Ex copying me and acting weird after break up

[chemformer]

I've posted here before about me breaking up with my boyfriend of 9 years due to his laziness and lack of progression in our relationship. It's now been 6 months since our break. Around month 2 it was very tough for me to cope with. I was actually pretty pathetic but I needed to freely grieve. I wasn't eating and was constantly crying. I'm now in a better place emotionally. Around that time he seemed to be doing fine and responded harshly to a text I had sent him. Now 6 months in, I guess the reality of the break up is finally hitting him. He is depressed about the relationship and his current financial state. He's actually literally posting on social media that he's depressed. I used to be his problem solver and unfortunately in retrospect, his enabler. And now that I am not there to solve his problems that he ultimately creates for himself, it seems that things are truly falling apart. He is now blaming his laziness on his lazy friends that I used to tell him about in the first place. But him pushing blame on others still appears to me that he still can't take accountability. Moving on, he has nothing good to say about me and seems really salty over the breakup. Lately it's been brought to my attention that he's been copying things that I'm currently doing. It's weird. I pick up a hobby and post pics so he picks up the same hobby and posts pics. Similar pictures too. I change my bio on social media and he changes it to the same thing as it relates to him. Same emojis and all. Anything I post, he comes back and does the same thing. He seems to still not realize what his role was in our break up and released some poetry bashing me. He said I was supposed to be there with him forever and that I was playing "scared little girl" for breaking up with him and that the "ring would never fit with me being like that" even though I stuck it through with him for 9 years and no ring was close to being purchased ever.

 

I just want to know..

1. Why he still isn't taking responsibility for his actions by still blaming me and now his friends?

2. Why he's having such a delayed response to the breakup overall. I mean, he was upset a bit before but he's making it obvious now all of a sudden.

3.And if he hates me so much, why the hell is he copying my every move?

[abitbroken]

I just want to know..

1. Why he still isn't taking responsibility for his actions by still blaming me and now his friends?

2. Why he's having such a delayed response to the breakup overall. I mean, he was upset a bit before but he's making it obvious now all of a sudden.

3.And if he hates me so much, why the hell is he copying my every move?

 

1) That is who he is.

2) Everyone heals at the same pace.

3) It could be coincidence - they are things you both sort of liked - or he is copying you. Who cares. He doesn't "hate" you.

4) Block him on social media and ask your friends not to update you about him when they try to.

 

Even though you are broken up you ARE still trying to solve his problems by trying to figure out why he is doing what he is doing - so cut it out. Take some time to heal, and next time, don't date a "project" that "needs your fixing". It will only end in resentment again

[chemformer]

You have a point. I need to check myself on that. It's not my responsibility to fix anything. But the copying thing is very annoying because it transfers into a business idea. So it now appears like a competition.

[annie24]

I think you should block him on social media. You don't need to see what he's posting. Not your problem anymore.

 

I think he probably enjoyed the freedom after the breakup initially but that probably got dull after a while and now he's had a chance to really miss you and the relationship. Too late though for him.

[ParisPaulette]

Yeah, I think that's a copying you thing, because he doesn't know how to stand on his own two feet and be himself. And he's bitter six months in, because he no longer has you enabling him and being his financial backer. And he's discovered no other girl wants that job.

 

He's in a position where he is being forced to grow up, but he doesn't like that. And he doesn't want to take responsibility for his own role, because then he'd actually have to get off of his backside, admit he was wrong, and go fix it. And lazy people aren't really keen on doing that. It'll end when or if he finds some new girl who will try to fix him and enable him. Meaning he will then not have to face facts of maybe he has to work to earn his living, maybe he has to go out and find his own place to live, maybe he has to accept that if he loses people over his own actions it's his own fault.

 

Be happy to be free, don't go back, give it up. Realize the same mentality that is the reason you left him is the same mentality that now keeps him trying to cast all others as the problem instead of himself. And he will either grow up and figure it out or he will be miserable for the rest of his life, but it is all and only on and in him to either fix or not. You can't nor should you have to in the first place. That was his parents job, to a degree, and the rest is up to him and always was.

 

You did your time, let him fall or stand on his own. That's what should have been done when the guy turned 18, but there's no time like the present. We all have to grow up and we all have to let others grow up sometime, so block and delete him and move on. Realize he is only showing you more, not less, of why you decided to end it in the first place.

 

Bullet dodged if you ask me. Keep moving forward, healing, and don't look back.

[evad1]

I've posted here before about me breaking up with my boyfriend of 9 years due to his laziness and lack of progression in our relationship. It's now been 6 months since our break. Around month 2 it was very tough for me to cope with. I was actually pretty pathetic but I needed to freely grieve. I wasn't eating and was constantly crying. I'm now in a better place emotionally. Around that time he seemed to be doing fine and responded harshly to a text I had sent him. Now 6 months in, I guess the reality of the break up is finally hitting him. He is depressed about the relationship and his current financial state. He's actually literally posting on social media that he's depressed. I used to be his problem solver and unfortunately in retrospect, his enabler. And now that I am not there to solve his problems that he ultimately creates for himself, it seems that things are truly falling apart. He is now blaming his laziness on his lazy friends that I used to tell him about in the first place. But him pushing blame on others still appears to me that he still can't take accountability. Moving on, he has nothing good to say about me and seems really salty over the breakup. Lately it's been brought to my attention that he's been copying things that I'm currently doing. It's weird. I pick up a hobby and post pics so he picks up the same hobby and posts pics. Similar pictures too. I change my bio on social media and he changes it to the same thing as it relates to him. Same emojis and all. Anything I post, he comes back and does the same thing. He seems to still not realize what his role was in our break up and released some poetry bashing me. He said I was supposed to be there with him forever and that I was playing "scared little girl" for breaking up with him and that the "ring would never fit with me being like that" even though I stuck it through with him for 9 years and no ring was close to being purchased ever.

 

I just want to know..

1. Why he still isn't taking responsibility for his actions by still blaming me and now his friends?

2. Why he's having such a delayed response to the breakup overall. I mean, he was upset a bit before but he's making it obvious now all of a sudden.

3.And if he hates me so much, why the hell is he copying my every move?

 

Of course he isn't going to take responsibility for his role in the break up. Lol he may very well die in denial lol. ]

[jujusamples]

My question to the OP is "why do you still have him on social media?"

 

The worst thing anyone could do to themselves after a breakup is keep in contact! Yes, social media is contact. It will mess with your healing and moving on process. Every-time you see a new posts, pictures, comment, it will make you think of the person. Guess what, this is what is happening to you. You start to question each and every single thing he's doing. Who cares if he's copying you, ask yourself, does it matter? Please do yourself a huge favor and block and delete him. Sorry, I'm not trying to be harsh, this is exactly what a very good friend told me when I was going through a nasty breakup! She refuse to let me talk about the ex, or let me question anything he does. You know what, it worked like a charm, eventually I got over it!

[chemformer]

Of course he isn't going to take responsibility for his role in the break up. Lol he may very well die in denial lol. ]

 

I think I'm coming to this realization.

[chemformer]

Yeah, I think that's a copying you thing, because he doesn't know how to stand on his own two feet and be himself. And he's bitter six months in, because he no longer has you enabling him and being his financial backer. And he's discovered no other girl wants that job.

 

He's in a position where he is being forced to grow up, but he doesn't like that. And he doesn't want to take responsibility for his own role, because then he'd actually have to get off of his backside, admit he was wrong, and go fix it. And lazy people aren't really keen on doing that. It'll end when or if he finds some new girl who will try to fix him and enable him. Meaning he will then not have to face facts of maybe he has to work to earn his living, maybe he has to go out and find his own place to live, maybe he has to accept that if he loses people over his own actions it's his own fault.

 

Be happy to be free, don't go back, give it up. Realize the same mentality that is the reason you left him is the same mentality that now keeps him trying to cast all others as the problem instead of himself. And he will either grow up and figure it out or he will be miserable for the rest of his life, but it is all and only on and in him to either fix or not. You can't nor should you have to in the first place. That was his parents job, to a degree, and the rest is up to him and always was.

 

You did your time, let him fall or stand on his own. That's what should have been done when the guy turned 18, but there's no time like the present. We all have to grow up and we all have to let others grow up sometime, so block and delete him and move on. Realize he is only showing you more, not less, of why you decided to end it in the first place.

 

Bullet dodged if you ask me. Keep moving forward, healing, and don't look back.

 

Thank you for this. It's very insightful. I am beginning to feel like I dodged a bullet too. I definitely am not heading back to him and have been feeling so care free by worrying about myself for a change.

[chemformer]

My question to the OP is "why do you still have him on social media?"

 

The worst thing anyone could do to themselves after a breakup is keep in contact! Yes, social media is contact. It will mess with your healing and moving on process. Every-time you see a new posts, pictures, comment, it will make you think of the person. Guess what, this is what is happening to you. You start to question each and every single thing he's doing. Who cares if he's copying you, ask yourself, does it matter? Please do yourself a huge favor and block and delete him. Sorry, I'm not trying to be harsh, this is exactly what a very good friend told me when I was going through a nasty breakup! She refuse to let me talk about the ex, or let me question anything he does. You know what, it worked like a charm, eventually I got over it!

 

Done and done. Just blocked him. I was more so having the itch here and there to check his page but I told my friend to call me out on it anytime I bring him up.

[evad1]

Done and done. Just blocked him. I was more so having the itch here and there to check his page but I told my friend to call me out on it anytime I bring him up.

 

Yea he's going to be miserable

[jujusamples]

Done and done. Just blocked him. I was more so having the itch here and there to check his page but I told my friend to call me out on it anytime I bring him up.

 

Kudos to you! That is awesome. You will save yourself so much heartache by blocking him!

[chemformer]

So I deleted him on PlayStation where we used to play together with mutual friends. I don't know if he realized I blocked him and deleted him everywhere but he joined in our vocal chat even though he knew I was in there. Very weird! Then he got in there being more talkative than he usually is like he wanted me to hear him. I just ended up leaving.