Time to let it go?

[Jrod]

Ok so I have posted here before. My ex and I have been seperated for over two years. We were together for 8 years and have two young children together. I cheated and we seperated. I've done therapy on my own and have changed immensely. We maintain regular communication. We have done vacations together and spend all of the holidays, thanksgiving, xmas, bday, etc. the last time I brought up the subject about working things out was back in sept. She started to cry and said she does not know if she wants to works things out. A month later we went in vacation and spent a week at her dads home with her dad. About a month ago I did ask her if she thought about counseling and she responded "I'll go when I'm ready". She told me she was concentrating on the girls. I really love her and have done nothing but be there for her and the kids. We have gotten along very well and have not had any arguments since our separation. Next weekend we are going away for the weekend with the girls. What should I do? Should I ask her one last time? Should I give her more time? Should I just give up and move on? Why would she maintain so much contact with me and even spend all this time as a family?

[Jrod]

Also she is not seeing anyone and neither am I.

[Matt3939]

I'm thinking you hurt her badly. Cheating would have probably been a deal breaker for her. Meaning she would have gone NC. But there are children in play. So she's torn. She will keep the peace the best she can. Though might not be able to move further with you.

[Billie28]

My guess is she's doing it for the kids. Not for you or her.

 

When you say you cheated, you had an affair, one night stand, multiple times, one woman or several?

I think the extent of your cheating would have impact on her ability to trust you again.

 

You have proven you are trustworthy but that doesn't automatically mean she can place her trust in you.

 

Have you ever sincerely apologised? By that, I mean truly explain your reasons for cheating.

Do you teach your kids to say sorry or how to apologise?

 

What was wrong with your relationship that you decided was worth jeopardising for another woman or women? Do those issues still remain?

[Jrod]

I have sincerely apologized. It was one affair. I explained to her that I felt lonely and at one long thought she cheated on my. Which she didn't. I teach my children to apologize. I speak to them and remind them that they must listed to their mom even do I'm not there. But what I don't get is holidays as a family? Staring at her dads? If it's over why do these things?

[Billie28]

How long was the affair and did it continue after you got caught and split?

Why did the affair relationship end?

When did you seek therapy? After you split with your wife or after you split with your affair?

 

She allows you on family holidays because it is the best thing for the kids. Only.

 

You didn't explain what was wrong with your relationship in order for you to seek someone else? I am doubting your apology as you refrain from explaining yourself here anonymously. Your ex would feel the same.

[Wiseman2]

Continue to be the best man best/dad you can. Stop any relationship talk and let her see and experience a dedicated man. Don't plead, convince,etc. Just show up and be superdad superman. Let he take it in, but stop talking about reconciling.

Next weekend we are going away for the weekend with the girls.

[Lostinlove31]

Wow... she is hurting herself. She refuses to get help and she is steaming. I been cheated on by my ex wife but got help.

 

She will continue this path eventually you will have no choice to leave because you can't live like this.

[Jrod]

Yes I think it's time that I leave. Make her see what life without me would be like. I'm always there for her and I don't think she appreciates it. I know it's my fault we got to this point. But I know I'm my heart that I tried. I even told her I would pay for her counseling. And she refuses. Sucks cause we were friends before any of this. I've known this woman for over 21 years. Wish she could see that sometimes traumatic situations can bring out the best in us. If I truly didn't love her I would've walked away the day we seperated.