What do I do

[jsmith613]

So there is a girl I am very good friends with....the complication is I fancy her

 

When I say good friends I mean we text every day, we have lunch every so often and event spent the evening together last week (dinner then cinema then dessert)

 

I've known her for over a year now and have always been fairly close with her but recently we've gotten closer

 

I want to tell her how I feel but I don't know if she feels the same way - if she doesn't then I am worried our friendship will end. If she does, I am not sure I could give her everything she may need emotionally and physically. I am quite an emotionally reserved person and very aphysical but am heterosexual.

 

I feel though that it would be very hard to keep things just as they are because of how I feel

 

what should I do

[Wiseman2]

Do you want a romance with her? What do you mean 'aphysical'? Asexual? Or you dislike affection/touching? At this point you're in the friendzone and blurting out "i fancy you" may be awkward.

 

You could start making things more like dates rather than hanging out like a male-girlfriend.

I am quite an emotionally reserved person and very aphysical but am heterosexual.

[jsmith613]

Do you want a romance with her? What do you mean 'aphysical'? Asexual? Or you dislike affection/touching? At this point you're in the friendzone and blurting out "i fancy you" may be awkward.

 

You could start making things more like dates rather than hanging out like a male-girlfriend.

 

I dislike affection and touching...ok thanks for the advice

[angrythoughts]

You can drop hints without directly saying how you feel. Based on how she reacts to what you say you'll get an idea of how she feels in return. If you're getting the feel that she does like you, then tell her how you feel when the timing is right.

 

Drop hints like "you look pretty", or ask her to the movies and call it a date. If she seems flattered and flirts back then that's your green light to spill guts.

 

Good luck!

[RKO]

Would you rather carry on being friends but have this love for her that you are keeping inside for the rest of your life?

 

Or tell her the truth and possibly risk a friendship.

 

I'd tell her

[justshine1]

What do you do for work that you can have lunch often with a person?

 

Do you hug her ever? And how did you two even become friends?

[jsmith613]

Thanks all.

@justshine1 We are uni students

[jsmith613]

Thanks for your replies

@justshine1 we are uni students

[James516]

I'm going to chime in with the questions that Wiseman had - a lot of people would not be on board with dating "aphysical". So while you are solely friends, it would be good to steer a conversation into talking with her about the type of people she has dated and how those relationships were or the type of person she is interested in. In other words, you both may be incompatible if is she is not aphysical which makes this a guaranteed failure.

 

As for the rest, the friendship won't be ruined if you approach dating not as some grand gesture or statement - no "I love you so much." Instead note all of your similarities (if the aphysical flies okay with her), and that you're attracted and would like to take her on a date. Usually women already have a sense about this. If she says no, you have control of how the friendship will continue - if you won't be bitter, or can deal with her possibly backing off for a while, or won't hang on in a pretend friendship hoping she will change her mind, or you won't have hurt feelings when she dates others, the friendship won't be affected by a potential rejection.