Why I hate love..

[TheLoser]

I was buying in shopping market today, and as I was by the beer and alcohol shelf ... in that moment some love song turned out on radio. Ofc. I bought a lot of beer and I'm writting this now ....

To make story short: I was seeing person A, and then she decided to get along with person X. But A was sooo selfish that she wanted me and X both in her life, in a way that we both will be happy. She wanted me in her life for a long time, but I just couldn't. But the point is: I loved her like I've never loved anyone else before and after. After some time, I started to seeing person B. Person B is a better then person A, and that by FAR. She remembered some things about me which I didn't tell anyone. Person B even send me a beautiful X-mas card with amazing note by her. Person B threated me like I'm a GOD.

After some time I decided not to get with B on love plan, and I thought a lot of time why is my reason to say "no" to B-person. And today I realised the reason is A-person.

So yeah... love sucks.

[RainyCoast]

what has love done wrong? and why is it personified?

 

you are reluctant to take B seriously because of A.

 

saying Love is at fault reminds me of the story of the driver trying to explain to the police how he hit the telephone pole. "the pole was approaching. i attempted to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end". even inanimate objects can be turned to agents as an exonerative tool for personal disengagement from the effects of one's choices/acts.

 

now, were you to tell us why and how you think your feelings about A are unresolved and sabotaging your relationship with B, we may be able to figure out a fix. as opposed to saying Love sucks - clearly we can't change Love's cruel and fickle mind, because there isn't one.

 

tell us about the thing with A?

[RainyCoast]

u still there? pretty sure we could come up with something helpful regarding the thing with A.

[gibbsjoan85]

well thats definitely complicated.

[TheLoser]

what has love done wrong? and why is it personified?

 

you are reluctant to take B seriously because of A.

 

saying Love is at fault reminds me of the story of the driver trying to explain to the police how he hit the telephone pole. "the pole was approaching. i attempted to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end". even inanimate objects can be turned to agents as an exonerative tool for personal disengagement from the effects of one's choices/acts.

 

now, were you to tell us why and how you think your feelings about A are unresolved and sabotaging your relationship with B, we may be able to figure out a fix. as opposed to saying Love sucks - clearly we can't change Love's cruel and fickle mind, because there isn't one.

 

tell us about the thing with A?

 

I'm here now, I had doctor appointments in last 2 days, so I wasn't online.

 

"What has love done wrong?" - Really? XD God and Space, both do have excellent feeling for irony in my life. So ... Since I was born I knew 2 things: 1) I will die young. 2) I will be forever alone. And with second statement I've done everything: I dated a lot, I've met soo many people, and still didn't found my soul mate. And the closest thing to my soulmate is A-person. I saw her in some park half years ago, my legs were cut off, but I think that is normal. I dated before and after her, but I've never felt that way for anyone else, ever ... and I never will.

 

And about A-person. She is in my topics with:

 

 

 

 

 

For the record ... I love her. I didn't went on that coffee, I just couldn't. We don't talk last 2 weeks. I texted her names of the doctors.

[RainyCoast]

how did the doc appointment go? have you told doc how worried you are about the surgery? i hope he was able to put your mind at ease.

 

i went back to read those threads.

 

i think if you decide the moment that your conscious life begins, that you will experience all of it from the position of someone too accursed to ever experience anything nice, that doesn't mean life or love are cruel to you. it just means you decided to take on an accursed identity. and then what that does is when something nice comes your way, you're unable to enjoy it. like someone new comes into your life, and you can't bring yourself to accept that gift because you're still holding on to the old gift of pain.

 

OP.

 

getting over strong feelings takes times.

purging a depressive identity takes time. i know for me it started to improve noticeably after a year of really really intense work on that specifically, and there's still plenty of room for improvement

you have a lot of stress in your life right now with the surgery approaching, and your resentment for the hand you've been dealt.

 

you are doing the right things. having your physical health attended to. not giving to temptation to prolong a relationship that wasn't that good after all. you're seeing your therapist.

 

it hasn't even been that long. mourn your loss, let go of the attachment at a pace that is bearable to you. i can only speak for myself, but i am never able to take on a new quality or experience as long as i haven't gotten rid of the old one. for example, i can't make myself be a confident person until i purge an old identity that wasn't confident, i can't fall for people until i've let go of previous ones entirely etc. i think that goes for most people?

 

i think holding on to something that isn't worth the emotional investment, and something we don't want to actually materialize but just invest into emotionally is a way of sabotaging ourselves from experiencing happiness. have you considered the option? that maybe you are holding on to this "dead cathexis" because it's a way of assuring that you won't get to experience actual fulfillment?

 

i know that sounds so cliche but i am certain that warding happiness of like that stems from the belief of being globally worthless and undeserving somehow. i would ask my therapist to help me

1. identify the specific things that i believe make me unworthy and

2. challenge the belief that one needs to be "worthy" or "good" in the first place to deserve or "attract" happiness.

 

i hope you are feeling a little better today. i can tell you're in a slump and i've been a frequent visitor of The Slump™. i had to go through a lot of digging to weed out my mind of worthless things that make me miserable and although i will probably never be a jolly pollyanna, i can guarantee that life does become bearable, and even enjoyable. sometimes you have to start anew and have endless patience.

[RainyCoast]

I've done everything: I dated a lot, I've met soo many people, and still didn't found my soul mate. And the closest thing to my soulmate is A-person.

 

also, you are 23? something like that? oh damn that's not an age to meet The Person! What's the rush?

[TheLoser]

how did the doc appointment go? have you told doc how worried you are about the surgery? i hope he was able to put your mind at ease.

 

i went back to read those threads.

 

i think if you decide the moment that your conscious life begins, that you will experience all of it from the position of someone too accursed to ever experience anything nice, that doesn't mean life or love are cruel to you. it just means you decided to take on an accursed identity. and then what that does is when something nice comes your way, you're unable to enjoy it. like someone new comes into your life, and you can't bring yourself to accept that gift because you're still holding on to the old gift of pain.

 

OP.

 

getting over strong feelings takes times.

purging a depressive identity takes time. i know for me it started to improve noticeably after a year of really really intense work on that specifically, and there's still plenty of room for improvement

you have a lot of stress in your life right now with the surgery approaching, and your resentment for the hand you've been dealt.

 

you are doing the right things. having your physical health attended to. not giving to temptation to prolong a relationship that wasn't that good after all. you're seeing your therapist.

 

it hasn't even been that long. mourn your loss, let go of the attachment at a pace that is bearable to you. i can only speak for myself, but i am never able to take on a new quality or experience as long as i haven't gotten rid of the old one. for example, i can't make myself be a confident person until i purge an old identity that wasn't confident, i can't fall for people until i've let go of previous ones entirely etc. i think that goes for most people?

 

i think holding on to something that isn't worth the emotional investment, and something we don't want to actually materialize but just invest into emotionally is a way of sabotaging ourselves from experiencing happiness. have you considered the option? that maybe you are holding on to this "dead cathexis" because it's a way of assuring that you won't get to experience actual fulfillment?

 

i know that sounds so cliche but i am certain that warding happiness of like that stems from the belief of being globally worthless and undeserving somehow. i would ask my therapist to help me

1. identify the specific things that i believe make me unworthy and

2. challenge the belief that one needs to be "worthy" or "good" in the first place to deserve or "attract" happiness.

 

i hope you are feeling a little better today. i can tell you're in a slump and i've been a frequent visitor of The Slump™. i had to go through a lot of digging to weed out my mind of worthless things that make me miserable and although i will probably never be a jolly pollyanna, i can guarantee that life does become bearable, and even enjoyable. sometimes you have to start anew and have endless patience.

 

Doc. said that I will be his patient for the rest of my life. My genes are soo mutated that my polyps will just continue to grow and expand. I will probably die of cancer soon, 'couse they can't do anything about polyps in some places. So... nice life. I will go in hospital 2-3 times a year, every 3-4-5 months so... nice life overall. ^^

 

I'm avare of gift of pain. But the problem is my mind set. I just can't give myself 100% to anyone or anything. I can't even give 100% me to myself. "Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!"

 

I'm freakin' scared to death. I saw myself dying in dream few days ago. And I think that dream is sign for something, at this point I think I might have cancer, I don't dream things just by coincidence.

 

I know that it takes a lot of time to work on my feelings, ... And I'm doing a nice progress in my therapy group. Nurse and my doctor had pretty nice words for me last time.

 

Sometimes I think that God wants to save someone from me, or save me from someone. The problem is that I can't be alone anymore, but I don't need extra pain since my surgery is approching.

 

This is nice what U said. I agree with it. I know I need to let go some old things in order to get new onces. But I really like the "shy-me-identity", I can't imagine myself as "main and loud guy". Shy me is who I am. I'm also "I-like-to-suffer-guy". And I know that I need to get rid of that, but I freakin enjoy it. I don't know why.

 

Hm ... this one is complicated. I'm not afraid of happiness. But the main problem with this one is that I don't remember last time I was happy." Happiness is face that doesn't look good on me" (Good Charlotte qoute). A-person isn't worth my time. She didn't deserve a lot of things. So I won't bother about her anymore. I wanted to help with doctors and I did.

 

Actually, I had debate last time about happiness. We don't need to deserve anger, pain, and some negative emotions ... but why we need to deserve happiness? Nice debate around this question.

 

I'm kinda "ok" today, last night I had talk with some people, and they made me feel better and loved. So.. thanks to them. I know that I need to let go of some things in order to get new onces.

 

I hope I answered on all questions, I didn't get point in some onces, 'couse your english is kinda "expert" and "advanced", and I only speek "basic" english. I needed to use translate on some things.

 

also, you are 23? something like that? oh damn that's not an age to meet The Person! What's the rush?

 

I'm 23, yeah. The problem is ... I'm alone, both no GF and no friends. And last ~half year I feel like I'm loosing my mind, I'm not very stable at the moment. I lost one person 'couse of cancer, and my best friend shoot himself in the head. I just can't imagine I won't see both of them 'til the rest of my life.

[RainyCoast]

your english is good! if i am not easy to understand let me know, i'll try to be clarify

 

i'm very sorry to hear about the polyps. have they suggested medical trials or any treatments that would improve the overall state of your bowel? there is also counseling that is geared specifically towards people with chronic health problems. maybe your therapist and group can shed more light on the problem of living with something like that? i know it's not the same as a chronic condition, but when my mother was terminally ill, the hospital social worker gave me a lightbulb moment when she said "we are all dying since the day we were born". At first, i thought it rather blunt and insensitive of her to tell me that, my first thought was "but that's nothing like seeing my mother actively dying!". later, and still today, i turn that sentence around and around in my head...today it means that death is life's twin sister, and that actually has helped me, to think of it that way. transience, difficulties, unfairness, negative things in general have become a lot easier for me to bear since i started thinking of them as normal. i asked myself- where does it say that things like that should not happen? where is this cosmic rulebook that says one shouldn't experience something like that? it raised my frustration tolerance, so that when something is unpleasant, i think "of course. all of this is life".

 

Actually, I had debate last time about happiness. We don't need to deserve anger, pain, and some negative emotions ... but why we need to deserve happiness? Nice debate around this question.

I know, right?! i find it fascinating too. what is this talk of "deserving"? it makes people think that when something bad is experienced, it means they are bad! and that if one is fortunate, surely that must mean they are good and deserving? so many people are blamed for their experience. i hate blame placing. the idea that anyone and anything is to blame. i just erased it from my mind completely and replaced it with "responsibility". responsibility also means freedom, so i like it better. it means that if i am in a bad place, i am free (and deserving of!) to do my best to create a more pleasant experience for myself. to the extent that it is possible. where it isn't, i have the power to change my mindset, at least a little, just enough to feel comfortable. so this locus of control being inside of me, rather than outside has helped me, though it took time.

 

But I really like the "shy-me-identity", I can't imagine myself as "main and loud guy". Shy me is who I am. I'm also "I-like-to-suffer-guy". And I know that I need to get rid of that, but I freakin enjoy it. I don't know why.

shy is good. you can be shy. extravagant loud people aren't necessarily more healthy or happy, or even pleasant. the masochistic part is a different story, i am quite the moral masochist for example, and this is where i found out i believe i am unworthy of anything good- because everyone needs some kind of gratification, and when true gratification seems unattainable, we will settle for the "sick" kind just as well. so it wasn't until i discovered a)there are things in life i find satisfying and b) i don't need to be "good" in the first place and it is debatable what "good" is anyway and whether it makes people unworthy, that the masochism started to leave me.

 

perhaps your medical condition isn't related to your losses, but it sometimes is. it is interesting, the connection between the bowel and losing loved ones. i have a chronic inflammatory process in mine (but it's mild and so far i don't have any complications thankfully), but i first started noticing something was wrong with it at an age when it began to really bother me that i wasn't allowed to mourn my father's death. i always felt there was a connection. and it wasn't until many years later that i learned it is well known among psychologists, analysts and therapists that pathological mourning often affects the intestine. i even have dreams where i pick up pieces of resected bowels and want to throw them away, then a friend tells me not to because we need those for relationships.

 

i think you are definitely right not needing a relationship now before the surgery. you have so much internal work going on now, psychologically and physically that it is normal to be focused on that for now.

 

i used to feel so hopeless in my twenties that i was often suicidal. i decided that it was too early to throw in the towel. told myself things like "just endure another year. and another if need be". then "give it fifteen years. life doesn't really start before 30 anyway". i am 32 now. i do enjoy life. not all the time, but often. i have a lot of work to do still, but i am okay with that, because i have already seen that it pays off. i am at a point where i would want to be alive just to hear rain hitting the window, or birds singing. i never thought i would want to stay in this world, for whatever reason. but now i do.

 

i think you do too, that's why despite not feeling happy, you fear dying in the surgery room. a part of you wants to keep trying. it will grow stronger, you are doing everything to help that part grow.

[faraday]

I just read your thread about your surgery.

 

Several people in my family have died from rectal cancer as well. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis 4 years ago...it sucks. The first time I had a flare up...I was so scared. I have colonoscopies a few times a year, so I have an idea of where you're coming from.

 

Are you taking meds every day or do they have you on something like humeria? Have they tried different drugs? Solfalk enemas etc? Have they been trying something new after every colonoscopy?

 

It took them a while to get my cocktail figured out...but now I take 3 meds everyday and I'm in remission.

 

I guess I'm just hoping that you have doctors that aren't complacent- that are trying to solve this through meds...because keeping your colon is easier long term. But even if they take your colon- it's not a death sentence. It's a lifestyle change.

 

Being diagnosed with a chronic lifelong illness at a young age doesn't feel fair...and it isn't fair...but it happens all the time. It doesn't mean you'll never get married, never have children (if one day you want that), or that you won't be able to do amazing things- travel, extreme sports, etc...just that you'll have to plan a bit more.

 

It's not hopeless. I met my husband after I got sick. He married me knowing that one day I'll probably have a colostomy bag at some point. He married me knowing I spend around $500 a month on drugs (and right now he's laid off and we don't have a drug plan, so it's an extra huge burden financially but he doesn't resent me for it).

 

There's hope. It's important to keep a positive attitude.

 

Last year my mom was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer....when they got in there during surgery, they found out she was in stage 4- they took out her entire lung, and a bunch of lymph nodes. She then went through 16 rounds of chemo....5 hour treatments once a week...they really knocked her on her butt...then they found a stomach mass...they took that out...it's been about 4 months now...scans show that she's clean. Her doctors think that she was able to complete that gruelling chemo regiment because of her attitude. Most people quit- they stop chemo of that intensity because...they lose hope and feel like they won't live...so they don't. There is only a 5% chance of surviving the type of cancer that my mom has been fighting...but I really believe that she will- because she believes she will. Her doctor has said privately that attitude is often what separates that 5% that do survive. So stay positive.

 

And if a positive attitude can help you survive when there's only the smallest of chances...imagine what it can do if you apply it to other things...like love, friendship, happiness etc. Find the light. There's always a little, even in the darkest of places.

 

 

 

S

[RainyCoast]

also, these discussions you are having, in your group, in therapy, on here, keep doing that!

 

i wish i had started talking, discussing my experience sooner! when i began to talk about it with curiosity, with an investigative mind, questioning things, rambling about them, even with myself only, i began to experience them differently. that too, is a kind of "digestion", until we can change the form of our experience to a more easily "digestible" one, we remain stuck. it's great you started talking so early. i read a lot about things i was struggling with too, and that helped to re-conceptualize them.

[TheLoser]

I'll write on this 3 posts little bit after. Best friend just texted me so.. I'll write later.

[TheLoser]

your english is good! if i am not easy to understand let me know, i'll try to be clarify

 

I understand basic english, but I suck at some advanced statements and terms so.. I'll let U know.

 

i'm very sorry to hear about the polyps. have they suggested medical trials or any treatments that would improve the overall state of your bowel? there is also counseling that is geared specifically towards people with chronic health problems. maybe your therapist and group can shed more light on the problem of living with something like that? i know it's not the same as a chronic condition, but when my mother was terminally ill, the hospital social worker gave me a lightbulb moment when she said "we are all dying since the day we were born". At first, i thought it rather blunt and insensitive of her to tell me that, my first thought was "but that's nothing like seeing my mother actively dying!". later, and still today, i turn that sentence around and around in my head...today it means that death is life's twin sister, and that actually has helped me, to think of it that way. transience, difficulties, unfairness, negative things in general have become a lot easier for me to bear since i started thinking of them as normal. i asked myself- where does it say that things like that should not happen? where is this cosmic rulebook that says one shouldn't experience something like that? it raised my frustration tolerance, so that when something is unpleasant, i think "of course. all of this is life".

 

They suggested me to try with Aspirin, 'couse Aspirin has side effect to affect my cells not turn into cancer. But it's risky 'couse it's very high dosage, and it will probably sc**w up my stomach. So ... either risk with cancer, or risk with stomach ulcers. So.. I'm sc**wed.

 

I'm in the group with 6-7 other people, and we are "depression group". So we kinda talk about specific problems. I would need to find another group for "healt problems". We kinda have free topics sometimes, but most of the time we don't.

 

I agree, it's all life. Someone has disease which can turn into cancer, someone has sick kid, someone dies in car accident.. it's all life. We are born to die, we all live so we could die one day.

 

I know, right?! i find it fascinating too. what is this talk of "deserving"? it makes people think that when something bad is experienced, it means they are bad! and that if one is fortunate, surely that must mean they are good and deserving? so many people are blamed for their experience. i hate blame placing. the idea that anyone and anything is to blame. i just erased it from my mind completely and replaced it with "responsibility". responsibility also means freedom, so i like it better. it means that if i am in a bad place, i am free (and deserving of!) to do my best to create a more pleasant experience for myself. to the extent that it is possible. where it isn't, i have the power to change my mindset, at least a little, just enough to feel comfortable. so this locus of control being inside of me, rather than outside has helped me, though it took time.

 

I know about bad experience part. Since I see my therapist: I've got a lot of negative feedback about it. I don't even need to tell you about girls with prejudices. So .. I kinda "lie" about somethings in the beguinning. I tell some stuff when I feel comfortable with someone.

 

Hm. We are all here to do the best of us. I believe we all try and do the best we can. We all create our own world from the once which we live on. Our mind is powerfull, it can turn nothing into something. Earth into paradise.

 

shy is good. you can be shy. extravagant loud people aren't necessarily more healthy or happy, or even pleasant. the masochistic part is a different story, i am quite the moral masochist for example, and this is where i found out i believe i am unworthy of anything good- because everyone needs some kind of gratification, and when true gratification seems unattainable, we will settle for the "sick" kind just as well. so it wasn't until i discovered a)there are things in life i find satisfying and b) i don't need to be "good" in the first place and it is debatable what "good" is anyway and whether it makes people unworthy, that the masochism started to leave me.

 

I'm kinda person who likes to punish himself for anything wrong that I've done. So I punish myself a LOT. I also believe that loud people suffer, and that is their way to feel better. I know a guy from my group who is loud, and he kinda talks so other people would be happy around him. And I don't blame him for doing that. He does his life the best he knows.

 

We all enjoy in something. And it's outside our work and job. This a) statement reminds me of why I do the things I do... it's 'couse I enjoy it. And I know that someday I will probably need to leave my comfort zone and find real job and kinda not being happy with it 100%.

 

perhaps your medical condition isn't related to your losses, but it sometimes is. it is interesting, the connection between the bowel and losing loved ones. i have a chronic inflammatory process in mine (but it's mild and so far i don't have any complications thankfully), but i first started noticing something was wrong with it at an age when it began to really bother me that i wasn't allowed to mourn my father's death. i always felt there was a connection. and it wasn't until many years later that i learned it is well known among psychologists, analysts and therapists that pathological mourning often affects the intestine. i even have dreams where i pick up pieces of resected bowels and want to throw them away, then a friend tells me not to because we need those for relationships.

 

Hm. Very interesting statement. I believe somethings aren't just coincidence. I had bad dream and I think it means something. I'm kinda paranoid and I need to explore a lot, and I won't stop until I find the meaning. Subconscious knows a lot more things than me.

 

i think you are definitely right not needing a relationship now before the surgery. you have so much internal work going on now, psychologically and physically that it is normal to be focused on that for now.

 

I was thinking the same thing. But the problem is that I've met soo much nice people in last few weeks, and I kinda want to have coffee with them. And then I don't know. I really like one person from my other forum experience. We kinda set the date for our coffee, she is also sick like me, and we both wanna do that coffee. But I don't know her, I don't know what she has in love-plan.. but if I will like her after that coffee, I don't know what will I do. I can imagine myself with her, and I bet she can too. Long story about her, but I will meet with her. And later: God only knows.

 

i used to feel so hopeless in my twenties that i was often suicidal. i decided that it was too early to throw in the towel. told myself things like "just endure another year. and another if need be". then "give it fifteen years. life doesn't really start before 30 anyway". i am 32 now. i do enjoy life. not all the time, but often. i have a lot of work to do still, but i am okay with that, because i have already seen that it pays off. i am at a point where i would want to be alive just to hear rain hitting the window, or birds singing. i never thought i would want to stay in this world, for whatever reason. but now i do.

 

I also believe that I'm sended here for a reason. I have my "job" to do on earth, and when I do it: God will ask me to join him. I believe in life after death, and I'm not mad at God 'couse of my diagnose. I actually feel "special", and I won't say no to God if He asks me to join him one day.

 

I've heard from a lot of people that live starts in 30s, and I agree. At 20s U need to learn, go to collage, have classes, go in high school and stuff. And in 30s U have job, U have money, U can travel, date anyone. I kinda look forward to 30s.

 

i think you do too, that's why despite not feeling happy, you fear dying in the surgery room. a part of you wants to keep trying. it will grow stronger, you are doing everything to help that part grow.

 

I don't know if I wanna continue. I'm kinda prepared for both. If I will die - good. If I won't - even better. So ... Right now I'm scared to death and I don't wanna die before I experience some things. I know that I'm sick for a reason, and it will help me on my way to become a better person. I believe.

 

I just read your thread about your surgery.

 

Several people in my family have died from rectal cancer as well. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis 4 years ago...it sucks. The first time I had a flare up...I was so scared. I have colonoscopies a few times a year, so I have an idea of where you're coming from.

 

I'm very sorry to hear about you.

 

Are you taking meds every day or do they have you on something like humeria? Have they tried different drugs? Solfalk enemas etc? Have they been trying something new after every colonoscopy?

 

I don't take any drugs. They told me that I can only try with Aspirin, 'couse it will help my body cells to not turn into cancer, but that method is ricky for stomach 'couse of ulcers. I'm not taking any meds atm. They only told me that I will need to burn polyps every 3-4-5 months, and that there is no other way then this - for now.

 

My diagnose is: Familial adenomatous polyposis (FAP).

 

It took them a while to get my cocktail figured out...but now I take 3 meds everyday and I'm in remission.

 

I'm glad to hear that U keep going. But for me I can only go on colonosopies/gastroskopies all the time, and prey to God. There is no other way for now.

 

I guess I'm just hoping that you have doctors that aren't complacent- that are trying to solve this through meds...because keeping your colon is easier long term. But even if they take your colon- it's not a death sentence. It's a lifestyle change.

 

The good thing about my familly is that I always get the BEST doctors. I've kinda seen many of them, and I'm really happy with my current doctor. He knows his stuff. I agree - it's a lifestyle change.

 

Being diagnosed with a chronic lifelong illness at a young age doesn't feel fair...and it isn't fair...but it happens all the time. It doesn't mean you'll never get married, never have children (if one day you want that), or that you won't be able to do amazing things- travel, extreme sports, etc...just that you'll have to plan a bit more.

 

My disease is tricky, it has 50 - 50 chances to get my kid sicks, and I don't wanna gamble with cancer at 30s. So I decided not to have kids. I wanted to be dad sooo BAD. But it's not meant to be. And at this point I think I will quit dating for some time. I also think that sick people deserve to be happy so...

 

It's not hopeless. I met my husband after I got sick. He married me knowing that one day I'll probably have a colostomy bag at some point. He married me knowing I spend around $500 a month on drugs (and right now he's laid off and we don't have a drug plan, so it's an extra huge burden financially but he doesn't resent me for it).

 

U lucky duck. I can't even get further then 2 coffees... So I'm kinda jelaous at this point.

 

There's hope. It's important to keep a positive attitude.

 

I'm trying my best with this one.

 

Last year my mom was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer....when they got in there during surgery, they found out she was in stage 4- they took out her entire lung, and a bunch of lymph nodes. She then went through 16 rounds of chemo....5 hour treatments once a week...they really knocked her on her butt...then they found a stomach mass...they took that out...it's been about 4 months now...scans show that she's clean. Her doctors think that she was able to complete that gruelling chemo regiment because of her attitude. Most people quit- they stop chemo of that intensity because...they lose hope and feel like they won't live...so they don't. There is only a 5% chance of surviving the type of cancer that my mom has been fighting...but I really believe that she will- because she believes she will. Her doctor has said privately that attitude is often what separates that 5% that do survive. So stay positive.

 

I'm really glad to hear this story. I've also heard one good from one youtuber which I'm following for some time now. It gives hope when U hear things like this one.

 

And if a positive attitude can help you survive when there's only the smallest of chances...imagine what it can do if you apply it to other things...like love, friendship, happiness etc. Find the light. There's always a little, even in the darkest of places

 

S

 

Thank you for this part, especially last santence.

 

also, these discussions you are having, in your group, in therapy, on here, keep doing that!

 

I enjoy in my psychiatry group. People from group are amazing so. We spent a lot of time together after therapy, so it's pretty nice to talk with someone who has same problems and probably will understand you.

 

i wish i had started talking, discussing my experience sooner! when i began to talk about it with curiosity, with an investigative mind, questioning things, rambling about them, even with myself only, i began to experience them differently. that too, is a kind of "digestion", until we can change the form of our experience to a more easily "digestible" one, we remain stuck. it's great you started talking so early. i read a lot about things i was struggling with too, and that helped to re-conceptualize them.

 

I was quiet all my life, and I decided to turn board. I started to talk. And I feel it's better that way. I believe that there are people who can say a lot to the world, but they never find their way. So that kinda sucks. Sry if I didn't complete my thought, I G2G ....