Just got out of a 2 year+ toxic relationship... rant/need advice

[DrNatt]

Hey all, I've been on the forums for a few years, but just made an account. Sorry for the language and immature typing style... I'm just kind of excited to be out of this trap and talking about this subject brings back really bad memories that makes me sad and upset.

 

Just wanted to post my story about a relationship I was held hostage in for the past two years. Don't get me wrong, it started off great! I loved spending every second with her, up until about 6 months in the relationship when she went absolutely bat insane.

 

She wanted to put a tracker on my phone so she always knew where I was (yes she got mad at me for declining that). She'd get angry with me if I wanted to go out with my friends, even just go over and watch a football game. I "couldn't" drink a single beer, smoke (weed), or have fun really (I am a university student studying chemistry, this is the one time in my life I'll be able to be doing this kind of stuff). I had to lie to her weekly about my whereabouts, cause she'd just get so pissed if I tried to go out with my guy friends. Every time I was with her in person she'd be pissy from the start, I'd try to cheer her up, she wouldn't respond to my efforts, so I'd give up and just stop talking. Then she'd be like "well what's your problem? Why are you being so mean to me?".

 

I'm a very very VERY positive guy. I always look at the bright side, never try to argue, never want people to be sad. I spend my days spreading happiness to people around me. This was a complete mental drain on me.

 

like that happened EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. we'd get together. No kidding. I couldn't even check my phone around her either without her wanting to read my text messages or scroll through all my pictures. If I pulled my phone out, she'd say "can I see your phone?" (yes... every time) and then get irritated and angry that I was reluctant to do so (because the FIRST time I let her... well she snatched the phone out of my hands, she made my whole weekend absolute hell that I spent with her.). No, I have nothing to hide except a couple pot plants in my pictures (I go to school in Colorado don't worry, we're about 7 hours away from each other. She's anti-weed so not going to happen.)

 

I was really getting tired of the accusations, holding me hostage emotionally in the relationship, she remembers everything from the past and brings up a bunch of irrelevant and stupid stuff. I feel like I'm being interrogated by someone I shouldn't have to feel that way about. One day she was invited by one of her male friends and his family to go to a theme park. I was a little skeptical, but hey, I can trust her right? She told me she made out with him. I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING TOGETHER WITH ANOTHER GIRL, AND SHE'S OVER HERE THINKING I'M CHEATING ON HER.

 

Constantly complaining about everything and just overall had really bad self esteem (even though she was really pretty).

 

AND THEN SHE WAS MAD AT ME BECAUSE I SAID I WAS UNSURE ON WANTING TO MARRY HER. OH HELL NO!!! I WOULD RATHER BE HOMELESS THAN TO LIVE WITH HER!

 

I had been trying and trying to break up with her since YEAR 1. Every time she would make it stupidly hard for me on purpose. She kept me in this relationship that I didn't want to be in.

 

Eventually I just gave up. Our conversations lost meaning. After so long of being drug around by my balls I just couldn't take it anymore. You shouldn't be in a relationship when the only way you can stand to be around them is to be drunk or high. After sacrificing 2 years of college... feeling stressed out, feeling like I couldn't go out with my friends, feeling trapped, and I am finally out. Thank God.

 

I feel like I have a huge weight off my chest.

 

I'm honestly scared of relationships now. I'm scared to be trapped in something I don't want to be in, where I can't live my own life. I don't want to even date girls for a very long time because of this. I still feel like I have to be self conscious about what I post on social media, and that I still feel like I'm in this relationship even though I'm not. She would ask me to be honest with her and communicate. Every time I did, she would, of course, get angry with me.

How long till I can be normal again and finally feel 100% free? Has anyone else experienced something like this?

 

Like I said, sorry for typing this post up like a child, I can get kind of emotionally driven by this cause it was a really rough time in my life.

[DrNatt]

I love you all. It feels so good to be "single" again.

[Naomi99]

Your post was seriously refreshing to read. Typically the posts here are "just broke up..how can i get her back?" and yours is completely opposite.

 

Dude, you can do whatever you want. It's your life, not hers, and you no longer have to answer to her. If you want to post on social media, go for it. You are not responsible for her feelings. And if she freaks out, not your problem.

 

Live. Have fun. Live is a banquet and so many people are starving.

[ParisPaulette]

First off, you are free. Tell yourself that every single chance you get until it really sinks in, because that takes a bit to do so. (I've had two toxic relationships in my life, trust me it takes awhile but it does happen.)

 

Second, move forward and go out and do all of the things you couldn't when you were with her. Revel in it, even. Understand there will be sadness, regret, that a breakup even if it's with a toxic person hurts. And it's okay. Then move on with your life.

 

Journaling, working out, taking up a great new activity like dancing or art or whitewater rafting, fill in the blank, can help tremendously.

 

You have made it out of the toxic zone, do not wish to go back, and are moving forward. I'd say that puts you well ahead of the game, my friend. Take care of yourself and realize you do not have to get back into dating or anything just yet.

 

Just savor the sweet, sweet freedom of not being chained to toxicity, work out in your own time what red flags to look for and to run from, and go take a year off to enjoy and find yourself. You will only be better for it. Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

Great story. She sounds like a hot mess. Sounds like a prison. Glad you escaped alive.

SHE WAS MAD AT ME BECAUSE I SAID I WAS UNSURE ON WANTING TO MARRY HER. OH HELL NO!!! I WOULD RATHER BE HOMELESS THAN TO LIVE WITH HER!

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