at this point and feel comfort zone stuck but I defiantly need a reassessing of what I want and deserve. I enjoyed this thread and all the replies.

[mandeelove]

I can so relate to this as my relationship mirrors yours in so many ways and after two years still very much an afterthought to my live in boyfriend. I dont know what to do at this point and feel comfort zone stuck but I defiantly need a reassessing of what I want and deserve. I enjoyed this thread and all the replies.

I am happy my post is helpful in any way to you. If u ever feel the need to post about your situation please do. I can relate to that comfort zone feeling. I felt that only dating him 9 months so I can imagine how u feel after 2 years !! Its tough to walk away. Theres always hope they can change or look at us like we are worth it to change... But sometimes its a lost cause and as hard as it is to walk away, staying in a bad relationship is harder long term. I felt this bad way for a while but if i left the situation even 3 months ago it would of been better. I stayed and now recovering from a lot of stress which does a toll. In the moment i didnt see what it was doing to me but over the months it really broke me down. Its hard when we care more than them. It doesnt make sense but have hope u can get out and make a happier life for yourself if thats what u need! Being alone is scary but I have to admit, if you're in a one sided relationship, that feeling of "alone" is deeper. I am only 2 days out of this so its going to be hard bcuz he was like routine, but I hope i get strong overtime.

[mandeelove]

Also the only thing they can do is change and stick to it forever. I had to leave my guy bcuz he would change for 3 days, then back to it. Thats how I got trapped. It went on for months. Just when I got comfy, vulnerable, he'd mess up again. It was torture bcuz I always had to put my wall back up and I dont like living like that. I like to be warm hearted... If your bf promises to change, then goes backwards, thats a red flag to leave. But if he genuinly makes the changes and sticks to it, then u might have a shot .