Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Hi all! I have been in a relationship with a guy for about 4months...things are pretty good except for one thing. At the beggining when I first met him he told he was enrolled/accepted in a college (biology) but one of my friends told me he was just a voulnteer there and was not accepted, when I talked to him about it he told me that is a lie and that in fact he was going to that college. Well now I just found out it was a lie. And he just today got actually accepted in that college and he lied to me all along. My friend just sent me the list with the names of the people enrolled/accepted. I don't care that he wasn't enrolled before I just don't understand why he lied. Maybe he thought I would think he was a loser and wouldn't date him if he told me he was just doing voluntary work there. I don't care that he lied since it wasn't about some other girl; but I just don't get it why he lied and stuck with it even though I confronted him many times about it. I'm just upset because I'm scared that he lied or might lie in the future to me about other things also. I don't know what to do, or how to confront him about it. It's not something to break up over... I can just let it all go, but I don't want him to think he can lie to me and get away with it..because he might lie again for other things.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Being accepted and enrolled are two completely separate things. It's quite possible he was accepted while volunteering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 In my country it is the same thing. It basically means going to that college. Being accepted to go study in it. I know for a fact he lied because I have the facts to prove it. Maybe he was accepted while voulenteering but why would his name say that just today he got accepted. I can just let it all go, but I don't want him to think he can lie to me and get away with it..because he might lie again for other things.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 You've already confronted him. 4 mos of dating is not long and if you think he fibs a lot to impress you or whatever you may be better off walking away. I confronted him many times about it. I don't know how to confront him about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 You've already confronted him. 4 mos of dating is not long and if you think he fibs a lot to impress you or whatever you may be better off walking away. Yes but every time I confronted him he made me believe him and I confronted him without facts...now I have the facts.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Snyder Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Hmmmm.... maybe he was just confident he was going to go? Successful people sometimes think like this. Keep your eyes open, but maybe cut him some slack on this one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 And showing him this "evidence" from your friend will improve your relationship...how? Have you considered that 'volunteering' and 'about to enroll', etc may be splitting hairs? Maybe his application was submitted and he wasn't on the roster yet? Why is his attendance at this place so important that you need evidence and a bench trial to prove " he lied"? It's not like he told you he's the dean at Oxford university and he's really a pizza delivery boy, is it? Have there been trust issues in past relationships or people lying in dating profiles that make you this hyper-vigilant? If you think he stretches the truth too much, break up.Yes but every time I confronted him he made me believe him and I confronted him without facts...now I have the facts.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Snyder Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 And showing him this "evidence" from your friend will improve your relationship...how? Have you considered that 'volunteering' and 'about to enroll', etc may be splitting hairs? Maybe his application was submitted and he wasn't on the roster yet? Why is his attendance at this place so important that you need evidence and a bench trial to prove he lied? It's not like he told you he's the dean at Oxford university and he's really a pizza delivery boy, is it? Have there been trust issues in past relationships or people lying in dating profiles that make you this hyper-vigilant? - I agree with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 And showing him this "evidence" from your friend will improve your relationship...how? Have you considered that 'volunteering' and 'about to enroll', etc may be splitting hairs? Maybe his application was submitted and he wasn't on the roster yet? Why is his attendance at this place so important that you need evidence and a bench trial to prove " he lied"? It's not like he told you he's the dean at Oxford university and he's really a pizza delivery boy, is it? Have there been trust issues in past relationships or people lying in dating profiles that make you this hyper-vigilant? If you think he stretches the truth too much, break up. I would date him even if he wasn't accepted, I don't care about that... What I care about is him lying to me for so long. What else could he be lying about? Or will lie about? I don't want him to think he can lie to me and get away with it..because he might lie again for other things..(like cheating ect...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Sorry, after dating only 4 mos...this isn't going to end well. No amount of grilling and humiliating and confronting him will tell you if he will lie or cheat in the future. Have you been cheated on or dated some liars in the past? You sound rather wounded.I don't want him to think he can lie to me and get away with it..because he might lie again for other things..(like cheating ect...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 Hmmmm.... maybe he was just confident he was going to go? Successful people sometimes think like this. Keep your eyes open, but maybe cut him some slack on this one? I agree with you, he knew he would eventually get in. It just bothers me because even the vulenteer story might be a lie. He can say I made her believe me even after she saw my name in the unaccepted list before. I had seen his name in an unaccepted list and had asked him why is his name in that list if he was accepted. And he told me some story about him getting mixed up as a vulenteer and for me to believe him. He can say she had the facts staring her in the face and she still believed me, I can get away with anything with her!! I just don't want him to see me as a fool and actually think he can lie to me again. For me it is a big thing since everyday we saw each other he would tell me o i just got back from college it was tiering and bla bla bla, this means he lied over and over again every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Oh my goodness. Just find another guy. If you even care to investigate something so trivial, much less feel the need to confront him repeatedly over it, I can't imagine how much of a headache you're going to be another few months from now. You don't trust him. You never will. Save both of you the headache and let him go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 Sorry, after dating only 4 mos...this isn't going to end well. No amount of grilling and humiliating and confronting him will tell you if he will lie or cheat in the future. Have you been cheated on or dated some liars in the past? You sound rather wounded. I have dated a liar in the past.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Without trust, there is no relationship. End it. even the vulenteer story might be a lie. I just don't want him to see me as a fool and actually think he can lie to me again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Snyder Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I had seen his name in an unaccepted list and had asked him why is his name in that list if he was accepted. And he told me some story about him getting mixed up as a vulenteer and for me to believe him. - The more you say about it, the more I see it your way. Perhaps he does lack integrity. I will say, for a person to be a good catch, they have to have integrity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 Oh my goodness. Just find another guy. If you even care to investigate something so trivial, much less feel the need to confront him repeatedly over it, I can't imagine how much of a headache you're going to be another few months from now. You don't trust him. You never will. Save both of you the headache and let him go. Without trust, there is no relationship. End it. I trusted him alot in the beginning. Since I understand why he did it, I will let it go. And it's not that I won't be able to trust him again...but it will take time. I'm not going to end it over this. I wanted to know some sort of strategy to talk to him about it. He will probably continue insisting that he was accepted all along. I will tell him I know you lied, and I know you just got in, congratulations but just don't think you can get away with lying to me ever again just like you didn't this time either, because next time I catch you trying to pull something it will be over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I will tell him I know you lied, and I know you just got it, congratulations but just don't think you can get away with lying to me ever again just like you didn't this time either, because next time I catch you trying to pull something it will be over.Yeah, that will go over well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Yeah, that will go over well. ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 I just don't want to be taken for a fool. Thanks everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 He just had a car accident today with his new expencive car and ruend it. He didn't get hurt just had a few scratches...so it isn't the best time to bring it up. He is very upset about his car..so I have to find the right moment to say it...I just hope he won't insist with his lying... Thanks all.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 How do you know he's not lying about that?He just had a car accident today with his new expencive car and ruend it. He didn't get hurt just had a few scratches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 How do you know he's not lying about that? He called me on the phone and I went to meet him up after it happened and I saw his damaged car and his scratches and his slightly injured eye.. Then after I come home, my friend sent me the list with the accepted names. Meaning he didn't even mention the list when he saw me. I know he doesn't lie to me about everything..I think he lied to make him seem more attractive (serious/important) to me in the beginning and he thought he would be getting in sooner and it wouldn't take so long. It took him awhile to get me to nottice him I think that's why he did it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 He called me on the phone and I went to meet him up after it happened and I saw his damaged car and his scratches and his slightly injured eye..He could have done all that himself. Sounds fishy to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 He could have done all that himself. Sounds fishy to me. Why would he want to do that..? Are you being sarcastic? There isn't a list to prove that he did it to himself so I believe him... If there was I wouldn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enkeleda Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 I talked to him agout it. He said he wasn't "formally" accepted untill now, allthough his mentors allowed him to go and train there. He kept on smiling and his face turned red once I showed him the list. I told him it would have made no difference if he was or wasn't accepted to me and he didn't need to lie. I told him if you hide this what else can you be hiding of will you hide? Anyway I choose to let it go. But I made it clear if I catch him lying again about anything.. it's over. As for trusting him...right now I don't...but maybe I will be able to again if I see that with time I don't catch him lying about anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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