Chocalot Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 How do i get over this? My boyfriend has some completely innocent relationships with female friends who he occasionally talk to yet it still upsets me. My past probably has a part to play in this after getting cheated on. But i dont want to feel like this. I feel the reason it upsets me is because when he speaks to other females on facebook messenger he speaks to them for a good hour or so constantly. Ive had arguments in the past with him over this which has been because i want to text my boyfriend more than he wants to text me as he feels he needs space which is fair considering we see each other for half of the week. But i cant accept that hell speak to other girls in that time. But he only speaks to others once a month or so which is probably why its a constant conversation. Bottom line is, i know my feelings are irrational, but i cant help feeling upset over this, how can i stop? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 This is where self-discipline comes in. You stop punishing him for your past and recreating past drama with old baggage. Arguing with him about it won't help and will push him away because it comes across as jealous and possessive and controlling. Why are you monitoring his social media activity so closely? Ironically the more you nag the less he'll want to text you.My past probably has a part to play in this after getting cheated on. Ive had arguments in the past with him over this which has been because i want to text my boyfriend more than he wants to text me as he feels he needs space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Blaze Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Well its pretty much the same title every time you post. You become insecure about something, you guys argue then repeat. so let me ask you this? what have you done to improve your insecurity issues? second, if you continue to argue and don't eye to eye on things and they keep coming up over and over again, maybe you guys just aren't meant to be with each other? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holistic17 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 You're right in thinking that this behaviour of yours is relayed to your negative experience in the past. However you have to get this in perspective and look at the risks you are running if you continue to act needy and insecure. He will walk away. Not every man is the same. He is in a relationship with YOU and he decides to be. Healthy relationships have boundaries. If you have no reason to believe that there's anything sinister in his other friendships with women, then you must allow him to have these people in his life in some way. You must control your insecurities or end up losing him altogether. A man likes a self confident, independent woman. Bring those qualities out in yourself, because you do have them! You have to trust him and not taint him with the same brush as your previous partner. Respect his space and don't pester him about it. Focus on developing your trust and love yourself. Be the best version of you that you can possibly be! He will love you even more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocalot Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 ive had CBT for my past issues, but i feel i somewhat 'relapse' back into my old feelings. Anyway im not going to say a thing about this to him as its not fair and we havent argued for over a month at all and things are going great. Youre right, the more i nag the less he wants to talk to me. Ive been talking to him a lot more than usual recently because i havent nagged in so long and plan on keeping it this way. I just want to stop feeling like this in myself. Im somewhat fighting with my mind at the moment. My threads have pretty much been me being insecure. But the difference this time is that ive got help and things have been good between us for a while now and im not going to argue over this issue. I just want to stop feeling like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwaspolk82 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 How do i get over this? My boyfriend has some completely innocent relationships with female friends who he occasionally talk to yet it still upsets me. My past probably has a part to play in this after getting cheated on. But i dont want to feel like this. I feel the reason it upsets me is because when he speaks to other females on facebook messenger he speaks to them for a good hour or so constantly. Ive had arguments in the past with him over this which has been because i want to text my boyfriend more than he wants to text me as he feels he needs space which is fair considering we see each other for half of the week. But i cant accept that hell speak to other girls in that time. But he only speaks to others once a month or so which is probably why its a constant conversation. Bottom line is, i know my feelings are irrational, but i cant help feeling upset over this, how can i stop? Who are the girls? Friends? Random women? If they are friends he has known for some time then I see no issue. If it's random women on Facebook then that's a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trulysad Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I know it may be hard to forget your past because I am in a similar situation and I know it isn't fun and can be emotionally draining. Don't focus on so much about who and when he talks to his friends. It is only going to hurt you in the end just like you said from your past. Try on focusing how to make your relationship stronger. Maybe have a heart to heart conversation with him. Sit it out all on the table and work together to strengthen your relationship. I hope it all works out for you! Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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