My story thus far

[Lostinlove31]

This is going to be long but it's best to get it out and get it all caught up. I posted before about my ex wife, and an ex gf and now i am posting about another ex.

 

After an ugly divorce where my ex cheated on me i met 2 women online. One i knew from highschool and another i met and got to know. I fell in love with both.

 

Let me explain both women and my relationship to them as it stands.

Girl_A - had an abusive ex husband and has 1 child by him. She was raped during highschool. She is very open sexually. During my divorce we met on Match.com. We talked and hit off but this was a long distance relationship. She met someone else and we stopped communication for a while and then she got heart broken and then we started trying to work thingd out. I actually flew out there to see her and her daughter for a few days. She sufferers from anxiety and didn't want to make a big deal about me coming to see her or she would freak out. Well after seeing her she came back to our home state in md. Well we spent time together and then another time she came out and didn't visit me. I made myself available and didn't. She got drunk and ran into an ex. Come find out they started talking and feelings came up she had for him. She moves back and goes out with this guy. We still are "friends..." despite her screwing me over... which leads to

 

Girl_B - had an abusive father and lives to please him as far as to join the air force and bust her butt to get awards without using his name to seek his approval. He is high up there. Well she has 2 kids by two different men and was abused by first husband and was in a long relationship with the last guy for 5 years and was not a good relationship at all supposedly. This girl did a number on me... so we meet and have the greatest first date night ever. She texting me when we leave. She's in the air force and going to college to get her degree. I helped her a little with college and and when she was looking for a civilian job. When we spend time together we would always have fun and laugh. 3 months after i am feeling good and say to her i love you and she doesn't respond at all.

 

Now looking back:

I feel used and i probably doormatted myself. I remember buying them things and giving money to help with situations even after the breakups. I always helped because a few reasons, one being I cared and the other they always had this thing about being a single mom and all. I did romantic things for both and girl_a appreciated it and girl_b literally told me after writing her a letter on our 1 year anniversary that she doesn't do mushy. It was like they weren't in tuned with their feminity.

 

Things as they are now:

After breaking up with girl_b and months of her contacting me she finally stopped and I have gone NC. Not trying to win her back even though at one point she was the love of my life but then I started noticing things and how she acted towards me.

 

Things she said: "i can find someone better than you."

 

"Because of things i can't just date at this point."

 

"I will date when I am 40."

 

She always initiated contact and call or text. She still wanted to meet up and stuff but never concrete. Her bday just passed and I didn't text her which was hard.

 

Girl_a had comeback unexpectedly and that was through unintentional no contact. She has actually said she loves me days before Christmas and she is afraid of ruining our relationship as friends but afraid of missing out on possibility of what it could be.

 

Problem is getting back with an ex:

Is now i don't trust them. They broke up with me for reasons not clear. They left me during a time which 8f we got back together they need to address the issues they cause and work on themselves because i took my pain and working on myself.

 

No contact helped me because i am looking to help myself and improve my habits and stop obsessing over what ifs and whys. However i became bitter with walls..working on change.

[BeenThereB4]

Why do you prefer to date women who have been abused? Usually, only abusive men choose to repeatedly date this type of woman.

 

You describe a woman who had an abusive ex-husband and was raped as a child as "very open sexually." Sometimes, after abuse and sexual assault, women will act out in extremely sexual ways. This is not the same as sexual openness. The way you wrote that makes it seem like you were benefitting sexually from her past trauma.

 

You describe the same woman as "screwing you over" when it seems as if she simply stopped dating you (coming to a place where you were and purposefully not seeing you is a big clue) and started dating a new guy.

 

You also suggest that a woman who "doesn't do mushy" is not "in tune with her femininity." All women are not the same. Femininity encompasses a broad range of traits, as does masculinity.

 

It does not seem to me that you understand women very well and are choosing those with past traumas and lots of baggage. Why? Maybe, you should stop dating,for now, and work on getting yourself in a healthy place first.

[Lostinlove31]

No i did not benefit sexually. Let me clear that up. I didn't go looking for these women. I found out and gave them thr benefit of the doubt.

 

I don't prefer to date women who been abused. It just seems to happen. I had a hero complex but I work on myself and come a long way. I am not dating now or looking to date. I am working on healthy me and letting go of these women.

[Lostinlove31]

What was i drawn to was their strength and desire to move beyond their situations. I think i understand women somewhat well but not all women are the same.