Is this appropriate?

[Enkeleda]

Hi everyone!

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months. He and his ex broke up about a year ago maybe 11 months.

 

He told me he had really loved her.

 

Well the other day he was looking through his phone to show me a picture of his old kitchen and I see he still has all of his photos with her...I asked him why didn't he delete them he said he didn't feel the need to.

 

Maybe he's not over her and I think him NOT deleting those photos makes it harder for him to be 100% over her.

 

So I asked him to delete them from his phone...he just said okay but hasn't deleted them.

 

I hope it's not something inappropriate to ask. But for me it's weird...him still having photos with her while having new photos with me on the same phone.

 

It makes me wonder if he's over her and it's creepy. Why would he still keep them?

[Naomi99]

Highly inappropriate.

 

You're not his keeper. And just because she's on there doesn't mean he ogles over them every day.

 

How would you feel if someone asked you to delete all your photos of someone who was a part of your history?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to say, this was a chapter in his life. It doesn't mean he's not over her. He should move them to where you won't see them, however you saw them inadvertently. He didn't whip out his phone and say 'so hey here's pics of my ex'

 

You really can't dictate what kind of media people can or can't have in the privacy of their phones. It sounds like you are not sure of the relationship having only dated 4 mos.

Maybe he's not over her and I think him NOT deleting those photos makes it harder for him to be 100% over her.

So I asked him to delete them from his phone...he just said okay but hasn't deleted them.

[itsallgrand]

The thing is whether he does delete them after you asking tells you nothing about how he really feels and won't change if he is over her ( or finished mourning that relationship) or not. So you look a bit insecure and controlling to ask, but gain nothing from it.

 

It's ok to be a little uncomfortable with it. Creepy? I don't think so. A little uncomfortable for you to see a visual reminder of his ex, sure.

 

It's only four months in right?! Do you have any other reason at all to be uncomfortable with where he is at with you? Is the dating going well?

[Enkeleda]

The dating is going okay...it was never 100% stable.

 

Lately we have been having more problems than in the beginning, but we're working through them.

[Pretzel]

This is too much of you to ask; you can't ask someone to delete pictures of their ex. You are allowed to be a little disheartened about seeing the photos, but you don't have the right to tell him to delete them. That's for him to decide. As itsallgrand says above, this is a moot point, and is not an indicator of whether or not he is over her. I have pictures of all my exes, some on my Facebook (albeit not visible to others due to privacy settings), some on my phone, some God knows where, but I am over them and I don't look at them. But I have hundreds of thousands of photos in general. I like to take pictures a lot and I don't like deleting pictures. My current bf had a photo of him and his ex on his wall when we first met and started seeing each other. But he had a tonne of pictures on his wall, i didn't think it was a big deal and respected his choice to want to keep it there for as long as he feels it is appropriate for the circumstances. I didn't tell him what to do with that picture ever, I was more curious about what he would do on his own will. About 2/3 months into us dating, one day i saw the picture had gone. These things take time.

 

I think essentially what I am saying is: don't get bogged down in such trivial matters, it's not worth having a drama over. Focus more on having a good time in your relationship and enjoying your time together and see what develops naturally.

[Enkeleda]

Yes...I think you all are right.

 

When I broke up with my ex boyfriend I was so heart broken, I couldn't look at them and all the memories. Deleting them helped me move on.

 

I even threw away all of the stuff he bought me and stuff that reminded me of the places we had been..

[JaggerJim]

I think he will delete them in his own time. Try not to think about those pictures being on his phone. He will eventually delete them.

[j.man]

I don't think I've ever gone out of my way to delete pictures of an ex. I'm sure there are plenty from years ago on my facebook. Any time I haven't had any on my phone has only been because I'd gotten a new one and just as well couldn't be bothered to transfer them as I couldn't be to delete them before.

 

I'd have to echo Naomi. Highly inappropriate to ask him to delete them. Especially from a woman who's only been with him 4 months. I wouldn't delete photos from a significant chapter of my life for a woman who, in the grand scheme of things, I hardly know.

[J Miracle]

I don't ever take down old pictures of my exes. That was a part of my life, and for me, it makes no sense in spending time trying to erase it. And I wouldn't sensor my media for anybody, that's insecure and out of bounds to ask

[Wiseman2]

You can't control insecurity by controlling people. However that's often what people try to do.

 

This is a red flag if you are only dating 4 mos. That is usually the rainbows and unicorns stage.

The dating is going okay...it was never 100% stable. Lately we have been having more problems than in the beginning, but we're working through them.

]

[Naomi99]

Yes...I think you all are right.

 

When I broke up with my ex boyfriend I was so heart broken, I couldn't look at them and all the memories. Deleting them helped me move on.

 

I even deleted stuff he bought me and stuff that reminded me of the places we had been..

 

 

People deal with breakups in their own ways. You might choose to get rid of everything in regards to your ex in site. Others might not place so much importance on photos and past gifts. Don't assume what works for you works for everybody else.

 

And even if he deletes them on his phone, they're probably on his desktop or FB or some type of USB drive. Are you going to ask him to delete those too? Where does it end?

[Enkeleda]

You can't control insecurity by controlling people. However that's often what people try to do.

 

This is a red flag if you are only dating 4 mos. That is usually the rainbows and unicorns stage.

]

We've known each other for about 6months..but dated for 4

[Enkeleda]

People deal with breakups in their own ways. You might choose to get rid of everything in regards to your ex in site. Others might not place so much importance on photos and past gifts. Don't assume what works for you works for everybody else.

 

And even if he deletes them on his phone, they're probably on his desktop or FB or some type of USB drive. Are you going to ask him to delete those too? Where does it end?

 

He told me he has them only on his phone, not somewhere else...

 

I won't tell him to delete them anymore...I just wanted to ask if it is a sign that he isn't over her...

 

He can delete them on his own time if he wants to..

[Enkeleda]

Thanks eveyone!

[UnchainedSoul]

Glad to see you have understood what everyone is saying. If things continue the way they are and things work out between you, he may delete them on his own. People work through things at their own pace. I have a picture of my ex (who is also still a big part of my life) in a frame over my bed, which I will NEVER move no matter who I am with. My ex is a really good friend and confidant now, and anyone who feels threatened can hit the road. Mind you I am still single, so I guess that says a lot! Ha!

[Enkeleda]

Glad to see you have understood what everyone is saying. If things continue the way they are and things work out between you, he may delete them on his own. People work through things at their own pace. I have a picture of my ex (who is also still a big part of my life) in a frame over my bed, which I will NEVER move no matter who I am with. My ex is a really good friend and confidant now, and anyone who feels threatened can hit the road. Mind you I am still single, so I guess that says a lot! Ha!

 

I don't think I would be cool with my boyfriend framing his ex !!! Never !! Haha

 

I would never be able to cope with that!

 

I get he's special to you, but some things are better kept to yourself...because not everyone always understands and you don't need to lose your chances over someone who will never be with you in a relationship again.

[RainyCoast]

I wouldn't equate pictures in one's phone with a framed portrait. Above their bed.

 

With the phone, often people don't bother moving the pics to an album on their computer, googledrive, flashdrive. Emphasis on the fact the pics are in the phone because you can't be bothered.

 

Takes quite the bother and emotional investment to have a facepic enlarged, printed, framed and hung above one's bed.

 

I won't look at a guys albums to find proof of how much he can't be bothered to clean up his storage. But i won't date one who made his ex a bedroom shrine.

[Enkeleda]

I wouldn't equate pictures in one's phone with a framed portrait. Above their bed.

 

With the phone, often people don't bother moving the pics to an album on their computer, googledrive, flashdrive. Emphasis on the fact the pics are in the phone because you can't be bothered.

 

Takes quite the bother and emotional investment to have a facepic enlarged, printed, framed and hung above one's bed.

 

I won't look at a guys albums to find proof of how much he can't be bothered to clean up his storage. But i won't date one who made his ex a bedroom shrine.

 

Yes I agree..

[j.man]

I have a picture of my ex (who is also still a big part of my life) in a frame over my bed, which I will NEVER move no matter who I am with. My ex is a really good friend and confidant now, and anyone who feels threatened can hit the road. Mind you I am still single, so I guess that says a lot! Ha!

I mean... I'm perfectly fine with keeping momentos and photos... even out in the open. But I'm not so sure about having to see my partner's ex every time I happen to look up while we're doing it missionary.