Lovelorn22 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I desperately need to go NO CONTACT with my ex and drop him completely out of my life but God is it hard. I can happily say that I've gone a full day without saying a word to him. How sad is that? It's only been a day and I'm struggling. I think it's pretty obvious that this isn't the first time I've tried no contact with him. We were quite off-and-on for the past 4ish months we've known one another. See, it hasn't even been that long and I'm completely hung up over him. I know he's probably out banging some chick right now as I type yet the thought of another guy touching me makes me sick. I sincerely wish I could just hook up with some random to get over him but I've no desire to be with anyone but him. I feel like it would help so much if I had someone to talk to about this but... we were each other's only friends. And I don't want to go into details but he's the reason I lost the few "friends"(basically acquaintances) I did have...So letting him go would make me feel like the biggest loner and fool ever. This may be the main reason I still want to contact him. I know I can do way better than him. Without going to much into detail... he's a very screwed up person mentally and emotionally. He suffered a lot of hurt and abuse growing up and got into a lot of immoral shenanigans as a result. His last girlfriend broke his heart in an awful awful way which he said "made him not respect women and unable to feel love ever again". I guess I wanted to "save" him. I never thought I'd fall into that stupid trap but here I am. As you can imagine, I was treated like crap. He used me for company (everyone else was smart enough to stay away) and sex. He loved that I was willing (aka stupid enough) to spend time with him and listen to him and be a friend to him when no one else would. He's a very attractive guy and never had a problem getting sex, but it always stopped there. Girls would realize how damaged he was and rightfully bolt after their escapade. Not me. He loved having someone to call "his girlfriend" but that was all I was. He admitted to never feeling love for me (he lied about loving me for months until finally coming clean recently which is why I'm going NC right now). I'm just so hurt and I can't deal. I hate so so much that throughout this "mess" we called a relationship, I fell in love with him. We started out as FWBs and after he realized I wouldn't leave him like everyone else, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I'd developed feelings for him before I ever even slept with him so of course I agreed to this naively thinking he had feelings for me. I should've known this wasn't true when, whenever we were "off" (I broke up with him 3 times after being sick of his crap) the first thing he'd do was bang other chicks. Yes we weren't together but to go and hook up THAT soon? I don't want to keep talking to someone who doesn't and most likely never will love me. Who used me and used me when I was the only one who was there for him. But he was the only person I had. he was the only person I opened up to and I feel like he became a part of me whether I wanted him to or not. I have no one else and he's a big reason for that. How can I keep being NC with him when he's all I have and I love him? Please help. Link to comment
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