How to move on from him after finding out he was on tinder?

[fitzytour]

I was seeing a guy for 7 months, I met him on Tinder and while initially it was just about sex it developed into more and I fell in love with him. He opened up to me and told me he has chronic depression and anxiety. Things were good for a few months until he became distant and I found out he was back on tinder (he'd told me he was off it)! I was devastated but we worked through that and even though he had not officially asked me to be his girlfriend he told me he in January he would be ready to take the next step. So over the last few weeks he has been really depressed, been in and out of hospital, I had not seen him in a month but he told me if I gave him a few weeks he would come back to me. I found out over the weekend that he was on tinder again and I was devastated as Iv been nothing but supportive for the last month. I rang him to ask him about it and when I asked him why he was on tinder he just hung up on me. I sent him a few texts saying I was upset and needed him to speak to me and he told me he would block me if I did not stop. Im so utterly heartbroken at how he can be so cold. I know he has a lot of issues and I need to move on but an outsiders perspective on this would be greatly appreciated.

[Hollyj]

He has serious depression and anxiety, plus he is a serial cheat. What else do you need to know.

 

I think you need to address what attracted you to someone with sooooo many problems.

[Matt3939]

An outside perspective will tell you he's not interested and to move on.

[Tanzi]

It sounds as though it never really developed into more for him. He was still on Tinder looking for something that was "just about sex".

[SherrySher]

This is not about his anxiety and depression, this is about him not wanting to be in a serious, committed relationship with you. I'm not sure if you ever had to talk about being in a monogamous relationship with each other, though it doesn't sound like you have. That being said, it sounds as though he was just interested in a casual relationship with you and still wanted to see other women as well.

Now that you have asked him about it, he sounds upset with everything because he is not wanting what you were wanting, and he's not wanting to be involved with you anymore.

He's not acting like this because of the anxiety and depression, he is acting like this because he wants to do as he wishes and not be tied down.

I hope you can accept this and let it go.

Next time around if you want something a bit more serious, you should make your intentions known right from the start so there isn't mixed messages or for you to be shelved as only casual sex.

But you should leave this man alone now and find someone who wants the same things you want.

Good luck with everything.

[leseine7]

A few things stuck out to me while reading. First being - how did you keep finding out he was on Tinder? From my use of the app in the past, it was impossible just to track someone down on there unless a) I was still on it myself, or b) I was able to hack into the other person's phone to find out (Something I never did, but I'm assuming this would be the only way?). You can't exactly fault him for being on the app if you yourself still are. Did he specify why he was on there? Just simply still being on the app is one thing - was he meeting up with people he met on there? One can go on there without actually engaging with others. It is still shady, but it's not exactly the same as meeting up and full-on cheating.

 

In general, however, it sounds like this guy is not committed and unwilling to do the work of a relationship with you. Depression is common these days. I have depression. I sometimes have months where I feel like I can't get my ish together for anyone. In that time, however, I still manage to keep in touch with the people closest to me. Not everyone is like this, I get that, but then he shouldn't be in a relationship at all.

 

My gut reaction while reading your post is that it's most likely he is seeing other people and using the 'depression' and 'hospitalisation' card as a way to see others and you 'if you give him a few weeks.' I hate to say that, but honestly if you yourself haven't seen him in the hospital and haven't seen adequate proof of whats really going on while you guys are apart for a month, it seems likely there is a lot more to this story. Regardless, I think its clear you guys are incompatible and you should move on.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like all he wants and is capable of is casual dating, just as it started. Go no contact and block and delete him. He never wanted a relationship and still doesn't.

I was seeing a guy for 7 months, I met him on Tinder and while initially it was just about sex. he had not officially asked me to be his girlfriend. I found out over the weekend that he was on tinder again. when I asked him why he was on tinder he just hung up on me. he would block me if I did not stop.

[holistic17]

Wow he sounds like a right keeper. NOT. He's got poorly controlled mental health issues and also clearly unable to be honest with you. Stop chasing him. If you're doing this now, imagine what life would be like if you committed to be with him! Talk about emotional roller coaster. Find yourself a mentally stable and honest man who has his s**t together. Don't try to change or "save" this one. You can't. Let it go and move on.