Moving in the direction toward a relationship but I have mixed feelings. Advice?

[lillorenzo23]

I met a guy about a month ago. I am 28 and gay, he is 22 and claimed at first to be bi. He's currently in his last semester of his masters degree and has about 2.5 months left before he graduates. The first night we hung out, we went to eat and drove around talking. He was explaining that he's tried having romantic relationships with girls, but it always felt so empty. He also told me that the sexual side of opposite sex relationships never really worked well, physically, for him. He started exploring same sex sexual relationships about two years ago, because he always had this attraction to guys growing up. Because he grew up in a conservative Christian household (much like myself), he always fought those attractions and never wanted to give into them, thinking living that way is a sin. During his exploration of same-sex sexual experiences, he told me that they worked physically for him, but he feels so empty, lonely, and bad after a one-time hookup. He said that he thinks there has to be more to life than an empty relationship with a girl, and empty hook-ups with guys, but he's never had anything more than either of them. I explained to him my entire situation with homosexuality, the struggles growing up, and my previous same-sex romantic relationships. He related a lot to me, and he said that I was a huge help to him seeing things in a different way.

 

After that night, we continued to text each other and our conversations were never dull. We found a decent amount of things in common, including our faith (which has been rare to find in the gay community). He asked me to hang out a few times, and we click really well. We always have a good time, find ourselves laughing a lot with each other, and it feels pretty awesome. After about a month of us hanging out about two or three times a week, he spent the night at my place after we went out with some friends and came back really late. He kissed me for the first time, which felt awesome, and we cuddled in bed together. I woke up in the morning for work and let him sleep in. When I came back to my apartment after work, I found all of my dishes done, my bed made, and my room cleaned. He's been talking a lot about things he wants us to do together in the summer. He's been talking a lot about how 'natural' it feels being around me, and even said that he never felt like he could pursue anything like this until now. He also told me that it's unfair for him to have to live a lie, and that he knows he is gay. He said he shouldn't have to worry about other people and what they think about how he lives his life.

 

My concerns:

 

1) When he graduates and starts the work force in about 10 weeks, he plans on staying here in Pittsburgh where we both are now. There is a small possibility that if he can't find a job here, he may have to move, but he said that it's unlikely.

 

2) He has never had a real relationship before, and from our most recent talks he seems like he is comfortable with his orientation, but he's yet to come out to anybody significant yet (just one or two close friends).

 

3) I had a two year relationship end back in November, and at first I never saw myself ever even being able to look at somebody else. Through getting to know this guy, that's changed and there's honestly times where I can see myself being in a relationship with him and having those deep feelings for him. There are also times where I will miss certain things about my ex. It isn't necessarily a comparison thing, because the new guy brings way more to the table and honestly there's things about him that I like way more than I did my ex. But, there's also things about my ex that I miss as well.

 

I guess what I'm getting to is...what do you guys think I should do?

[Tinydance]

It's almost 3 a.m. here so excuse the short reply coz I'm falling asleep but in a nutshell I think you should just go for it! It sounds like you like him and sounds like he likes you. Your concerns are valid and also you are six years older and a lot more experienced than him in dating and relationships, so he may have some catching up to do, but maybe just give him a chance. You haven't had sex or properly dated him yet so maybe just give it a go and see what happens. You have nothing to lose!

[holistic17]

Your post really made me smile! It's fantastic to hear about the connection you both have on so many levels. So congratulations on finding that firstly!

Do not worry yourself about his job prospects. He's already told you its unlikely he will have to move, so stay positive and keep checked in with him when he starts job hunting to see what the situation is. You dont know yet, so don't put out negative vibes in the universe as you'll only end up manifesting bad things back!

You say it's only been a month between you, I know that relationships develop differently for everyone, but I would say keep seeing how it goes. He sounds like he is thankful for you coming into his life as a potential partner that he develop with and he seems wise for his age.

You will miss certain things about your ex, but you've already said this guy brings so much more already! To me, it all looks good! Stay happy and enjoy each others company - keep getting to know him and things will fall into place with God's guidance if you pray with the right intentions and not out of your ego's insecurities. Best of luck for you both!