What do I do? Hoping to get back together

[Dlover5364]

So I was dating this guy for about 3 months, after one of our dates I asked him "what are we?" And he just said "obviously more than friends" We were beginning to get intimate around two weeks before I asked him this. The next night I sent him a cute pic in shorts, to which he replied nothing. Yet he was on instagram the whole night. When I asked him why he didnt reply to my pic, the next day he gets mad and said that "I kill everything" and said he would call me later. He ignkred me for 2 days of which I was trying to get in clntact with him. I dumped him the second night saying it s over. He texted me 2 weeks later saying "sorry I never gave you the time needed but you got crazy on me". I just replied with ok. I let another 2 weeks go by, and text him saying how I felt taken for granted the whole relationship and he replies saying "It was never like that, I was just going through my own problems that my mind was never really there with you, you re a great girl trust me I know what I lost". I called him so that we could speak in person to try and fix things and he said he would come by that night and he didn't. I texted him that night and he texted me the next morning saying "I will go tonight I will text you". I waited until 9pm and he never came nor texted me so I called him and he said he was too tired from work and that it was raining, mind you, he drives, lives 10 mins away from me and he had gone to his moms house, driving, to eat dinner. His mom lives 15 mins away from me. I was furious and cursed him out and hung up the phone. I felt bad so I apologized 4 days later through text and again tried to reconcile and he said "I'm good". I tried calling him and he would not pick up. I waited two weeks and texted him again apologizing and asking to fix things and he said "I was not affected by anything that you said my love but I don't have the time for a relationship with you or anyone right now but we can be friends" and he went on saying how I picked fights for no reason and that was why the relationship didn't work. I texted him a goodbye saying "all couples argue but they try to fix things. I had the patience for you but you did not have it for me. I wish you luck. Take care" and he didn't reply the whole next day and I changed my # so I would not be tempted to beg for him again. I feel like its all my fault! I feel bad for changing my # because how will I know if he ever decides to contact me again. He knows where I live and is always by my neighborhood. He knows my apartment number and everything. Did I do the right thing? What should I do I feel helpess! Am I over reacting?

[j.man]

All couple argue at one point or another, but not because their partner didn't respond to her sending a picture of her in booty shorts.

 

I can't defend the guy agreeing to meet and blowing you off those couple of times, but it's obvious he has no interest in getting back with you. It's best you forget and move on.

 

However, strictly for your own benefit, it may be worth reflecting on his claim of you starting fights for no reason. If it's the case, you may want to consider working on how to pick your battles a bit better.

[gebaird]

I feel like its all my fault!

 

No, no, no -- the guy's an a-hole. You may not have reacted well to his B.S., but who would? He treated you like crap and you responded accordingly. Find a man who knows how to be in a relationship, and don't waste so much time again on someone with so many emotional issues.

 

You absolutely did the right thing. Don't contact him again so you can focus on healing.

[Matt3939]

It was 3 months with all these problems just let it go.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. He sounds like a jerk. However there's a golden lesson here and that is when you are dating 3 mos, have sex and ask about exclusivity, etc. and you get a snarky, wishy-washy answer like this, then cut your losses and run 5364;6743173] he just said "obviously more than friends"

[Dlover5364]

I don't think you understood the situation correctly. I did not argue with him, I simply asked him why he did not reply to my picture. He said "he forgot" then he then got so upset that I asked him this and said "i kill everything" and ignored me for 2 entire days. That is why I got fed up. Why did he have the right to get so upset over a simple question?

[DancingFool]

omg.....why are you chasing so hard after this loser????? Like seriously......where is the upside here for you?

 

He was an a hole to you in spades. Was nasty to you, ignored you, etc and all over absolutely NOTHING. You were right to dump him over that kind of behavior and had no reason to contact him or talk to him ever again.

 

Please for the love of....stick to your original decision to boot him. You were right back then. I don't get why you are doing so much back peddling on that. The guy is a dbag and not worth anything, certainly not that kind of time and attention from you of all people.

[Dlover5364]

He is 33 I am 21. He spoke to my mother and my mother let him know I was sometimes emotional because I was abandoned by my father at the age of 14. He was always arojnd my neighborhood and he was trying to get my # for about a year before I even decided to speak to him. I even gave him a month after us breaking up before asking to speak again and he used the rain as an excuse? Is it really my fault for getting upset? I am so stuck on him because he would call me everyday for about 20 mins and we agreed to be exclusive to each other. He said he really liked me because I was a good girl, went to school, etc. And he wanted a relationship. I even met his mom. He never pressured me into sex

[DancingFool]

Trying to stick around a dbag who is treating you like garbage is not going to help you with your emotional problems or whatever daddy issues your mother says that you have. Do you even have them or is it just your mother planting that idea in your brain because of her own personal issues? Either way, you don't want to be stuck on that for life and make poor dating decisions as a result. Please get some counseling so you don't mistake calling you for 20 minutes every day as some kind of amazing.....

 

The whole you are a good girl, etc.....sorry but that's just creepy and patronizing garbage. If a guy said that to me, it would honestly make my skin crawl.

 

Like I said, dumping him was the correct decision, now stick to it and please stop all contact with this d bag. Block him if you need to so you don't keep responding and getting yourself jerked around.

 

Also, if you are in school, look into on campus free counseling for yourself. Sometimes talking to someone can open your eyes to things and do you a world of good. You have the right instincts, but then seems like you don't trust them and you need to learn to trust them.

[Dlover5364]

I just feel like I shouldn't have dumped him because he ignored me for those days and maybe I should have calmly spoken things out with him and seen his response. Aren't most girls emotional anyway? And my mother told him I was young and inexperienced. I just feel like I pushed him away with my insecurities and if I would not always ask questions things would have been different. He never pressured me about sexual stuff and I even met his mother which made me think we were on our way to a serious relationship. I am just so confused and feel like he got tired of how I was. When I texted him a month after the fight and he said "my mind was never there for you. I was going through my own problems, you are a great girl I know what I lost" doesnt that sound as if he was breaking up with me? Why would he say that and then try to switch it on me later saying I was always over reacting to things?

[Wiseman2]

It's amazing that your mother hasn't warned you not to date a guy who plays you like this. Why would she trash you to this guy? He sounds like the neighborhood creep who preys on less experienced, naive, fragile girls.

 

Read up online about what healthy vs unhealthy relationships are. Learn from other trusted adults and reliable sources what that is. Your mother telling this creep "you're emotionally damaged" is bizarre.

 

Also read up on "red flags for abusive relationships". You need an education in life and relationships that your twisted, damaged mother never gave you. Consider going away to school or getting a place with some people your age.

He is 33 I am 21. He spoke to my mother and my mother let him know I was sometimes emotional. He was always arojnd my neighborhood and he was trying to get my # for about a year before I even decided to speak to him.

[MissCanuck]

OP, I am 35. There is noway in fresh heck I would date this guy; for 33, he's way too immature. I know you are quite a lot younger than him, but I can assure you that the way he conducted himself is unbecoming of a guy in his thirties - and there is probably a reason he's going after younger and therefore less experienced girls.

 

A guy who likes you and genuinely wants to be with you doesn't ignore you.

 

He just wasn't into you the way you'd hoped. And the way he spoke to you indicates he doesn't have much respect for you either. Forget about him.

[Dlover5364]

So why would he call me everyday, take me to meet his mom, etc. It doesn't add up. This is why I feel like he did want something serious but I scared him away

[Tanzi]

How can you get back with someone you weren't really in a relationship with in the first place?

 

There's nothing here. There never was. Let it go.

[Annia]

Agree. He sounds like a jerk. However there's a golden lesson here and that is when you are dating 3 mos, have sex and ask about exclusivity, etc. and you get a snarky, wishy-washy answer like this, then cut your losses and run

 

Exactly. His answer doesn't reveal commitment or the existence of a relationship. That's what caught my attention at first. He never really answer you that he wanted a relationship.

 

Besides he's obviously not interested in a relationship with you. I know this is harsh but his actions don't show interest or that he cares the least for whatever reason. I think you kind of overreacted a bit and were acting kind of clingy, even though he was pushing you away. I think that he's rude and inconsiderate for telling you he'd meet you and blowing you off and not even having the decency to tell you something. I think you did well in stopping chasing him. He wasn't interested or doing any effort, so keep your dignity intact and go NC.

 

The bottom line is not only is he not interested but his actions show that he's not relationship material. Cut your losses.

 

Next time don't assume you're in a relationship without having a real conversation to define the relationship and pay attention to their words and actions. Also don't go overboard if they take a while to answer your texts. This guy seems douchey so you dodged a bullet, but in the next relationship it's definitely wise to pick your battles like jman said.

 

Good luck.

[Annia]

He is 33 I am 21. He spoke to my mother and my mother let him know I was sometimes emotional because I was abandoned by my father at the age of 14. He was always arojnd my neighborhood and he was trying to get my # for about a year before I even decided to speak to him. I even gave him a month after us breaking up before asking to speak again and he used the rain as an excuse? Is it really my fault for getting upset? I am so stuck on him because he would call me everyday for about 20 mins and we agreed to be exclusive to each other. He said he really liked me because I was a good girl, went to school, etc. And he wanted a relationship. I even met his mom. He never pressured me into sex

 

Oh my god... that guy is a creep and a douche... please, run away for your own good!

 

So why would he call me everyday, take me to meet his mom, etc. It doesn't add up. This is why I feel like he did want something serious but I scared him away

 

Because he was preying on you. People who are too intense in the beginning, even to the point of creepiness and then lose interest when they already had what they wanted are not relationship material. Anyway... take this lesson that it is a red flag for a guy to pursue you so much and be so intense in the beginning. That's not how healthy relationships usually start and work. Follow wiseman advice and use this experience to have more boundaries and catch the redflags early on.

 

And no, he would not have acted any different nor he would have treated you better if you had not done what you did. It's an illusion to think that what you did had any effect on his 'skumbaginess'. He would've been the same idiot no matter how you acted. Believe me.

[abitbroken]

He is 33 I am 21. He spoke to my mother and my mother let him know I was sometimes emotional because I was abandoned by my father at the age of 14. He was always arojnd my neighborhood and he was trying to get my # for about a year before I even decided to speak to him. I even gave him a month after us breaking up before asking to speak again and he used the rain as an excuse? Is it really my fault for getting upset? I am so stuck on him because he would call me everyday for about 20 mins and we agreed to be exclusive to each other. He said he really liked me because I was a good girl, went to school, etc. And he wanted a relationship. I even met his mom. He never pressured me into sex

 

If you want to be in a relationship, don't bring your mommy into the relationship with you. I would have run fast and hard away if I was dating a guy and his mother or father dialed me up and talked to me about his abandonment issues and how he gets so emotional. I would ditch him quickly if I just started dating him because it shows me he is a little boy who needs mommy to handle his problems or that she is overprotective and I would never have a one on one relatioship.

 

If you have daddy issues, then you need to go to counseling - you need to stay away from older guys and you need to not freak out when someone doesn't comment on a photo immediately.

 

Honestly, I would put him out of your mind, get yourself squared away and only date guys that are close to your own age - 19-22ish. Men who are in their 30s that chase young girls are immature themselves

[abitbroken]

It's amazing that your mother hasn't warned you not to date a guy who plays you like this. Why would she trash you to this guy? He sounds like the neighborhood creep who preys on less experienced, naive, fragile girls.

 

 

Mom didn't help, though. She basically let him know that her daughter is fragile and so if he is looking for a vulnerable little girl instead of a strong woman, that here's his chance. Mom needs to protect her daughter or just let her daughter make her own mistakes, but not to portray her as a fragile doll.

[Tanzi]

It's amazing that your mother hasn't warned you not to date a guy who plays you like this. Why would she trash you to this guy? He sounds like the neighborhood creep who preys on less experienced, naive, fragile girls.

 

Mom didn't help, though. She basically let him know that her daughter is fragile and so if he is looking for a vulnerable little girl instead of a strong woman, that here's his chance. Mom needs to protect her daughter or just let her daughter make her own mistakes, but not to portray her as a fragile doll.

 

Agree. I don't really understand why her mum said what she did. Apart from making the OP sound emotionally damaged, hearing it being said in such a way is enough to damage anyone if they weren't before. I know from my own experiences that it is hard to put a positive spin on a parent leaving but I feel it's best to not make it a thing, period. Why give someone that burden to carry?

[Dlover5364]

Agree. I don't really understand why her mum said what she did. Apart from making the OP sound emotionally damaged, hearing it being said in such a way is enough to damage anyone if they weren't before. I know from my own experiences that it is hard to put a positive spin on a parent leaving but I feel it's best to not make it a thing, period. Why give someone that burden to carry?

 

So are you saying it's my mom fault for clearing things up before hand? She did not say I was emotionally damaged, she just said I am a good girl who has gone through some tough times but I have a good heart. He said "i know I am very interested in your daughter". I felt that he was too, but then he would act like this when I would ask him a question. He said I was overly emotional but how is that being overly emotional? And I thought he respected me because he never rushed me to do sexual things and said he wanted to take things slow. Why would he get so mad over this and not want to fix the situation? What guy calls a girl everyday if he is not interested in her and takes her to meet his mother? Was he just wasting my time or playing with me?

[Tanzi]

So are you saying it's my mom fault for clearing things up before hand? She did not say I was emotionally damaged, she just said I am a good girl who has gone through some tough times but I have a good heart.

 

No I don't. To be honest, I don't think it made any difference. I'm just speaking from a mum's POV. I just don't really see the point in getting involved in that way in my girls' relationships, especially in short term relationships. I also don't like to mention their past (ie, their dad leaving) as a negative thing as I don't want them to grow up with the fact that their dad left as an emotional burden. Like I said, it's hard to put a positive spin on it but I don't like to relate it to all the crappy stuff that happens in their lives.

 

He said "i know I am very interested in your daughter". I felt that he was too, but then he would act like this when I would ask him a question. He said I was overly emotional but how is that being overly emotional?

 

I doubt he was talking about an isolated incident. He was probably talking generally as he said it a few times.

 

What guy calls a girl everyday if he is not interested in her and takes her to meet his mother? Was he just wasting my time or playing with me?

 

He was blowing hot and cold so whilst he may have liked the idea of being in a relationship with you, it could be that he couldn't cope with the the reality of it .... and that could be as much to do with him as it is you.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, I think so.

Was he just wasting my time or playing with me?

[Dlover5364]

Ok and what could be the reality? I just responded to his actions. It wasn't such a big deal to break up that's why I wanted to speak things out with him. Why would he say "i thought I wanted a relationship, but then I realized I didn't" so why was he ok with us being intinate if this is how he felt? Why did he say his mind was never there? These things make no sense

[Wiseman2]

Learn now that some guys say this after they get sex. Or when they just want to move on. Google "signs of a player".

Why would he say "i thought I wanted a relationship, but then I realized I didn't" so why was he ok with us being intinate if this is how he felt?

[Dlover5364]

Ok move on from what? I basically just cursed at him and said its over then I tried to fix things a few weeks later. Do you think he was using me or I caused him to act like this