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Strict Parents and Dating?


FeatherGirl

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Hey all!

 

I was hoping to get your thoughts and opinions on when it comes to dating and having somewhat strict parents?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two entire years now... and we're both going to be 18 in a few months. Even though he's met my family and even hung out with them many times, my parents STILL aren't comfortable with us being alone at all! So much, that we aren't allowed to go into my basement to watch a movie together! I completely understand that maybe they're just trying to be parents and trying to be protective but I'm starting to feel as if they're going too far. I feel very disrespectfed and not trusted by them when they make uncomfortable comments about me and boyfriend wanting to spend time together just the two of us. Is it bad that I feel upset and sadden by their reaction to my relationship? Is there anything I should be doing differently so it isn't as uncomfortable and strict when my boyfriend comes over?

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Sorry their house their rules and until you are 18 they are responsible for you. You aren't entitled to netflix and chill dates in your basement. Your bf should have more common sense and take you out for dates not push for this in your folks home.

 

They are letting you date, just not allowing a setting for intimacy in their home. You and your bf need to be more respectful of your parents wishes and more imaginative when it comes to dating. Why can't you hang out at his house?

Even though he's met my family and even hung out with them many times, my parents STILL aren't comfortable with us being alone at all! So much, that we aren't allowed to go into my basement to watch a movie together!
They don't want to walk into this:

]

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Isn't it a little irrational and disrespectful that they would instantly assume that something like that we're to happen or that they could walk in on that, when we're just watchinf a movie or hanging out together? Obviously, we aren't going to be doing any sort of intimacy in my parents basement well knowing other people are home?

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Isn't it a little irrational and disrespectful that they would instantly assume that something like that we're to happen or that they could walk in on that? Obviously, we aren't going to be doing any sort of intimacy in my parents basement well knowing other people are home?

 

Have you tried explaining this to your parents? That you are simply going into the basement to watch a movie. You never answered me about your boyfriends parents.

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What are his parents like? Maybe you could go over to his house instead. Are you allowed to go over to his house?

 

His parents are fine with me coming over and us spending time alone. So I definitely could go over to his house instead of coming over to mine, but I get the same deal and concern from my parents. They preferred if I didn't go over unless they knew that someone else would be home at his place.

But that being said, I feel like I should be able to have my boyfriend over to my house as well? And hang out at my place without having uncomfortable and awkward comments and being surpervised constantly by my parents?

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His parents are fine with me coming over and us spending time alone. So I definitely could go over to his house instead of coming over to mine, but I get the same deal and concern from my parents. They preferred if I didn't go over unless they knew that someone else would be home at his place.

But that being said, I feel like I should be able to have my boyfriend over to my house as well? And hang out at my place without having uncomfortable and awkward comments and being surpervised constantly by my parents?

 

At the end of the day, you have been with your boyfriend for 2 years, and maybe it's time to have a talk to them. You could let them know that it's up to you if you are in a sexual relationship and that it's your choice. That you would like to have your boyfriend over to watch a simple movie in the basement. I wouldn't go as far to say "I'm having him over and having sex!" to them, but I would say that you would like your boyfriend over to watch a movie, and all the other stuff (sex) will not be done in their home if he is not allowed to stay the night.

 

If your parents can-not handle an adult conversation, it's quite sad really. Most parents are aware their children are having sex. It still sounds like they would love you to stay their little girl forever.

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Are they helicopter parents in other ways? Is your culture one that frowns upon young people being unchaperoned? To be honest this is simple rebellion. Obviously you could do in a car or motel or wherever whatever you want. They just don't want it under their roof. You can 'feel' and 'should' all you like, but it's their home.

 

You need to learn better negotiation skills than entitlement and 'feel' and 'should'. Learn to be mature and trustworthy, demonstrate that. Do they like your bf?

I get the same deal and concern from my parents. They preferred if I didn't go over unless they knew that someone else would be home at his place. And hang out at my place without having uncomfortable and awkward comments and being surpervised constantly by my parents?
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I would be the same way too if I were a parent of a 17 year old girl. Sorrynotsorry. I used to be a high school teacher, taught Honors and Advance Placement/IA classes, and had students that were knocked up/young mothers before graduation. It doesn't always matter how smart you are, what your grades were, how "mature" you might be, etc. A teenager is still very inexperienced when it comes to relationships and sexual responsibility.

 

Most teenage boys don't just go to a girlfriend's house to watch a movie, thank them for the date and go on their merry way. Get real! They're going to try something (hand hold, kissing, cuddling). And if you guys have dated for 2 years, then it's serious. There's going to be an attempt to go to the "next step" of the relationship.

 

Personally, I would not want that in my own house and I wouldn't feel comfortable about having my minor daughter, who is still in high school and has no job, being in a house alone with her boyfriend.

 

Just wait until you are off to college and have more personal space (like a year or less away). Until then, you live in their house and live under their rules.

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At the end of the day, you have been with your boyfriend for 2 years, and maybe it's time to have a talk to them. You could let them know that it's up to you if you are in a sexual relationship and that it's your choice. That you would like to have your boyfriend over to watch a simple movie in the basement. I wouldn't go as far to say "I'm having him over and having sex!" to them, but I would say that you would like your boyfriend over to watch a movie, and all the other stuff (sex) will not be done in their home if he is not allowed to stay the night.

 

If your parents can-not handle an adult conversation, it's quite sad really. Most parents are aware their children are having sex. It still sounds like they would love you to stay their little girl forever.

 

 

Thank you! I wish I could be open with them about that sort of thing but I know they would never be okay with it or be able to talk to them about those sorts of things without them being mad or upset. I know a lot of my friends are open to their parents and I just wish they were a little more understanding.

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Isn't it a little irrational and disrespectful that they would instantly assume that something like that we're to happen or that they could walk in on that, when we're just watchinf a movie or hanging out together? Obviously, we aren't going to be doing any sort of intimacy in my parents basement well knowing other people are home?

 

I grew up with an opposite environment. I had friends who came from stricter households and we're dating in high school. I was jealous - do you know why? It's an act of respect IMO to want to provide a safe, comfortable home for you to go to every night no matter what happens in your life. They are providing a sanctuary!

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