Eyebrows Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Not that I've had that many. I started late. Was shy for years. So I've only really had 4 first dates so 'always' may be a bit of a stretch. There was a girl I worked with in a shop once. First time we went out she was telling me how she was abused as a child, that she was raped, that her mother gave her up for adoption and a lot of other things. She also had herpes and said "So there's a chance our children will get them." Wanting neither children nor herpes I did bail on that one though I felt like a complete ass after how much she told me. She text the next day saying she hoped it was the start of our future together. My ex-girlfriend, she barely spoke on our first date because she was so nervous. We slept together on the first night. I'd mentioned about her staying over, she'd never stayed at a man's house overnight before. After we had sex there was a lot of opening up. It didn't bother me so much that time, as we had a pretty good connection from the get go. However, the baby clothes pictures and the "You have to propose to me" should have raised alarm bells when it didn't. I've talked about her on here before. Crying on our holiday, going from soulmate and the rest of her life to accusing me of harassment at work. She had said I had saved her from her last relationship. The other one was a girl with hydrocephalus and spine bifida who I met online. Actually, this one wasn't really bad. It was a pleasant couple of glasses of wine for about 2 hours before work. I think we talked about pretty banal things but talked the whole time. She wanted to see me again but it was way too soon after my break-up and I decided it wouldn't be fair on her. Another girl, I'm still in contact with a little bit. Met her online too. She was sweet. Then she was telling me about her ex-BPD partner who is on the scene still and all about her past history, sexual abuse, kinks she was into that were way too extreme for me, her bipolar and stuff she's done. She wanted to see me again too, though she said she didn't think there was a sexual connection (I've been pretty stand-offish after my last relationship). Though the conversation did turn sexual when she brought it up and I told her I was interested in her sexually. I mean, when somebody tells me they have a history of sexual abuse, I'm always a bit wary about things like that as I don't want to trigger them or make them feel pressured or anything like that. She was nice. She said I ticked two out of three boxes, that I was easy to connect with, something else that I don't remember, and someone she could be sexually compatible with. The kinks are a bit too much for me. Anyway...I have a female friend who is married. We're just friends. I don't know, she touches me when she's drunk and we hang out and she tells me she doesn't love her husband and she's not happy, and the first time we went for a drink she said she wanted me to know I could talk to her about anything, relationship problems, sex and said that it is rare to connect with somebody and...yeah...I'm not going down that route even if there was attraction. 1. Because I wouldn't want to break up a marriage. 2. Because she has been an absolute godsend in helping me last year deal with my AVM, brain bleed and brain surgery and I'd hate to lose her as a friend. She was also sexually assaulted. But it's a similar dynamic. I feel like an echoing board, even though it's platonic. I guess it's nice in a way that people feel comfortable around me. The lady at work I sit next to said she doesn't usually talk so much, she doesn't know what it is about me that makes her talk, that she is not wanting to talk to other people so much. And I was told that I relax people. But is there some kind of subconscious reason why I attract people who seem to be looking for some kind of saviour or who are wanting to put me on the uncomfortable position of being on a pedestal before they inevitably get disappointed that I can't meet their expectations. I don't want to be anybody's white knight. Or is this just what happens to everyone on dates? Link to comment
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