What is his game?

[lollipop14]

Hi,

 

I met a guy last year through a friend. He was over here temporarily for work There was a connection from the off. We chatted for hours in this bar. We swapped numbers at the end of the night and he told me to contact me if I wanted some 'fun'

 

We chatted constantly every day from that moment on for over two months; texting; calling; face to face; til the early hours of the morning.

We both had things going on in our lives and had both recently been through breakups. For someone who was so closed off; he really opened up to me; even cried to me at times. Our relationship developed; we would talk about him leaving and both get upset at times; granted me more regularly than him, but I was far more open than him so I understood that. He would tell me he wished things were different; that he didn't know how he would feel when the time came and that he was annoyed that he had allowed himself to get into a situation where he had to get over someone and hurt someone.

He would often make comments about when he is gone and i am "with" someone else. I used to hate it. I didn't want to think about it; but he said he just needed to get used to the idea that it would eventually happen, so would bring it up.

 

I told him I had fallen for him one night and sobbed that I didn't want him to go he hugged me and got choked up, He never said he he loved me; but he asked how I thought he felt about me and I said I didn't know. He just stared at me as if to say you do; but he didn't say anything

 

He used to go home every few weeks to visit and invited me with him a few times, but due to my son and work I never got the chance to go.

 

He went home for a visit one day and just never came back. He stopped contacting me daily instantly. I was worried at first as it was unlike him to not message back. Gradually contact became less and less. He kept saying that he was staying for a while and waiting to hear from work to see when they needed him back. This went on for weeks. Eventually I asked him what he expected me to do and he said "I can't expect to keep you to myself when I am not there; it wouldn't be fair", but he wanted to see me when he came back to get his stuff as I was never just 'sex' to him and he didn't want to leave me feeling that way

 

I managed to track him down on the phone one day. I felt crushed after our conversation. He was so cold. He said he had moved on. Said "you know this is how I deal with things; I have to just get on with things"

He said I knew that it would come to an end at some point and that I should have been prepared. But to not even get to say goodbye was heart breaking.

It has really prevented me from moving on

 

A month or two passed of him ignoring my messages. One day he messaged to see how I was; said he had to put some distance between us for a while, as he kept thinking about me and it was hard not to message

He also told me he had got back with his ex girlfriend and that he was "sorry for not giving me a chance"

 

We've stayed in touch; we message every couple of weeks or so.At first we would tell each other we missed each other, how he was proud of how well I was doing, how amazing I was and how I was good to him and for him etc. But he always turns the conversation into something sexual; how much he misses being with me; asks for photos etc

 

After a few times of him messaging me I started to get fed up. I felt like that's all he wanted. I wasn't even getting the nice messages anymore just seemed to be after some fun. I backed off and became slightly distant. He instantly responded by calling me by my pet name he used to call me. He hadn't called me that since the day he left! Mind games??? I don't know but it played on my mind

 

the last few times we have talked he has mentioned the possibility of travelling for work again and maybe coming back here; I didn't react as I felt this was what he wanted; for me to want him to come back

 

I spoke to him last week and he said he was struggling financially and it looked like he was going to have to travel again; but he spoke to a friend of mine the same day and when she asked how work was and if he had any plans to come back he said no he was staying put

 

What is he after? Does he just want me to want him? Does he want me to ask him to come back? Am I just the fall back girl? I don't know what to think. He is hard enough to read at the best of times

 

He spent months telling me how much I was worth and to not let men use and abuse me or think they can tell me what to do; to respect myself

 

Would he really be playing me this badly for this long?

 

I can't seem to move on; I am still head over heels with the guy! Should I tell him? Or am I just setting myself up for being used

[DancingFool]

Not sure what exactly is confusing you here. Asking you to contact him if you want to have some fun = casual hook up.

 

He was also honest with you that he is fresh out of a break up, not over his ex and will be moving soon. So it was all a temporary game and unfortunately for you, you went along with it instead of telling him to get lost.

 

Now he went back home, mostly dropped contact with you and got back with his ex. HE IS NOT SINGLE. All he is doing is contacting you for sex talk, pics, and other cheating scum type garbage. Grooming you to stick around as his hook up cheating buddy. Yuck.

 

Why would you want to date a cheater? Like seriously? Oh because he cried on the phone with you? Well yay to you for being his free therapist, too bad that doesn't make it a healthy relationship for you.

 

Next time a guy in a bar tells you to hit him up if you want to have some fun, tell him to take a long hike to hell.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It sounds like he was clear that it would be a short term fling and that it had an end point when he would return home. It also sounds like he has a wife/gf back there.

 

It would be best to stop contacting him since he is pulling away and giving you ambiguous answers. Delete and block him from all social media and texting, messaging, etc. That is the only way to move on from this intense but time-limited fling. Unfortunately it seems it was more in your mind than his.

He was over here temporarily for work. We swapped numbers at the end of the night and he told me to contact me if I wanted some 'fun'. He went home for a visit one day and just never came back. He said he had moved on. Said "you know this is how I deal with things; I have to just get on with things". He said I knew that it would come to an end at some point and that I should have been prepared.

[Clio]

He didn't play you. He told you of his intentions from day 1. He is a cheater but he has been very clear with you. It's you who refuses to let go. Stop doing this to yourself. Move on!

[lollipop14]

Hi,

 

Thanks. That is exactly what I needed to hear

 

Yeah, it was just fun, for both of us. But developed; he was the one that told me he had feelings for me and didn't know if he could leave. I did not initiate the "feelings" talk

 

I admittedly was in a bad place and relied on him way too much

 

unfortunately we don't always choose who we fall for; think I def need to cut contact