REALLY Need Advice

[debiea]

So I'm 21 years old, and I'm finishing my last semester as a junior. I'll graduate next year. I've been with my boyfriend, 26, since I was a sophomore. He's an amazing person who has helped me out with everything I could have ever hoped for. He graduated in mechanical engineering and has a stable job and a good salary.

 

Recently, I broke my leg and he's been providing for me financially and emotionally. I live with my mother and my younger sister but since the accident, I haven't been working or in school. It's a little difficult because I'm the main provider for the three of us. Because of this my boyfriend helps my mom and sister pay for what's missing because of my injury even though they have been fine covering the expenses. I leave for college every semester and my boyfriend has been the one to help me pay for school and books and everything I need.

 

Recently, he asked me to move in with him and I'm not sure what to do. My parents are strict people who would not understand if I were to tell them. My mom has provided for me while in school occasionally but my boyfriend has been the one to provide for me more than she does because he makes more than my mom does and has the liberty to do so. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. I know a lot of people think that at age 21 you're too young, but I have been an adult and have undertaken adult responsibilities for my family since 18 when my father left. I took over the expenses and cover mostly everything and I'm in college to try to make something better of my life so we won't struggle. Is moving in with my boyfriend a good idea?

[gebaird]

To summarize, your options appear to be:

 

1) Risk disappointing your boyfriend by not moving in with him

2) Disappoint your parents by telling them you are moving in with your boyfriend

3) Move in with your boyfriend, but don't tell your parents about it

 

I think this really comes down to a question of what you want, and what you're willing to give up in order to get it. Will your boyfriend still love you if you don't move in with him? Will your parents still love you if you do? How comfortable would you feel living a lie?

 

I'd recommend going to a quiet place and sitting with this question for a while. In the end, what your boyfriend and family think isn't as important as what you think.

 

Don't make a decision this big based on the desires of others. Once you decide upon a course of action, you won't be able to completely control the outcomes--so be sure you are ready to accept the full range of potentialities.

[angrythoughts]

If you choose to move in with your boyfriend, make sure it's for more than just financial reasons. It sounds like you'd be moving in with him just for him to support you. Moving in with a boyfriend is a major step in a relationship.

 

You said you're the main provider of your family. If you move in with your boyfriend does that mean you won't help them financiall anymore?