I feel so guilty..

[Chantillylace]

Hello everyone.

 

Feeling so horribly guilty about my actions and I'm not sure what to do.

 

In basic terms I kissed a guy and more who has a girlfriend.

 

More complicated terms? Me and this guy have been friends for a long time now and have been a great support to eachother. Recently we've both gone through some tough times, leaned on one another and as a result grown closer. Possibly going past 'just friends' in the feelings department.

 

Last night we was both at birthday night out for a mutual friend, both had some alcohol and kissed.

 

At the end of the night we decided to share a cab home as we live around the corner from eachother. Well I didnt make it home I ended up going back to his, we didn't have sex but we wasn't far off and I slept in his bed that night before going home the next morning.

 

Now I just feel horribly guilty, yes I was drunk but I knew he had a girlfriend and there's zero excuse for my behaviour. If someone did that to be id be pretty darn upset and I'm not proud of my actions in the slightest.

 

He too feels guilty about this and has gone to see his girlfriend this weekend to discuss their relationship and have 'that' chat.

 

I never meant for my friendship with this guy to change into anything more, it just kind of did without me really noticing. He feels the same and we are both responsible for acting on that feeling when it was innapropriate to do so.

 

Just feel ashamed of myself really, I certainly won't do anything like this again.

[angrythoughts]

"The chat" meaning what? He's gonna tell her he's cheated or is he breaking up with her?

 

We all make mistakes. Just make sure not to do it again. If this becomes a pattern you'll end up taking the side chick role wanting all kinds of commitment that he will not grant you.

[Chantillylace]

The chat as in he wants to end the relationship.

 

If he didn't there's no way on this earth anything would happen between us again. I have no intention of being someone's bit on the side, what happened yesterday was wrong enough.

[stuka80]

at least both of you are owning up to your mistakes and feel remorse. hopefully this is a lesson well learned for the future

[ParisPaulette]

I would simply tell him that that was a massive mistake and he can look you up again six months down the road AFTER he has broken up and had time to be single. And then IF you're still single, maybe something could happen BUT right now you are out.

 

And then I'd block and delete him and yes, move on regardless of whether he breaks up or not. You do not want to ever take up with someone who monkey-branches from one relationship to the next and cheats on his last partner with you.

 

Or yeah, the same thing is more than likely to happen to you. So this is what you do, you tell him by text no contact for six months at least AFTER he ends his last relationship. And can then take it slow to prove to you he doesn't just jump to a new relationship after the newness and excitement wears off of his last one.

 

I'm sorry, but rewarding this guy's behavior by starting a relationship with him just right after he dumps someone else is going to probably not end well for you. Most know better, don't go out looking to cheat or get so close to someone that they then end up crossing lines, and try to fix it with, "Okay, I'll leave her/him for you."

 

That's just not a good thing, ever. That's how I'd handle it anyways, because that's pretty slimy that he got that close to you to begin with when he had a girlfriend. She should have been his primary emotional support and if he wasn't getting that, he should have ended things long before it got to the point it did of you two cheating.

 

It's good you feel ashamed, but now you need to really act on that and put him in his place, squarely, while maintaining your boundaries since he very apparently couldn't do that with his current partner.

[Chantillylace]

I completely agree with you.

 

He told me that he wanted to end his relationship, I said that was fine but he had to end it because he no longer wanted to be with her not because he thought he was just going to end up with me.

 

I also made it clear if he did end it we certainly wouldn't be together the next day as we needed some time to be seperated.

 

This isn't an ideal situation and not something I ever intended to do, if i could take it back I would. I also agree he should of ended his relationship a while ago but unfortunately that's his choices not mine.

[Wiseman2]

You may want to rethink the friendship. He puts everyone in untenable situations. He's tries to have drunken hookups with his "friends" and cheats on his gfs. Think about that. What comes around goes around. If you let your attraction lead you, how do you know he won't try to hookup with "friends" or cheat?

He told me that he wanted to end his relationship

[JaggerJim]

Sounds like you have no boundaries. You want what you want. That's fine and all, but sometimes you have to think about other people's feelings in the future.

[Chantillylace]

You may want to rethink the friendship. He puts everyone in untenable situations. He's tries to have drunken hookups with his "friends" and cheats on his gfs. Think about that. What comes around goes around. If you let your attraction lead you, how do you know he won't try to hookup with "friends" or cheat?

 

I don't know that and I guess that would be my karma if i decided to be with him wouldn't it really.

 

For the time being I've told him I can't have contact with him and i think that's best.

[indea08]

Sounds like you have no boundaries. You want what you want. That's fine and all, but sometimes you have to think about other people's feelings in the future.

 

Seriously?? Did you even read her post?!

 

You've done all the right things...sh*t happens sometimes, it doesn't make you the worst person in the world. Give it some time, everything will look better once the storm has passed.

 

Best of luck.