Divorce plus new relationship ending...

[jackhormes]

So this is tricky...I had been separated for about 3 months from my wife (3rd time we separated) and we were beginning the process of divorce. During this time, I reconnected with someone from years prior that I never really talked to much but had mutual friends. Interestingly enough, this friend was going through a divorce after also have been separated a few times before as well. So we started talking and really just became close friends. After about a month of talking, we started to be attracted to each other and eventually began to date. This whole time we had both filed for divorces and were just waiting for the finalization of the process.

 

Going into this new "relationship", we both wanted to keep things light, and not put any titles or anything on it because we knew we were not in an emotional place to take on a new relationship. Fast forward 4 months, and of course, we didn't heed our own advice, and ended up falling for each other but never officially saying "I love you", but using phrases like "I'm falling in love with you..."

 

Last week, out of the blue, they decided they couldn't be wrapped up in a committed position and needed time to focus on themselves. I totally respect that and get it, but puts me in an awkward place. I fought it at first, claiming we could both continue to become stronger while still having each other and regret saying those things still but in the end, they still opted that "I do like you and my feelings for you are real, it just doesn't matter because I need this time".

 

I felt ok with it, a little upset at myself for getting to this point emotionally in the first place while still fresh into a divorce, but it happened. My confusion lies here:

 

This person continues to follow me on all forms of social media, consistently liking my things I post, and a few times has reached out with small texts in reference to something I've posted (that has no relevance to them) with things like "sorry if you had a bad day" and "I saw your kid was sick, is he ok ... what's the matter ... " etc. Then finally, the other night sends me a text regarding a post I made that was basically a shirtless post (embarassed but I compete in bodybuilding and it was just a throwback photo) but just telling me how great it was. If you are wanting to focus on yourself and be alone, why continue to reach out every other day with small messages? And why continue to view everything I do in the world of social media? I was fine with continuing our relationship, and keeping it more of a friendship as the support during this divorce for both of us has proven helpful. But, if they are wanting to cut things off, why continue with these little gestures? Am I just over analyzing, or is this person just playing games and not ready to give up on what we have BUT also not ready to give into another relationship? Part of me believes that they may be attempting to reconcile with their ex but not 100% sure. Which tbh, I would respect if that were true, just clarify and don't spin some BS otherwise. I can handle the truth and would help me not feel like a wreck from the nonsense being pulled currently. Do I just straight up NC moving forward, and wait to see if they give me some truth? i made the dumb mistake of messaging them late at night last night when I was out with friends celebrating a birthday, and felt like I got some pretty basic responses but still filled with confusion. Asking me "what are you doing? Wheee are you? Sorry. Nevermind. Hope you're having fun I confessed to having them on my mind and they responded with a blushing emoji and "have fun and enjoy yourself" which seems like your typical friend reaposne. But behold today, continues this BS of social media. Anyway, ideas? Help? Recommendations? I know we probably were not in any sort of state to be entering in a relationship, but it still happened and now just need some insight on next steps. Sorry for the novel.

[jackhormes]

And to be clear, we did nkt leave our spouses for each other. We had and have both been going through our divorce prior to even reconnecting. They did not sway my decision one way or the other on moving forward with it. Just wanted to make that clear!

[Clio]

NC sounds like the best option. Not as leverage but as a way to escape confusion. If you don't wish to block her you could limit her visibility so that she cannot view, therefore, like your posts. She is keeping you around for validation/ego stroking purposes/plan b and that's not fair to you. You need to end your participation in this so that you stop overanalyzing and being confused.

[Matt3939]

I'd say that it's hard to say. You both are out of a divorce there are children involved. That's a lot to deal with. She might be confused how she feels and had to step back. She doesn't want to get into anything but doesn't want to loose all contact either maybe.

[HeartGoesOn]

I know we probably were not in any sort of state to be entering in a relationship, but it still happened and now just need some insight on next steps.

 

It looks like the bottom line is, you opened one door before closing the other door, so to speak. You have enough on your plate with a divorce not yet finalized, and the need to get your life back on track before even thinking about another relationship, (imo).

 

It's your call...

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like a better situation for friendship and mutual support than jumping right into anything. It's good to have someone to commiserate with and socialize with during the ups and downs and stress of divorce. However the focus is on exes not each other. Were these same-sex marriages?