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Hello all,

I'm hoping for a place to share and maybe get some guidance and clarity on how I'm feeling and next steps:

 

Currently, I'm dating a man who is wonderful in every way, however we are in an LDR and have been for the last 9 months. Before this, we lived close and worked together. Although we've broken up before (twice actually..) we are often pulled together for reasons that include proximity, but also a mutual love for the other and we support each other, make memories together, travel, etc

 

We have had issues with sex before, mainly losing the spark. We were close and strictly platonic friends for the first year we knew each other and then morphed into this couple.. and it worked.. and then didn't and we decided a few weeks before he moved away, to make it work again. The distance has been okay, I've been looking forward to being together again although I've had doubts based on the things we had issues with before, I was optimistic. He has plans to move internationally to be with me in the next 2 months. --deep breath --

 

2 weekends ago I attended a networking group for women in the community and through a distant friend who was also there, I met a someone. We hit it off right away and spent the meeting talking, we had lunch after together and then drinks. I went to her apartment and we shared a kiss. It was electric for me on many levels as I've never kissed a woman, I felt guilty about it but on the other hand it selfishly lit a spark inside of me that I didn't even know existed.

 

If you're not judging me harshly by now keep reading:

 

In the past 2 weeks I've seen her a few more times, to say Im enamoured by this person is an understatement. I feel like sunshine has hit my skin for the first time in a long time, or maybe ever. It feels so nice. If I were to write down specific traits: emotional, spiritual, physical of someone she hits them all. I realise I am just getting to know her and the beginning of something is always the best part, but now I feel like I can't go back, like turning around isn't an option. I'm so happy to have met her but I'm so devastated at the impending loss of something I really do hold so dear to me. Please understand, that my actions don't sum up the true feelings for this person in my heart and soul.

 

I know I need to tell him, regardless of what happens with me and this new person. But how? Do I tell him I think I might be bisexual or a lesbian? I'm not even sure if those are labels I'm ready for. Do I say my doubts have become demons to me and I wrongly opened myself up and allowed someone else in? Do I tell him I love him but I have to figure this all out?

 

Everything is just so intense right now, I appreciate any comments, but please be kind..

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I think all you need to simply say is, you met someone and although you're not sure where it's going,you want to explore it. Let him down gently and be fair to him. You can't have both of them and it sounds as though this woman is making you far more happy.

Whatever happens with this woman, you need to let this man go now, it's only fair. You can offer to stay friends, but truthfully, that's probably just going to be painful for him and prolong the break up.

Just be gentle and kind and let him know that although you didn't plan for this to happen, it's happened and you and he aren't going to work out.

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Stop cheating and tell your bf its done. How would you like someone to do this to you?

 

Leave the gf bit out. Just tell him it is not working.

 

 

 

And NO, do not be a jerk and string him along. How selfish! End it!

Edited by Hollyj
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Sherry said it in a nicer way I would have. Just let him know you've met someone else and that you're sorry that things didn't work out between the two of you. Apart from that, the rest isn't any of his business and you don't need to provide him with any of the details. It is your life and you are an adult that is making decisions in your own best interest. You do not owe him any sort of detailed explanation aside from informing him that whatever is between the two of you is not going to work out. Best of luck to you and wishing you all the best.

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LDRs are very difficult . It sounds like this one has run it's course. there were too many breakups, attraction issues etc.

 

You need to explore your newly found sexuality/attraction to this person on your own. Don't string this guy along.

 

It's simple. Kindly end it saying the distance and for whatever other factors, it's not working for you. You don't have to tell him you met someone or your sexual explorations. Just be ethical and end it.

we are in an LDR and we've broken up before. We have had issues with sex before, mainly losing the spark.In the past 2 weeks I've seen her a few more times, to say Im enamoured by this person is an understatement.
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I wouldn't bring up the other woman, but you do need to end it with him. I think you already know that, and you feel guilty. It's ok to feel bad and to be sad you're losing someone that you do "hold dear". Breaking up with someone can be hard sometimes.

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Please please tell him no before he moves or does anything more concrete toward that. It's just not right of you to be unhappy with the situation and keep quiet about it.

 

You may have made great platonic friends, but it sounds like it really needed to stay that way. The whole relationship deal is just not working out. You have got to be honest with him and let him know it's not working out for you like today.

 

Agree with everyone else, no need to mention that you've met someone, etc. Your relationship with him has already been up and down enough that you don't need any additional reasons or excuses. Frankly, if your relationship with him was great, there would be nobody else stepping in. You wouldn't be open to that or interested in that.

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