Love from the past hurting my life now

[Cowgirl_Warrior]

I have a big problem that has really been going on for years now. It's been about 3 years now that I dated my first boyfriend. He was the love of my life, the guy I thought I was going to marry, the one I was going to give up everything to be with. He lived in another state and I was always the one to go visit him. He lied a lot about a lot of stuff trying to make him seem more "cool" I guess you could say. He told me I was his everything and that I was the most important thing in his life. I gave up a lot for him and to be to be with him. He broke up with me and not long after started dating his ex again. It killed me but I tried to move on I dated other guys but they were just not right and I tried to keep filling a hole in my heart that I couldn't. We still have remanded friends and kept talking. I started dating the man I'm with now and stopped talking to my ex for a long time. Ever since me and my ex broke up I've always loved him and I still think about him everyday. I thought once we graduated high school we could have got another chance but I realised that wasn't true he has other plans for his life. I love the guy I'm with but somedays it's hard because we live together and I feel like maybe he's controlling and doesn't want me doing the stuff I always do but I don't know. I was able to stop talking to my ex for a long time but I talked to him for a few days not to long ago here and he told me he cared about me yet and that he was single then I come to find out he's engaged to the girl he got with after we broke up and it killed me. I just want to be able to let him go and not think about him all the time and be able to be with the guy I'm suppose to be with. I hope that's the man I'm with but I don't know and he wants to marry me. I'm scared because I don't know what I should do and I don't want to hurt anymore. I haven't felt love like I use to with my ex and I don't know if that's just cause he was my first love or what. I feel like I'll never know who the right person for me is and I'm so tired of my heart not letting my ex go. What can I do? I can't keep this game with him up and feeling so lost.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately your current bf sounds like a problem. How long have you lived together? How old is he? Are you engaged?

 

This isn't about your ex. He lied and strung you along and now has a gf. Leave him alone. You aren't friends and shouldn't be talking.

I thought once we graduated high school we could have got another chance but I realised that wasn't true he has other plans for his life. I love the guy I'm with but somedays it's hard because we live together and I feel like maybe he's controlling and doesn't want me doing the stuff I always do but I don't know.

[limichelle]

Doesn't sound like your current boyfriend is someone who is right for you, otherwise you wouldn't be thinking so much about your ex and that kind of love. I would let both guys go, your ex is still a liar about the whole being single thing. The current guy is a comfort blanket. You will know when you find someone and they will be even better then you could have imagined.

 

Lisa

[abitbroken]

Doesn't sound like your current boyfriend is someone who is right for you, otherwise you wouldn't be thinking so much about your ex and that kind of love.

 

Lisa

 

Actually, there are people who meet someone who are very right, but they are not in the right place emotionally to reciprocate that relationship. That person could be exactly someone's type, well rounded, attractive to them, etc - someone that checks all the boxes on everything and chemistry - and its not about being with a person who isn't great - its about not being emotionally available. If someone cannot yet get past their ex, even though the ex has long moved on and stooped low enough to lie about being in a relationship with someone else - its not that this new boyfriend is not wonderful - its about her. She is basically dishing to the boyfriend what the ex dished to her.

[Cowgirl_Warrior]

To answer your question, he is 23. We have been together for a year and a half and have lived together for a year. No we are not engaged but he wants to propose but I'm trying to finish college. I know that couples have their issues so we try to work it out. I just don't want to think about my ex anymore.

[abitbroken]

To answer your question, he is 23. We have been together for a year and a half and have lived together for a year. No we are not engaged but he wants to propose but I'm trying to finish college. I know that couples have their issues so we try to work it out. I just don't want to think about my ex anymore.

 

A year and a half is too soon to propose and you moved in together too fast. And if he does, you cannot accept because you are still in love with your ex. If your ex came to your door tomorrow and wanted to kiss you or wanted to have an affair with you, you would likely do it at the drop of a hat. I think that you need to be firm with him that you are not ready to marry. That when you are together 3 years, you will talk about it, but you haven't been together long enough to get engaged. I know you don't want to think of your ex anymore, but you are and it is preventing you from being fully present in your relationship. Do not marry in haste hoping that will make you forget about your ex because it will not. There are people who have been in your shoes who marry, and then tell us "I have been married for 5 years to a great guy, but I keep fantasizing about my ex. We reconnected on Facebook and we talk aaaaalll the time. I really want to be with him, but he has a wife."