Opinions, please

[SherrySher]

I already know that this is a strange thing, but wanted to hear what you thought as well.

I only just met this man on a site. We have literally only spoken a few times. But he left me a message and gave me his phone number and said that he wanted to speak to me on whatsapp.

I actually don't use whatsapp, so I rang the number to let him know and to say hello.

There was no answer, and he told me that he was in a meeting right when I rang. Okay, no problem.

Then it wasn't mentioned again until yesterday. I rang the number again to say a quick goodnight, and he had literally just left me a message on the site but I thought I would ring instead of typing back.

Same deal, no answer.

I typed to him instead and said something like.."hey, was gonna surprise you with a quick goodnight over the phone, but no answer on your end?" He read my message, didn't reply and then was gone.

I thought it was strange.

He then showed up this morning and left a message explaining to me that the phone I actually rang him on, he only uses it for whatsapp or texting, and he had the ringer shut off, which is why he didn't answer. He also said that he uses a different phone for actual phone calls, but never gave me the number.

I am definitely not attached so I don't think I will continue talking to him, but there definitely is something weird here....agree?

[RainyCoast]

maybe he was only interested in sexting and nudes?

 

yeah, weirdo.

[SherrySher]

Hmmm, it didn't seem like it. I got the impression more like a married man.

Two different phones is weird and he seemed almost panicky when I rang last night..lol.

[SherrySher]

I actually think he had to come up with some kind of excuse for not answering so he told me the two different phones thing, but it just seemed fake.

[RainyCoast]

maybe i'm so not up to date on modern communication, but i just find it weird in general when people fully shift communication to app only, social media only, or text only. what's wrong with talking? and coffee? texting and apps seem easier to hide from spouses, yes.

[JoyfulCompany]

Sounds fishy to me. After all, he also has your number now and he could've called back but he didn't.

[SherrySher]

Yep, and he also wouldn't give me the number of the phone he supposedly uses for calls only.

[westwardho18]

He has a wife and probably kids who the hell has seperate phones for calls and texts?? Drug dealers and cheaters that's who, also you met on a site, case closed

[pippy longstocking]

It is not looking good at all darling is it ... I am not in the modern day at all ..I don't have a mobile phone even . But I agree with everyone's interpretation .

I am curious though what his next move will be .

[SherrySher]

No, Pippy, it's not looking good. No worries though, I was just getting to know him, better to find out early than later, right?

And omg, you do have a mobile, but it's behind a freezer..haha.

[Capricorn3]

Very weird indeed. You have massive red flags on this dude - trust your gut instinct and give him a wide berth. He's bad news (as in married) and looking for messing around. Go full NC.

[Batya33]

I would not be in contact with him anymore and not spend any more time analyzing who he is/why/his various modes of [non]communication. Also I wouldn't in general do the "wanted to say a quick goodnight" - do that after you've had a number of dates in person and things are potentially steady/serious - that's something couples do. He is basically a stranger until you meet in person and then it remains to be seen if you have an official date. He- meaning the next person you contact -this person is not available.

[SherrySher]

Thank you Capricorn, and I agree Batya, although he was the one who gave me his phone number. I actually think it was fine to have called quickly. He had said a whole goodnight thing in his message and was waiting for a reply, to be honest, I was too tired to type back, which is why I was going to ring quickly. It's just another means of communication after all.

But yeah, I am not bothering with him again, it just seemed too weird.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't think that I would continue to pursue him.

[j.man]

Personally, I hate surprise social calls from people I know and love, so I always groaned whenever a woman I'd just started talking to on a site tried to hit me up. And I did a few times blow off the first call when they tried it. I really don't rank it much higher than emailing or texting to get to know someone. Plus, I've hated it since even way before text messaging was a thing. Still, I'd send them a text with something like, "Hey, sorry I missed your call. I can shoot you a call for a few minutes around [x time]." I never just repeatedly blew them off or told them about a phone for calling or explain to them some crap about a texting phone and a calling phone.

 

Even if he were telling the truth, though, the fact he never volunteered his "phone for calling" number speaks volumes. He's either too diffident to bother with a quick phone conversation or he was only ever interested in a digital flirt.

 

Definitely wouldn't waste my time any more with him.

[Matt3939]

Been trying to think about this one. When I use OLD I make a separate email just for that. Maybe he only has a work phones? I still think it's shady though. I know if I give my number out Im calling whoever right away just to get a phone conversation out of the way.

[Batya33]

Thank you Capricorn, and I agree Batya, although he was the one who gave me his phone number. I actually think it was fine to have called quickly. He had said a whole goodnight thing in his message and was waiting for a reply, to be honest, I was too tired to type back, which is why I was going to ring quickly. It's just another means of communication after all.

But yeah, I am not bothering with him again, it just seemed too weird.

 

Whether he starts it or not in general I wouldn't do the couply stuff before you meet and start dating in person. You don't need to be rude -if someone sends a message like that and he is a stranger as in your case you can reply "thanks! same to you!" just as you would to for example someone on the next treadmill who wished you a good day.

[James516]

Any level of confusion, frustration or exasperation that someone causes when first in contact with them, needs only to be interpreted one way - Next!

[pippy longstocking]

No, Pippy, it's not looking good. No worries though, I was just getting to know him, better to find out early than later, right?

And omg, you do have a mobile, but it's behind a freezer..haha.

 

yeah better to find out earlier ... yeah I can understand why you wrote what you wrote on the red flag thread now ... you haven't ignored it , you haven't chosen to bury your head because you want to be with someone .. as we know ..many would ..we probably both have infact ( squirms) so kudos for that sherry ....I am pissed off someone dare ot mess our fabulous sherry around though ..ggrrrrrrrrr

 

well yes that is true hahaha I must get it out at some point ..

[pippy longstocking]

Been trying to think about this one. When I use OLD I make a separate email just for that. Maybe he only has a work phones? I still think it's shady though. I know if I give my number out Im calling whoever right away just to get a phone conversation out of the way.

 

what does OLD mean matt

 

 

edit .. got it ..online dating ? sorry , it's marley o clock ...ignore me for the rest of the day

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Red flags.

I got the impression more like a married man.

[notalady]

His explanation is what I find weird, not the not answering call part. Some people do indeed have two phones, one for work, one for personal life. But I've never heard of people who only text on one and only do calls on another. Anyway seems too complicated for you to try and figure out this early, clearly you guys have different expectations on early communication to say the very least, and that could mean a no-go.

 

But I have to say, I for one hate unplanned/surprise phone calls (unless it's for work during work hours), even from friends, which doesn't happen much. Well...I hate phone calls full stop, but especially so if it's someone I've only chatted online for a few times and not yet met in person, calling without first agreeing on a time. Personally, I've always found that intrusive. I could be busy or have company, you never know. I don't know, I always feel flustered when people call me unexpectedly (again for outside of work), like I feel unprepared. I just hate that feeling.

 

I also have my phone set on silent perpetually. First it started as just when I'm at work, then, I don't know, I started liking that I have the control of answering or not answering (they can leave voicemail or message) and I'll call back at a time that suits me, without the ringer sort of forcing me to answer (to silent it).

 

I don't think giving out phone number means they want you to call unless they explicitly say so. At least make arrangements next time before calling, I think. Also, agree with another poster that the "quick good night" is better saved for after a few dates and things seem to be going well.

[SherrySher]

Thank you all so very much for the advice and taking the time to reply, I appreciate it very much!!

It was weird, to say the least, he kept pushing for whatsapp and also told me about other apps he had like that. I am old school, I admit it. I find hearing a voice or seeing someone in person much more personable than to be texting away or leaving typed messages, it's not really my deal.

But the thing is, he was almost adamant about not ringing him, and yes he would not give me the so called number of the phone he supposedly uses for phone calls only. (Not that I asked but he never offered and it was never mentioned again) although he pressed the point about if I had wanted to continue chatting, it had to be text.

Meh, I am moving on from that one. I find it too weird and too shady.

If there is a weird feeling..move on, lifes too short for that shiznit.

 

On a different note, isn't it weird how our times have changed so drastically that a phone call seemed completely normal and now it's almost intrusive? Texting has taken over. I come from a different time that's for sure.

[notalady]

On a different note, isn't it weird how our times have changed so drastically that a phone call seemed completely normal and now it's almost intrusive? Texting has taken over. I come from a different time that's for sure.

 

Well...there was a time where phones didn't exist or was uncommon too. I bet people also said similar things when phones became a common means of communication. It's all dependent on how you use these communication tools, whether it's phone call or text.

 

To clarify, I don't rely on text for getting to know someone. Early on, it's only to set up dates, and do so asap. Then get to know each other in person. Nothing beats face to face.

[SherrySher]

Yep, I totally agree!