Differences in opinions of gf moving in with me

[Lsc91se]

Hello, and thanks for reading. My girl friend of two years is thinking of moving in. My housing costs are 2.2k a month plus extra for renovations (live in a old building I am restoring). I offered to charge her 500$ a month to allow her to live at my place, which most of would go towards renovating a area she could use for projects and heat for it. She feels it's too much without having her name on the mortgage. She pays 1200 a month now for rent at her place, and 500$ wouldn't get 1 bedroom 500sqft apartment here with heat/electric. Let alone 800 sqft of personal space plus combined 2k shared apartment. I feel I am being more than reasonable, she feels differently. Something about spending that much money towards something that isn't hers seems to be a issue. Well she would have 700$ more a month to her self to do as she pleases with, and 500$ barely pays my property tax bill so I don't feel I am being unreasonable. What do you think?

 

Also: a few years ago I offered for my gf (of 6 years) at the time to move in with me. She did and I only charged her 300$ a month for rent, which she never paid over the 5 months she lived with me (that's a story in itself). She also seemed to have a issue with not being on mortgage. I would never expect someone to split the bills at my place because i bought it myself and have invested over 5,000 of my own hours into renovations, and the overhead is unfair to ask for splitting of bills. Also, I don't think I could co own it with someone due to the time and money investment I have in it. If I could reverse roles and move in with someone for only 500$ a month, have a awesome shared living space and a 800sqft room to myself I wouldn't care if I was on the mortgage or not. Maybe I am not seeing this right?

[Wiseman2]

If you are arguing now, imagine if she moved in. What happened in this last instance? Did living together 5 mos kill that 6 yr relationship? You don't want a repeat of this, right?

a few years ago I offered for my gf (of 6 years) at the time to move in with me. She did and I only charged her 300$ a month for rent, which she never paid over the 5 months she lived with me (that's a story in itself). She also seemed to have a issue with not being on mortgage.

[agent1607307371]

I think you are being more than generous.

[j.man]

Tell her if she feels that $500 is too much, then she's free to keep renting elsewhere for $1200.

 

She didn't put the down payment in. She's not liable for the maintenance. It's not her head should you foreclose. If she wants to take up half the space, she gets to pay for it, and it sounds like $500 is being generous.

 

Understandably, a lot of folks aren't fans of essentially having a landlord-tenant relationship on top of their romantic relationship, but that's a choice she needs to make. If she's not comfortable not being in on the assets, she can wait 'til marriage to move in.

[rosephase]

I would be really off put if I offered a deal like that and got push back. She would be saving money in rent. She isn't currently spending more money on rent which means she's putting money into something that "isn't hers". Her reaction would make me worried that she more interested in getting on our mortgage then being in your life.

[Naomi99]

Anyway I think the only way you can put her name on the mortgage is if you refinance. I could be wrong…

 

She's not too bright. Does she understand that once her name goes on the mortgage, she's is now in debt???

 

If I were her, I would counter-offer and say, "I'll pay you $500 per month, but at the end of one year of living together, depending on the market, you refinance and add my name to mortgage."

 

And then if I were you, I would counter her counter-offer and say, "the $700 you're saving living here with me goes into a saving account. At the end of two years, that will be nearly $17000. Give that to me as downpayment at the end of two years and I'll add your name to the mortgage."

[JaggerJim]

I hope she's not trying to move in for free. How much does she think is fair?

[Wiseman2]

Never ever sign your house over to someone you are dating. Ever. She's renting. End of story. Most of all, just don't move in together if these type of arguments are already happening. Super red flag that this will not go well nor end well.

[notalady]

Tell her to add her name to the mortgage, she would have to contribute the equal amount as you have already put in to the house (eg you might have put in $100k including down payment, she gives you $50k cash), plus pay 50% of the repayment. That would be equitable, if her name on the place is the concern.

 

But to be honest, I wouldn't even bother. It's a big red flag. She seem ungrateful. Saving $700 in rent a month plus getting a nice big space, and she wants her name on the mortgage? Huh?

 

If you want, ask her what she thinks is equitable, is it her getting rent free but go halves on other expenses? Does she just want a free ride?

 

Agree with Wiseman, if you're already having this kind of disagreement, things aren't looking good.

[Andrina]

There is a lot to consider here. I believe you should have a conversation about possibilities for the future, letting her know just what is involved in refinancing a home with a partner or spouse so that their name is on the title. If the partner's credit is poor, the interest rate will be higher than you're now paying. There will be closing costs, which could be several thousand dollars. When you speak to her about future possibilities, and hear what her answers are, you will get even further info about how she views finances and who will pay for what over the long run. If, down the road, you two stayed long term, what would her contribution be if she were on the title?

 

You two are probably at a stalemate. If she says "I'll move in for 300 per month," you will feel like she's an ungrateful parasite. If she pays the $500, in her view, she's paying rent, and too much, and if she moves in and never gets on the title, then she will have paid all those years without owning a property she can build equity in. At what point is the relationship so serious that you will be talking forever and everyone needs to look out for what's best for both parties?

 

What are her good qualities as a partner? Does she make you a priority? Does she treat you on outings as much as you treat her? Does she feel like you make a lot more money than she does, if that's the case, and that you should pay for mostly everything? Does she have a high work ethic? Do you see her as a great lifetime partner? Do you share the same life goals (marriage/no marriage, kids/no kids, pets/no pets, what to spend money on, i.e. travel,entertainment, possessions, saving for retirement)? Do you have similar ethics? Those are all things to look at before you make the big leap at moving in together, and if you can't come up with a consensus, it's best you hold off on that major decision for now.

[notalady]

Also tell her that she's paying her current landlord $1,200, and her landlord might be using it to maintain or renovate the house or meet mortgage repayments or whatever, why is she not concerned about her name being on their mortgage and their house, considering she's paying so much more too.

 

Rent is rent, what the owner does with that money (whether it's do things to the house or saving it or spending it elsewhere) is irrelevant to her. And her being your girlfriend makes no difference.

[yatsue]

Whoaaaah! Red flag alert!!!

 

You are right you're offering her a good deal that's more than fair, but she sounds like a big time gold digger. You do realize that if you put her on the mortgage and things go south between you two, she can legally take a portion of your house and you will be forced to sell the home you paid for while she contributed squat?

 

There was a reason why your ex did not pay the low $300 rent for 5 months and asked to be on the mortgage: she wanted $$$ from you. It seems you have picked yet another woman with the same mindset (moocher). Do right by you and not let someone you're not married to take what you solely paid for. There's no way she's entitled to being on the mortgage because married couples share their assets, meaning they both equally (varies) pay for a house they got together.

 

Tell her the money she pays in rent goes towards her living expenses while she's there. If she doesn't, tell her you don't give free rides to anyone and won't support anyone who wants to be a moocher.

[abitbroken]

Do not put her name on the mortgage.

If you want her to move in, have her take over one of the bills or two that would work out to what you want her to pay.

This way, if you do break up, she has no recourse to say "i paid towards his mortgage".

 

Don't renovate your home for her. She is not your wife. And if/when you break up, you will have this constant reminder of her in your home.

 

Also, what's the rush to move in? 2 years is nothing? Why not continue to date another year or two and decide if she is going to be your wife or not - and if not, cut her loose at that time. I think its way too much of a leap right now. If you need help with expenses, get a male roommate. There are people also looking for something short term as well.

[Lsc91se]

I have read over everything and thanks for all of the advice. I have done a lot of soul searching and thinking about everything. This is what I have thought of.

 

I have no intentions of putting her on the mortgage, I mainly mentioned that because I really didn't understand why she would want that other than to have something she didn't pay for. Recently she has said if she did move in she doesn't want to be "roommates". I don't really understand what she means by that and I have yet to get clarification. I assume she is implying she won't move in unless things are going further in the relationship, maybe "marriage"?

 

Honestly I don't need any money for her living with me if she did move it, but due to bad experiences in the past I feel charging something will help me not feel like someone is taking advantage of the situation. I do feel she is being unreasonable with her comments based on the fact her rent is 2.5 times what I would ask, and all the money she saved would go to her pocket.

 

When it comes down to it at this point she won't be moving in, and I definitely don't want to get married to her, so things are going to be at a standstill for a while I guess. I find myself at these situations in all my past relationships, and they normally don't end up well. Frustrating but at the same time I guess if I wanted it any different I would do something about it

[notalady]

I have read over everything and thanks for all of the advice. I have done a lot of soul searching and thinking about everything. This is what I have thought of.

 

I have no intentions of putting her on the mortgage, I mainly mentioned that because I really didn't understand why she would want that other than to have something she didn't pay for. Recently she has said if she did move in she doesn't want to be "roommates". I don't really understand what she means by that and I have yet to get clarification. I assume she is implying she won't move in unless things are going further in the relationship, maybe "marriage"?

 

Honestly I don't need any money for her living with me if she did move it, but due to bad experiences in the past I feel charging something will help me not feel like someone is taking advantage of the situation. I do feel she is being unreasonable with her comments based on the fact her rent is 2.5 times what I would ask, and all the money she saved would go to her pocket.

 

When it comes down to it at this point she won't be moving in, and I definitely don't want to get married to her, so things are going to be at a standstill for a while I guess. I find myself at these situations in all my past relationships, and they normally don't end up well. Frustrating but at the same time I guess if I wanted it any different I would do something about it

 

Sorry to hear that's where things at but also glad that you are thinking carefully for your own interest.

 

How is she with money and paying for things normally when you are together?

[Batya33]

Sorry to hear that's where things at but also glad that you are thinking carefully for your own interest.

 

How is she with money and paying for things normally when you are together?

 

I think the real issue is you two want different things when it comes to marriage, so I would end the relationship rather than waste time quibbling over rent money.

[nutbrownhare]

If I were moving in with a guy, I'd expect to split the costs 50:50. Period.