Billson91 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 So we broke up roughly 3 weeks ago, she did the dumping, neither of us had done anything wrong and there is no hate or animosity towards eachother. I'm still in love with her. The first week we didn't speak with eachother, she messaged me asking to meet just to go over things and sort of finalise the break up so to speak. We did that, went well, and we decided that we would stay friends and leave eachother on social media. A few days later I asked to meet again just to get some more things off my chest to her which she was fine with, she's been really understanding with the whole thing. After that we didn't really speak for like a week, then on the Saturday I messaged her just saying that I missed hanging out with her and she asked if it was cos she was such good company (joking around with me). She was going out that night with her friends and I felt like she was over me at this point (I had no indication that she was, was just a feeling, just to note, since the break up I had really bad anxiety when anything to do with her came up on my phone, it's now passed) anyway, I thought she would be going out that night and possibly getting with another guy or something which made me feel . So that night I deleted her off snapchat and her friends, just so I didn't even have the opportunity to see her doing something I couldn't bare to see. The next morning she rang me and said she was passing by and if it was ok for her to pop round, which I said yes. When she was at mine she explained that all night she was being sick in the toilet because she got too drunk (which made me feel better cos she didn't get with any guys), I told her about me deleting her and her friends on snapchat and she got annoyed at me for deleting her, and that she would never put anything like that on snapchat and that I should re add her, which I did. she was wearing her friends clothes cos she stayed there, and asked if she could borrow some of my clothes, which I let her do, then she left. Fast forward to Thursday just gone, I asked her if she fancied doing something and she said yeah, but she didn't have any petrol so I should just go round hers for a bit. When I got there we just watched telly for a few hours, I asked her if she was over me and she said no. then walked her dog, I explained to her how anxious I got when she goes out cos I think she would get with other people and that I just didn't want to witness it happening, she said she's not going out to get with guys and only to have a good time. we got back to hers and she made me a cup of tea, then I left. On the Friday we snapchatted in the morning but that was all, she was the one who sent me one first as well, Saturday morning was the same. Saturday night she had a free house and her and her friend were going out, the anxious side of me thought the worst and assumed that they would go out, find some guys and take them back with them. I went out that night too, kind of hoping to see her but also kind of not, I didn't see her out tho. In the morning I woke up to a message from her asking how my night was, we spoke for a bit then she asked what I was doing that day, we arranged to meet for some lunch and we did. When we got to the place for food, she asked me if I had kissed any girls the previous night, I said no, and somehow we got to the point where she was saying she wasn't looking for a new guy or anything and that she hated men (apart from myself) and that she was considering going celibate as a joke, which I agreed to her I would be doing too. When we finished our food she asked if we could go back to mine and watch a film, I said yeah. When we were at mine, we were on my bed just watching a film, there was a few times where we sort of play fought, (tickling, joke hitting eachother) the sort of thing I would find flirty I guess? She left around 4 cos she had to pick her parents up, once she'd got back home tho, we snapchatted eachother all evening up til around half 10 when I fell asleep. We've spoke a bit this morning and have arranged to do something later in the week. So basically I'm not sure what any of this means? Could she still have feelings for me? Should I just give it time and we could possibly get back together? I've read that couples break up quite often and that it actually helps to do so. Maybe she has given it a second thought about braking up? At the start of the break up she said she didn't want to give me any false hope about getting back together. I just want to note that I have 100% trust in her, I know for a fact she would never want to hurt me. Also when we hangout she quite often states that we are mates now, like when we were play fighting she would say "oh I can do this now we're mates". I don't want to read into that too much cos she could just be saying that cos we are mates or that she's just joking about it? I have no idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viceroy Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Well this is a messy situation, not sure how the breakup actually occurred, you need to find out about that. You also should clearly express your interest in reconciling with her, you don't want to be getting mixed signals like you are right now. The problem will be that eventually she will get with another guy and you're relationship with her will become marginalized. If she isn't willing to reconcile you need to take steps to move on. Being friends with her isn't a good idea, especially if you still are in love with her. Find out what's the deal and if she is interested in getting back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billson91 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 I was thinking maybe give it a week or so, giving her space but also meet up like we arranged, then eventually ask her how she feels about me. If positive say to take is slow and easy going at the start or something. Just to note as well, she's probably the most stubborn person I've met. The way we broke up was basically she said that she had a change of heart about the relationship. We were in a relationship for 6 months but we were seeing eachother for about 3 months before that too. Thank you for the quick reply btw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? Unfortunately this is exactly why staying friends or remaining on social media is not a good idea. Discussing and keeping track of each other's dating life as well as hanging out, staying on social media is a friendzone limbo hell you are putting yourself through with this. What's the point of all these Netflix and chill hangout if you are supposedly broken up? we decided that we would stay friends and leave each other on social media. and she got annoyed at me for deleting her. I explained to her how anxious I got when she goes out cos I think she would get with other people.she asked me if I had kissed any girls the previous night, I said no. At the start of the break up she said she didn't want to give me any false hope about getting back together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billson91 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Well the Netflix hangout was the first time we'd hung out at mine and watched a film since we broke up. And it was like we were back to normal almost. I'm just thinking maybe over the weekend she had a change of heart? Seeing as she messaged me in the morning asking to meet, then asking to come round as her well? I know she wouldn't be doing any of this to string me along. Maybe I'm just reading all of these signals the wrong way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Interestingly she said she wouldn't string you along, but unless she explicitly states she wants to get back together, she is. At this point you are a male-girlfriend in the friendzone unless you speak up about what you want loud and clear. Why did she break up with you and say this: "she said she didn't want to give me any false hope about getting back together". Well the Netflix hangout was the first time we'd hung out at mine and watched a film since we broke up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt3939 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Gotta say I never made it to the end. A breakup isn't seeing each other over and over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billson91 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yeah that's what I'm worried about, being friend zoned, I'm guessing I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and ask her if she wants to try things again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viceroy Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 It doesn't really make any sense for her to say that she had a change of heart and then still come hang out on your bed (of all places!!!!). If you're sure no one else is in the picture, you need to clearly state your intentions as Wiseman suggessted. You're not in a good position because your'e continuing a close relationship with her, you're not her boyfriend anymore. If she isn't open to any reconciling, I would advise you to distance yourself from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billson91 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Ok, thank you all for the quick replies. I'll give it a week or so then see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Your post is a perfect example of why you need to go NC after a breakup. Sure, there are couples who keep breaking up and getting back together again, but this is a very unhappy situation to be in and is guaranteed to have a terrible effect on your self-esteem and emotional wellbeing. Tell her that you're finding all the uncertainty too painful, and that you'd rather stop all contact with her unless she's getting in touch to rekindle the relationship. Then stop following her on social media and block her in every way available to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 She broke up with you- so i think, for your own mentality, you work on accepting this.. same for her. Was her choice? Let her live with that choice. So-- NO contact- so you can heal and NO more expectations. She may likely be 'using you', to get over you. Why let her do this? Someday, she may just come across some guy of interest and start pushing you away... You ready for that?? Respect her choice and give her ALL the space she needs and wants now. Don't chase.. and again.. no expectations. Work on accepting you're done... I know it stings but letting it all linger will just keep making things this much harder for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShatteredMan Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 She broke up with you- so i think, for your own mentality, you work on accepting this.. same for her. Was her choice? Let her live with that choice. So-- NO contact- so you can heal and NO more expectations. She may likely be 'using you', to get over you. Why let her do this? Someday, she may just come across some guy of interest and start pushing you away... You ready for that?? Respect her choice and give her ALL the space she needs and wants now. Don't chase.. and again.. no expectations. Work on accepting you're done... I know it stings but letting it all linger will just keep making things this much harder for you! Agree with SooSad33. As others have said, start the process of working on yourself to make YOU a better man for the NEXT woman in your life. When someone CHOOSES to walk out of your life, LET THEM GO. As someone who's coming out of the emotional wreckage of a breakup that I wanted to reverse, when I think logically about it, we didn't work for several reasons that I CHOSE to ignore while I was in love with her. Now that I'm not and I've done the work on myself, made positive choices to move on in various ways (new house, new relationship, looking for a new job), I'm proof that this advice will work. It hurts like hell doing it, but ultimately you have to heal your mind and heart through positive growth and learning about yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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