Am a ?

[elleem]

The person I love with all my heart hates me. I (20f)have a past , a terrible humiliating shameful past. My boyfriend likes to constantly remind me of the I am in full detail and questions why he is with me. He doesn't believe or realize how tremendously all of it pains me.

I can't change or take back what happened. He acts as if I can. If I say i think I changed for the better in the slightest , he denies it. I have never cheated on him and do not plan to. He thinks I'm the world's biggest for being with other people.

We are several(7) months in this relationship and I can see he's distancing himself. Now that school is here he never wants to hangout with me on the weekends. Never really replies during voice chat. He questions if we should have affection and seeing my face reminds him of a . I try so hard to explain my emotions on this. He sees me as nothing more than a liar and a .

 

I have no outside life because of the way he thinks of me. No friends, no contacts..just my family. I feel guilty going out on my own. I see him at school and he's flat out embarrassed to be around me and hold my hand. He makes me feel like I'd be better off dead. I look in the mirror and hate myself inside and out. He says he loves me , but not for what I am. He constantly dwells on my past and keeps thinking of me worse and worse. I love him so much, but he thinks of me so badly what should I say or do?

 

8 men before him and including 2 of them I barely met. I hesitated to bring up these 2 men because I am even more ashamed and I failed to bring them up for 2 months so I lied. He found out about the men by reading my face book messages on the day of my birthday September 6 -the worst day. The reason why I gave myself away was not for pleasure, but to seek companionship. I went to play pool with some random the night before I even met my boyfriend. To be clear nothing happened physically that night. My boyfriend who prefers the term significant other finds it hard to believe that my heart is full of regret and cannot nor can myself fully understand the shameful acts I have committed. I mention this because if I show him the replies one day, he would want me to include this info.

[agent1607307371]

what should I say or do?

 

There's nothing you can say or do because his behaviour is that of an abusive man who is likely with you because he can call you these things and use your past against you. This is verbal abuse and emotional abuse.

 

He doesn't believe or realize how tremendously all of it pains me

He knows. He enjoys hurting you.

 

 

You need to dump him and see a councellor or therapist to help you move into more positive mental place. Also, you don't ever have to reveal your past to someone unless you know they won't use it against you. Anyone who does, it not worthy of being with you.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to say but you are with an abusive jerk. End it and read up on 'dating red flags', 'abusive relationship warning signs', etc.

 

You do have an outside like once you unchain yourself from this bozo. Join school activities, sports, clubs, study groups, etc and tell your parents what this hole is doing to you.

 

Ask your parent to take you to a therapist to help with these thoughts and feelings. Are you in a culture where you have to be a virgin or something? Why is this such a big deal?

We are 7 months in this relationship and I have no outside life because of the way he thinks of me. He makes me feel like I'd be better off dead. I look in the mirror and hate myself inside and out. He constantly dwells on my past

[RainyCoast]

He doesn't believe or realize how tremendously all of it pains me.

he knows. he does it on purpose. he is an expletive.

 

8 men. so. you're young. check for stds if you haven't yet, but other than that, what you've done is young people's idea of having a sex life. when you started off saying what a terribly shameful past you had i thought you prostituted yourself for drugs and Prada, had a meth lab in your mother's basement and killed a small child's puppy. and if you did that, what a normal person would do is break up with you saying they are not comfortable with that, not stay with you and degrade you.

 

woman. you had a sex life. and a love life too maybe.

 

nothing wrong with you but the fact you allow someone as mean as him to convince you're bad and deserving of humiliation.

 

dump this arse, and just to give the prissy saint nightmares, tell him you're off to have group sex with a football team.

[dias]

You know, I think people who dwell on the past are losers by definition. "Normal successful" people look to the future. It's pretty petty to belittle someone for his past. Anyway, this is not your case because obviously there is nothing to be ashamed of.

[Annia]

Dump him now. He's a an abusive jerk and you gain nothing in being with a loser like him.

[Capricorn3]

The person I love with all my heart hates me. and questions why he is with me. He thinks I'm the world's biggest for being with other people.

He sees me as nothing more than a liar and a ..

And yet, even with his very dim view of you, you're still good enough to sleep with. Good one. That tells you a lot about him. OP, sorry to say, but this guy is the ultimate jerk and the sooner you get rid of him the better. He shows classic signs of abusive behaviour and you should take heed. He KNOWS it hurts you and he gets a high from hurting you. That alone should tell you something.

 

What should you do? Pack you bags and head for the hills and never, ever, look back. The sooner you dump this (expletive), the better. Remember, YOU have full control here. Don't allow him to treat you this way.

[ParisPaulette]

The problem isn't you. The problem is you gave information about a past that you don't feel good about to someone who is using that to control you and keep you beaten down, so you won't leave him.

 

In short, he's an abusive (expletive) and you need to walk away, safely, and don't look back.

 

The right person, someone who loves you and is sane and good, does not hold one's past against them. Ever. Never let the past define who you are and never let anyone define you by that past either.

 

Dump him and get out of there, fast. He's escalating. He would be abusive to you no matter what you did, were, are now, because he's an abuser. It's not you, really it's not. It is him. Get out of there.

 

P.S. After you dump him I would recommend you stay single for a year or longer, maybe even get into therapy, go out and get your own accomplishments and things you can say that belong only to you, and learn how to be happy within yourself. I see someone who depends way too heavily on men to give her a reason for living and that's just wrong, because it's not up to other people to make you happy or complete you or give you a purpose. That's actually your job and you need to stop being a passenger in your own life and take control of the wheel. This is not to say relationships are bad, but when you think that's the only thing that can make you happy you put yourself in a very bad position of staying with or letting the wrong people into your life, because you don't feel you have anything else.

 

So I'm telling you, that YOU need to get something else. And this guy is not it, and no other guy should be either until you're happy and confident and able to tell anyone holding your past against you to flip off and (unprintable.) We all make poor choices in life, big whoop. Yours haven't killed anyone or started a world war, so I think you're doing totally fine and what he's making a big deal of simply isn't. He's just using it against you to control you and make you stay beaten down, that's not love. Not even close.