How do I get over a 6 year relationship?

[Ivywest]

I was 18 years old when I first got with him and he was 7 years older and there I was thinking that since he was older than me that he was going to show me the way and be mature but little did I know is that he couldn't show me anything because he didn't even know where he was going.he was a little frustrated that he was paying for everything and he said he wanted me to get my stuff together and that is what us taking a break would be about and we ended up breaking up.

 

The second year were really just on and off the whole entire year,we were together but not together.

 

The third year literally the same thing but I was talking to other guys and he was talking to other women but we would get back together.

 

The fourth year officially got back together and then I found out that he was really cheating on me and I found out through social media the saddest part about it is that I kept calling and texting but he just completely disappeared on me without a word and then a few months later he kept emailing me,calling and messaging me on social media trying to apologize a little while later I found out it's because the girl he left me for was bat **** crazy and would follow him& call him 24/7,we ended up getting back together (I know I'm stupid)

😥 But I have more stupid things that I did for this man coming right up!! So yea we got back together for a couple of months and boom! He lost his job and got depressed and disappeared on me yet again for a couple of months.

 

The 5th year were together (so I thought) and it was probably the saddest part for me because I allowed him to do me so wrong,remember when I said the first year I let him pay for everything...well I wanted to do good by him by returning a favor by supporting him mentally,fanacially and spiritually all the while I look back and realized he didn't even deserve it! He wasn't even putting in effort at all! I was making the dates,texting and calling I was basically in a non existent relationship things took a turn for the worst last year around December when he once again pulled a huge Houdini and disappeared I called,texted repeatedly to try and get him to talk to me because even if we were going to breakup I wanted it to be in person then finally he texted me and broke up with me oh no but the biggest cherry on top is when we met up in person and I got alll dressed up to look cute only to find out that the reason that he was meeting up with me is to let me know that he's gotten another girl pregnant while we were together! Smh come to find out the girl was lying and she wasn't really pregnant smh

 

The 6 year still stuck around he cried to me and told me he was in love with me and wanted to be a better man and wanted to change little did I know is that it was all lies,let me remind you that at this point he's 30,lives with his mother and a cashier at a retail store and told me plenty of times that he doesn't love himself;I should've believed him and just left but once again..I stayed and 2 months later I'm going through my own hardships in life and he was nowhere to be found he didn't ask if I needed anything or if I wanted some emotional support all he cared about was himself once again he disappeared on me but at that time I was going through a lot in my own life cause I ended up being homeless and trying to figure things out so I had way to much on my plate to deal with his shenanigans so I told him if he wants to go separate ways then say so and boom! He disappeared at first I was like whatever but then weeks later I broke down and cried because I gave him everything and he left me high and dry without even a single thank you and goodbye.

 

A month later I found out that a week after we broke up he was already dating someone else from his job,idk why but I was **** I was so angry and hurt but yet again life came up and I had to move to LA I didn't let him know or say anything to him he found out through social media as far as I know I think him and the girl broke up some months ago,he has tried to be friends with me but I ended up telling him that I thought it was best if he stop contacting me so I could move on and heal,he said ok,i understand and that was a month ago and I've been no contact ever since and the break up was 6 months ago;it's been so difficult for me lately sometimes I feel crazy that I still love this man and I really wish that I could get over him faster I've been crying all day today wishing for these feelings to go away,how long is it going to take to get over him?😞😢 I feel like I wasted so much time from 18-24 sigh I just want to get over him.

[Wiseman2]

You need to stay no contact and block and delete him from everything permanently. pining for 6 mos, being homesick, nostalgic etc. is not helping you. Get a nice profile and pics together on some dating apps ans start meet some local men for low-pressure coffee meets. You are mistaking drama and intensity and over-attachment and over-investment for "love".

[Ivywest]

Thanks for the advice,yes I've been no contact lately and yea your right I definitely should do that,I guess I'm just trying to get over the shock part and trying to find the reason why I allowed this person to treat me this way

[holistic17]

Firstly, well done for FINALLY breaking free! Some women take much more than 6 years to leave a negative and soul draining relationship. Some never even do and live their lives completely miserable hoping for an improvement.

Now you've started a fresh, you need to keep it this way. Do not contact him or respond to any of his future attempts. This man is a lost cause as he does not love himself and seems to be doing nothing to help himself. He's a train wreck. And it's not your problem anymore. Look back at your post - tell me, what exactly about that "relationship" did you love? It all sounds pretty bad to me. He did not possess any qualities of a stable, protective, loyal, loving or giving man! Just the opposite actually.

Your next step is to start loving yourself more too and ask yourself why you put up with it for so long. Was it because you were afraid of being alone or fear of his rejection? You went through plenty of it! You sound you are a strong lady, so start working on yourself and know that you deserve the opposite of what he gave. There's plenty of men out there who have great qualities. As soon as you see those red flags then get out! Take this time to reflect and learn. No time is wasted if you learnt from it. Good luck 😊

[Ivywest]

Thank you! I'm trying my hardest.

When I was a child no one really taught me how to love myself,my father was in and out of my life and completely disappeared at age 8 so I didn't really have a positive male role model growing up.

 

As for my mother she dealt with sever depression after my grandma died and went deeper in to it a few years later after my aunt (her sister) passed away she would just lock herself in her room and almost never come out I was in 5th grade at the time and couldn't understand why my mother couldn't love me.

 

Idk why stayed so long I think what I went through as a child manifested on to that relationship and I became a codependent scared little child looking to be loved

[Loralora]

In a couple of years you will know how lucky you were not to end up with this man. You will realize it was never love what you two had, it was him trying to find something better than you and thinking you were never good enough for him. He took advantage of your innocence just so he can have a female figure "wife" in his life.

 

Eventhough you have wasted a lot of time on him, you are still very young.

 

Believe it or not, I had my first boyfriend at age 24. It didn't work out.

 

At 27 (which is my age now) I am with my second boyfriend.

 

Be strong and never look back...life with him would have been a big mistake. Be glad you broke up now instead of wasting a lifetime on him.

[kamurj]

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.