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Foursome Gone Wrong? (Friendship Advise to a Friend Needed)


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First, no this hasn't happened to me.


My best friend and his fiancé recently decided to get involved with another couple, a married couple. I know the two of them very well, roughly 12 years. Let's call them Mike and Molly.


Mike and Molly approached me roughly a month ago with a mutual decision to undergo a foursome. First question I asked was why 4 and not 3? The explanation was simple, they wanted a mutual playing ground and although a 3some wasn't off the table, they both found the idea of a "swap" or 4some much more inviting. If anyone read my advise regarding the office 3some from another poster not to long ago, I do know what 3somes have done to people. So I gave them the best advise I could and made her it was something they both wanted. It was.


I wasn't too surprised really, they were both adventurous yet so respectful to one another that I often told myself, if I knew anyone that would go to a swinger's club it would be them.


Long story short - they know a couple who swings. They met them for drinks a couple of times and ironed out some details. One night while having drinks again, they all decided it was time. Off they went.


Two weeks later, Mike calls me with some details. He loved and hated it. Molly apparently enjoyed her partner so extensively, she screamed his name. Mike wasn't jealous, but worried about his own abilities after this.


First thing I did was calm him down, told him to get out of his own head that I know it isn't as bad as he thinks. Next I said he needs to talk to Molly about it in a calm and collected fashion. But I just don't know what else to say.... I'm worried this will create a thought in his head.. which he may never be able to shake....


Any ideas?

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That is one of the risks of watching your partner have sex with someone else. It doesn't work for some people. And in our monogamous leaning social culture we teach people to be possessive of their partner's sexuality and most people who step out of monogamy deal with facing that insecurity. It sounds like he is having mixed feelings about it. Mixed is pretty normal, who knows what side he'll come down on when he sorts out his feelings. As a friend I would suggest you just be there for him. Let him talk through his insecurities and excitements with you. Don't put pressure on him to be any way about it. Just let him sort out his feelings.

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I would stay out of it from now on. Why on earth waste so much energy on another couple's problems? You are not their mother nor professional counsellor. They need to learn to fix these kind of messes on their own. What good can come from telling them what to feel and do? They made a stupid decision, nothing respectful about it, and you were put in the middle, getting all the graphic details? And now you are trying to arbitrate the mess? Are you also going to take up the blame if things fail? Why do that to yourself? He needs to figure this one on his own, keep things between him and his wife and stop asking third parties to fix his problems. You did the right thing. Now stay out of it and stop worrying over fixing other people's stupidity.

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