boredintp Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Im 32 male, never had a relationship. I've dated off and on but it's never really amounted to much beyond sex. Frankly, I'm tired of dating and don't even see the point, but I don't want to be alone either. Any advice? Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Maybe give a bit more background. Since you say you have had relations with woman. I take it you are asking about long term? Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 What do people even mean when they say they've been in a relationship? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 An exclusive and comitted agreement to be together? It can be short or long. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Im 32 male, never had a relationship. I've dated off and on but it's never really amounted to much beyond sex. Frankly, I'm tired of dating and don't even see the point, but I don't want to be alone either. Any advice? Sounds like you just haven't met someone you want to date long term. You have had relationships. The problem may be - if you are having lots of sex and it never leads to a meaningful relationship - is that you are looking for, finding and dating the wrong women. You are also putting the cart before the horse Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 They didn't seem like relationships to me. Just flings. What does it mean to date the "wrong" women? Who are the wrong ones and the right ones? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 What is your list of criteria for a good relationship? Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 Finding someone who gives a damn about me would be nice. Having repeated interactions with a woman I dont have to worry is sleeping with someone else. I dont understand how people enter into relationships that last a month or longer. What does that entail? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Respect, compassion, compromise, common life goals, common beliefs etc etc Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Maybe try something different. Find someone you can talk to. That shares your interests and don't sleep with them for a month. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 I wouldn't sleep with someone before you have ascertained they are relationship material and they care about you. So often people jump into the Hackensack and wonder why they are not treated properly. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Unfortunately dating is a necessary evil if you want a relationship, there are really no short cuts to find love. You have to build things up like feeling a connection, etc. What you do is date a while and Before having sex, have a talk about dating exclusively. Have fun going on dates, do stuff, don't just hangout/hookup. Having random hookups can be the headache you are describing 6742933] Having repeated interactions with a woman I dont have to worry is sleeping with someone else. Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 Are you serious? Or was that a joke. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Are you serious? Or was that a joke. I think you could be the reason you are not finding a relationship. Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 I don't really have any life goals, and my interests are not really shared by most people. I have an interest in philosophy and creative writing, although I do like to travel. How is any of that supposed to help me find someone? I should mention I'm almost entirely friendless. Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 I'm sorry Seraphim. I appreciate any advice people are offering here and didn't mean to snub it. It just seems odd to me to go on more than two dates with a girl and not make a move towards sex. It's hard for me to believe that people seriously date platonically. I did date platonically once, but only at the girl's request. But we eventually had sex, and now she's in the past. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Two dates without sex isn't platonic. It's *dating* You need to figure out what you offer and what attributes you want in a partner. Then go 3-6 dates without sex. Go for more like 6 unless she makes a move. But try and get to know her first. Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 Wiseman, I think it's getting harder for me to feel a connection with anyone. Maybe I'm just getting older or more jaded with dating. Frankly, I don't know that I've ever really felt a "connection" with anyone. I'm not sure what that means. Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 3 I could do. But 6? That would take some kind of acknowledged agreement, or else how would I know that it's going anywhere? Especially since dating is such a hassle and fraught with so many annoying concerns, like if I should pay for the tab, how stupid do i look dancing, is she interested in the things I have to say, am i bragging. I'm not even sure what the end game is for long-term dating. I'm not looking to get married. But at what point is it recognized that we're in a relationship? Do most guys pay for the tab? Dating is so expensive. Who has the time, money and energy to continuously repeat the same charade especially if sex is postponed for much later? Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Wow. This is exactly why you haven't had a relationship. Yes, 6 dates. If you make it past the 3rd date, there's a presumption that there's some attraction. At some point, I personally believe the bill should be split. That's usually the 3rd date for me - I pay, and then we go halfsies or take turns. But yes. You jump in to sex too early and that's why you haven't had a relationship. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 My husband and I got to sex 6 months later. We wanted to get to know each other first and trust each other. We were in a relationship long before the sex but trusting each other before that element was added was very important. We are still together a few decades later. It is a system that worked for us. Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 I guess I just dont trust anyone. Link to comment
boredintp Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 Am I daft for not realizing that having sex with a woman means that I have had some kind of "relationship"? Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 It is not a relationship. So you're daft if you try and say it is. Link to comment
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