My Boyfriend and i Broke up Because he doesnt want to deal with arguing .

[LilShawty109]

Hello, My name is Aeriyal and my boyfriend's name is Jaz. Basically, he cant take the arguing and he said he feels like i drain his energy and is so clingy.. Im also his very first true love and real relationship.. I want to be with him so bad. He's like non other.. He says he cant try no more.. but i told him he cant just quit on us like that.. falling in love is easy but its are you willing to ride through the ups and downs is the test. I would risk it all for him cause he's the best i never had 😞

 

We've been together for 5 months and it feels like we've known eachother for years because of how good of a connection we have. We're both 18 , go to the same college, have classes together, and act like we're bestfriends. We hang out all the time , everyday if we get the chance too. And everyone around us knew we were the power couple. We had trust issues in the beginning of our relationship because of my past relationship. My ex boyfriend mentally abused me and cheated on me and i feel like Jaz would do the same. It took for jaz to show me truly how he was different from other guys and for him to tell me he would never do me like that, for me to trust him. After 2 months of dating, the third month got a little shaky because we began to argue over the most stupid and littlest things. See we both are the type of people to get mad quick and when we argue we both never give the other a chance to talk because we cut eachother off or not listen and blame the other person. So he broke up with me because of it And this is the beginning of christmas break. Even after the breakup we still talked on the phone and facetime eachother every night. Even though we werent together anymore, we still acted and talked like we were to eachother knowing we still want eachother regardless of the decision that was made. Eventually, we realized we couldnt be without eachother so we made it official again. Soon after , we began to argue about stupid things again.. It got to the point where i would try to explain my side of the story of why im upset and he'll just walk away.. Then i tried talking to him about the situation again and he told me he just cant do it anymore. I drain all of his energy out and i take the fun out of him..

 

i went to his house thursday cause this decision was made yesterday(Wednesday). I got all my clothes cause he gave me a droor.. but i i got everything that was mine, soap, underwear, socks, and clothes. I even gave him his clothes back that i kept to sleep with even while he was home for the break. I dont know if i want another relationship because all i care about and want to be with is him. I know i cant put all my eggs in one basket but he's

my true bestfriend.. and my only love. I mean i dont wanna force him or anything but its not right to me to just let go like that. not this time it aint. And i gave him a notebook of which i wrote my true feelings for him and left it there.. Idk what else to do. Its not even that bad its just our communication is bad.

 

From my point of view, our problem is communication. We both want eachother to know how we feel but its the way we talk about it with one another. We talk over eachother all the time and I tell him that's not right. We're both quick to cut eachother off when telling our sides. I cant even blame him for that because I do it too. But when he gets mad he wants to cuss me out, hit things and take it to a whole level of craziness. That scares me and

I let him know that. While I was with my ex ,he abused me with his words by saying whatever while he was mad and he didn't think it was wrong. He did things to me that hurt me mentally and jaz reminded me of the same feeling when he has his outbursts like that.. I understand frustration but when it comes down to that I walk away cause I don't know who he is anymore. I walk away when I'm mad because I

don't wanna get to that point where I feel like hitting him or saying things I don't mean. Jaz has a slick mouth and sometimes he'll say stupid like "aeriyal you so dumb" and he'll tell me how annoying I am but its the way he says it which degrades me and makes me feel some type of way. Like he says stuff but don't even realize how it makes me feel. Then He tells me when I'm not around he feels much better...

 

From his point of view it's kinda different. Basically...he says I don't trust him, the arguments are out of control and are about small things, he doesn't think he can do anything with his friends because I want to know where he is at all times and want him all to himself..he doesn't feel free or at peace in the relationship sometimes.

 

I DO TRUST HIM. Out of all my relationships he's the most trustworthy.. One day We went to Walmart because he needed groceries.. We started talking about making space on his phone and the main problem on his phone are messages. I told him the only messages in my phone are his and I. Then I look on his phone and he shows me all the messages he has on his phone which are a lot of people including me and I said you need to delete em. And he said some of the messages he wants to keep because certain of them have photos he still wants to look at then I said lemme see Nicky's. Nicky's is Jaz's fake sister.. From the jump I aint like that at all but i don't talk to her anyways but I tolerated it for him. So I said lemme see yall messages cause from the corner of my eye all I seen was emojis and heart faces kissy faces too. And he opened the message but then deleted it. And I got mad and upset because he didn't do what I asked him too right then and there. I asked him to let me see their messages and delete it. He delete someone elses convo and skipped hers and deleted someone elses then went back , opened it and I said lemme see and he barely showed me anything. All I seen was emojis. And he claimed that they were sending funny pictures back n forth to eachother but then turned around and said nevermind he thought there was something but it wasn't. So I was already hot and confused because he jjust told me that he wanted to save the messages between them because of pictures but there really weren't any, second I asked to lemme see the messages for my self , and he deleted them right in my face , then he said he accidentally sent a kissy face emoji to her and didn't mean it. So what the hell do you want me to believe?? I told him i trust him but for him to do that to me was very suspicious.

 

I'm always there for jaz . He just needs to understand it from where I'm coming from and he just doesn't.

it really shouldn't come down to us acting like we don't even know eachother because of little ass arguments. SO WHAT. That what comes with relationships. I want him to ride on this bumpy road and this crazy rollercoaster just a bit more instead of jumping off because its getting to sickening. At the end of the ride you'll soon then see how worth it it is.

 

At this point he doesn't even wanna try anymore. I lost my bestfriend and I cant get him back 😭😭😭😭

[gebaird]

I'm not sure "communication problem" fully captures what's happening here. I see anger management issues that cross the line into abuse, codependence and an unwillingness to acknowledge how your own behavior has caused these issues. You need to get some other friends and stop putting all of your emotional energy into this toxic relationship. Therapy probably wouldn't hurt, either.

[FunnySomeWhat]

Sorry for this, just a few questions, how many relationships have you and Jaz had before this point and this Nicky, you mentioned he was his fake sister?What does that mean like step sister or just female best friend?

[LilShawty109]

Jaz had 1 relationship before me but he was a sophomore in highschool but he ended it with her because she moved. He told me during the summer while he was 18 before college he met a girl at his job and they just use to flirt with eachother. They never hooked up but only kiss and the girl broke it off with him for no reason. With me I've been in 2 real relationships before Jaz. The first guy I was with I've been with him for 2 and a half years. The second one was 6 months. Both those relationships were bad because both guys cheated on me and disrespected me in many ways. We've also had bad arguments as well. And the girl Nicky is a girl that's close to his Dad and she would call Jaz's Dad 'Dad' so he just started calling her his sister and I guess they were cool ever since.

[MissCanuck]

This much drama in 5 months is a sign that you two don't work together.

 

I wouldn't attempt to revive this.

[rosephase]

Breaking up five months in over to much arguing? Yeah that relationship is dead. Five months is way to soon to be fighting at all, let alone fighting a lot. And while it's easy to point at communication (although it seems like the issue you keep pointing out is that nether of you know how to listen to each other) it sounds like you have a lot of disfunction in a very new relationship. Honestly? It sounds like you aren't ready to be in a long term committed relationship. You have trust issues left over from a abusive relationship, you act very co-dependently, you both have angry issues and you are 18. I think it's pretty normal to not be ready for a long term committed type relationship when you are 18. Take some time away from dating and get to know yourself. Figure out what you want a relationship to look like. Look at relationships around you and see how they treat each other. What does respect look like? What does communication look like? What does trust look like? Figure out your own needs and desires and then start looking into what it's like to try and meets someone else's needs or desires.

[LilShawty109]

I believe that we could fix it as long as we can understand eachother better and listen.

[LilShawty109]

Thank you I will definitely take this into consideration.

[Jibralta]

I believe that we could fix it as long as we can understand eachother better and listen.

 

Yes, this is the key right here. But not if one person is doing all of the work.

[Tanzi]

i told him he cant just quit on us like that.. falling in love is easy but its are you willing to ride through the ups and downs is the test.

 

He can if that's what he wants. It sound like he was done trying to ride through all the downs. All this drama five months in does not make this a good relationship.

[Iggy5129]

Walking away at 5 months is not "giving up on love" it's realizing you're not compatible with someone. Fighting this much and 2 break ups after 5 months? Who wouldn't walk away from that? You "ride the rollercoaster" with someone you're married to, have kids with, etc. Not someone who you've been with for a few months that gets mad at you all the time and tries to delete all messages from his phone.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you need to learn not to be clingy and possessive and controlling without using your past as an excuse. After a breakup it's normal to go no contact.

 

Lay back and do not smother him. Let things cool off and wait for him to contact you. However it doesn't sounds like he wants to be that tied down so the best you can hope for is fwb or hookups.

Basically...he says I don't trust him, the arguments are out of control and are about small things, he doesn't think he can do anything with his friends because I want to know where he is at all times and want him all to himself..he doesn't feel free or at peace in the relationship sometimes.