He took my virginity then dumped me over text

[Lydia Lovette]

Before I start I should say that I'm only 14. I'll call the boy, also 14 (going on 15) Sam. So, Sam and I had had an on/off relationship for a while. Most times it was him breaking up with me and always over text. We'd been broken up for a while but I'd kept my feelings for him.

So, he sends me a message (yes, I know) asking me if I wanted to give it another shot. All of my friends told me I was being stupid to go with it because "he's dodgy" (He's a bit "sex and drugs and rock and roll") but he's always told me how special I was to him so, I thought: why not? We'd been together and happy for 8 weeks and taking it pretty slow when Sam asked if we could move faster. So, just a couple of days ago (Wednesday), when we were at his, I gave him my virginity. He knows how sensitive I am and that that evening meant a lot to me and that it meant I took our relationship very seriously.

So, for the next couple of days he was a bit odd- casually pushing me away when I hugged him, sitting in seats away from me in class. My friend told me it's just because he didn't what me clinging to him 24/7.

Then I get this text last night, this is the exact text: "i've had a lot of fun wit u and i like u a helluva lot but i don't really feel like i'm ready for a serious relationship at this point in my life n i don't wanna lead u on i'm so sorry" Obviously, my heart sank.

This is my issue(s): I feel used because if he knew how much the relationship must have meant to me on Wednesday and felt the way he did, then he shouldn't have ed me. I just feel like I've been ticked off his list you know? Like "I've ed that one so let's just dump her and move on" If he really didn't want to lead me on then that was the time to stop it.

And the other thing is how embarrassing this is going to be for me, yesterday I was telling people how we're great and I'm so happy and then suddenly it's like this. All my friends warned me and said I was being stupid to go back to him but I told them he was different now and they were all wrong about him.

i just feel so stupid and used.

The other problem is is that I think I love him even so, if he were to ask me to be with him again I can't say with certainty that I'll reject him. I feel so lost and alone. I'm such a silly girl.

[JaggerJim]

Hi Lydia

 

Not all boys will treat you like that in the future. Maybe he got scared and over-whelmed. I know you really liked him. If he does come back around, just tell him "No".

 

Did he use a condom?

[pippy longstocking]

Hiya darling ,

 

I will say to you what I would say to my own daughter ( after I have grounded her for a month) ..

 

You have done it now , you have had sex and lost your virginity and it is important that you don't now spend the rest of your life regretting it ok because it is done now and there is an old saying , * there is no use crying over spilt milk * so in other words , it is a waste of time worrying yourself and liviing with regret when you cannot change past events .

 

You liked Sam and him you , whatever his intentions where afterwards you have to remember that at that moment in time he wanted to be with you and share that moment , so just try and keep that as your memory .

 

You are both at an age that causes hormonal anarchy in every part of your body and girls are a lot more mature at 14/15 then boys are . Sam sounds very immature and although you was ready for a serious relationship and took this part ( losing your virginity) very seriously he probably hasn't reached anywhere near that level in his mind and probably wont for a good few years yet .

 

Also try and get out of the mindset that he *took* it , it will help you in the long run to replace all the negatives with a positive or at least a fact ...you gave him your virginity darling , I understand you gave him it with the intent on being in a committed serious relationship . but none the less , he didn't take it .

 

if your friends are real friends they will support you through this time , you don't look stupid , not at all , he just looks like a dog and not worth anyones effort for anything real and who you are will never be in question .

 

This happens at 14 , at 34 , at 54 etc etc ...men and women tell a wonderful story and pretend to be more committed then they are just to get sex . You are not alone in this , people twice your age have fallen for a nice boy/girl only to realise it led nowhere .

 

Sadly this is the techno age and again sadly , we dump and get dumped by text and email . I have done it by email I admit and I have being dumped by email ..

 

You will be ok darling , try not to blow this up any bigger in your mind x.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. At least you learned early on that the bad boys are fun and exciting but they'll play you. Ignore him and go no contact delete and block him from social media. Next time, go at your own pace and don't try to keep a guy with sex. Never works.

I'm only 14. I'll call the boy, also 14. He's a bit "sex and drugs and rock and roll". We'd been together and happy for 8 weeks and when we were at his, I gave him my virginity. Then I get this text last night, this is the exact text: "i've had a lot of fun wit u and i like u a helluva lot but i don't really feel like i'm ready for a serious relationship at this point in my life n i don't wanna lead u on i'm so sorry"

[Clio]

You need to try not to see yourself as a victim. You chose to have sex with him. You chose to take a risk. It didn't work out and sadly that is part of life. It happens. Now you know. You cannot and should not expect of anyone to protect your feelings for you. If someone seems promiscuous and/ or dodgy it is YOUR job not to trust him. As for the text message, it has nothing to do with you. It is how he always communicated. Just another sign that he is immature and not that good of a person. Not a reflection on you but a reflection of HIS cowardice and lack of communication skills. You were in love with him and it happens to the best of us. No reason to feel bad BUT make sure you learn the lessons in this. Chin up. It will all be alright!

[Lydia Lovette]

Hi Lydia

 

Not all boys will treat you like that in the future. Maybe he got scared and over-whelmed. I know you really liked him. If he does come back around, just tell him "No".

 

Did he use a condom?

 

Yeah, he did.Thanks for your concern. I'm going to do my best to reject him if he comes back again

[Lydia Lovette]

Thank you. I guess a lot of it is about our maturity levels. I should have thought more carefully about it first but I guess I just have to think of it as a memory and not a scar.

[Lydia Lovette]

You're right. I guess it was just a bit of fun. I'll remember this for the future. -Thank you

[Lydia Lovette]

Yeah, it's all part of life I suppose- making mistakes

[abitbroken]

He only took what you were willing to give.

 

Honey, you are a child and you need to tell your mom you had sex and ask her to take you to get tested for STDs and to take a pregnancy test. You need to not have sex again until you are older and can handle the emotional and physical consequences. Save it for when you are ready and for someone you actually love and have been in a relationship a long time - over 18 years old for sure. 20 is even better.