Why is he doing this?

[alexa101]

So my ex bf broke up with me last month, it was very unexpected. The weekend before we were together and he said he would hate to ever lose me, I'll love you forever, etc. The next week he broke up with me. Before he did we had an argument, we only argued about one thing and it was communication. I'd say once every few weeks during the final few months of our relationship. He said he couldn't take it anymore and he needed to focus on his family (he had family issues and so did I) and we needed to find ourselves. He said there's a chance he will come back, and that he won't know if he will for a while. I don't think I will take him back to be honest, but I just want to know what could possibly be going through his mind, and what might go through his mind in the future.

[Wiseman2]

How long were you dating? What kind of family issues is he having? How old is he? What were the communication issues, did you want him to text more? After a few mos. of dating some incompatibilities can come out.

 

It's over for good. He's just softening it with "maybe someday". What's going through his mind was "I don't need all this flack, etc, on top of the other stress I have".

So my ex bf broke up with me last month.Before he did we had an argument, we only argued about one thing and it was communication. He said he couldn't take it anymore and he needed to focus on his family and we needed to find ourselves.

[alexa101]

We were dating for over a year. I wanted him to talk to me more when we weren't together. He wasn't the texting type but I didn't try to push him too much. He's 23, and his brother left his life for unknown reasons and he has been struggling to talk to him, and his grandpa is struggling with money and could possibly go homeless. I have doubts one problem can make someone so stressed and leave from that single problem, just me though. I don't want to take him back because if one problem will cause him to leave his partners, he will leave again once one arises. His future relationships will fail also if he keeps that mentality.

[j.man]

He doesn't intend to come back. He was just throwing you a softball while dumping you.

 

Also, it's not that a single problem drove him away. Taking his words at face value, he left because he has his own stressors and the relationship didn't serve as a positive influence against them. He decided to trim the fat.

 

Sounds like it's best for you both. You can find a guy who's more into texting.

[Wiseman2]

Sometimes it's bunch of little and not so little things that add up but they mention the major one to end it.

I have doubts one problem can make someone so stressed and leave from that single problem,

[DancingFool]

I like your attitude about not taking him back. You absolutely shouldn't.

 

Other than that, I think it was just one of those where he really wasn't that into the relationship, things came up and he dropped what he could drop quickly. In other words, in his mind the relationship was dragging him down rather than benefiting him for whatever reason or reasons.

 

If you look back, you'll probably realize that the writing has been on the wall for some time. Hashing out communication early on in the relationship, when you are both still sorting out who needs what and how much is one thing. When you've been together a year and need to argue about it......it's more like the tip of the iceberg thing.

 

Either way, I'd treat his words as just softening the blow and hey, now you are free to find someone who is more compatible and more attentive to you. That's actually a good thing.

[jah123]

A few things are making me conclude that there might be another girl in this.

 

1.

it was very unexpected.

Well. What can you do, most of the break-ups aren't expected.

2.

The weekend before we were together and he said he would hate to ever lose me, I'll love you forever, etc. The next week he broke up with me.

This happens almost everytime. It happened to me in every relationship in which I was dumped. I'm not making up any conspiracy theories here, but each time I was dumped, a week before the break-up the girl would tell me how much she loved me and how she couldn't imagine her life without me and a week later boom! Break-up.

It's soft of weird. And I haven't figured out yet why this always takes place. But I suspect that maybe it's because of emotional roller-coaster. Once the dumper thinks that

he wants to end it and other times his brain tells him that he can't ever break-up. Funny, but true.

3.

Before he did we had an argument, we only argued about one thing

Don't worry. This "argument" was only a trigger for him.

He used it as an excuse for a break-up. The reason for the break-up is probably not even close to this.

4.

He said he couldn't take it anymore and he needed to focus on his family (he had family issues and so did I) and we needed to find ourselves.

Bullsh*t. I mean okay - if he has family issues then I'm really sorry, but this is just an excuse. There's no such a thing as "I need to figure myself out" God..It's just a nicer way to say "I don't want this relationship anymore". So it's also a stupid justification which every dumper uses..

5.

He said there's a chance he will come back, and that he won't know if he will for a while.

That's why I'm thinking that there might be another girl in this. You see, there are two posibilities: First one is that he really meant that(the family issues and when he "figures himself out he will come back) which I highly doubt. Every dumper uses this excuse (figuring himself out, etc) so I wouldn't believe it.

Second possibility is that there's another girl and he broke up with you in hurry so he could see another girl but he's still keeping you on the HOOK, because by saying

"Maybe I'll come back" he might be actually saying: "Umm, listen, I'm going to start a new life now, (maybe with another girl) but if it s*cks then I might come back to you,

so better don't look around for other men etc". You see? You're on the hook, girl! Don't let anybody mess with you this way. So this is your answer. This is what's going on in his mind.

 

I don't think I will take him back to be honest

Good decision. Let him be responsible for his choices. If you let him come back to you you'll just show him that you're crazy about him and just weak.

But it's obviously your decision and this is only my opinion.