taking it slow with an ex

[Danie0930]

hey i need some advice you guys but before i ask i just wanted to give you guys the run down. So a girl an i were together for 5 years and we were even engaged but we were separated for 2 years because of a fight. This fight caused some serious depression issues for me so i recently got in contact with my ex so i could look for closure. We talked and we decided to hang out one day and it was fun and it made me realize that i still loved her. So we talked about the situation and we noticed that the reason we broke up was because of miscommunication where she would say and do things she doesn't mean and i would interpret those things as i hear them. For one she would kick me out and throw the ring at me and say she doesn't need me and i always took her back but the last fight i just felt unwanted so i broke up with her. During this convo she told me that I'm the only guy that if i was to say lets get back together she would and she still feels like marrying me and starting a family. After that time i went to her house the week after and we hanged out like we use to. Her laying with me on the couch i kiss her forehead and she farts and we laugh about stupid stuff. But towards the end of the night i thought i was going to sleep on the couch but no we slept beside one another (no sex). During that same night, before we went to bed, i turned her over and i told her i loved her and she said she loves me too and we kissed and went to bed. At this point we're taking it slow because thats what we both wanted but i feel like if we ever decide to get back we still need to talk to avoid the past from ever repeating itself. So I've been helping her with her school stuff and We text everyday but when we text we never talk about us or fun stuff just school and if not she takes a long time to reply. I don't tell her that i love her because i don't want to put pressure on her and make her say it back but i just feel like some how I'm the only one thats in love or trying to start over. She wants to go out next monday so after dinner i was going to take her to the movies just hope that things get better. My only problem is the communication and if i say something nice she gives one word answers. Any advice?

[rosephase]

Why do you want to get back together with her? Has she actually changed? Or is she going to throw you out and break up with you again and again? It sounds like you broke up with her for the right reasons. What makes you think she's changed?

[Danie0930]

My reason to get back with her is because i still love her and we have history and the two years apart really made me grow up to the point that if things don't workout I'm fine with that as well. But her actually changing I'm not too sure but i feel thats the reason we should talk so history won't repeat itself. As of right now i get the vibe that she isn't interested in anything thing i have to say or my texts, but i feel like keeping the texting to a minimum so she would do the majority of the texting. Not too sure of what to do or if I'm just over thinking this whole "lets take it slow" thing. what do you think? Thanks for replying by the way.

[Inner Fire]

Personally, I make a point to not go backwards, only forwards. With that said...

 

If you're going to make it work you need to make it painfully clear that her acting the way she did is not okay, and you need to be communicating clearly. If she can't do that then you need to move on. You can't take it casual for very long - you had five years to figure things out. Now is the time to have the uncomfortable conversations to see if it will work or not, because you don't want to waste your time if it won't. Painfully honest is the key here - no footing around, because you don't deserve to be in a relationship where she kicks you around and you keep taking her back because you love her.