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Loving a broken soldier, do I cut and run? Or fight for this man?


iceclimbergirl

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This is pretty clear and succinct as well as kind, that he doesn't want marriage, kids, a relationship, etc. You will learn from future dating that not every guy who doesn't want marriage as soon as you do does not have to have serious defects to make that choice.

 

I know this to be true. Two years ago, at 28, I did not want it either. I was with a wonderful man who wanted that more than anything.

 

In an ironic twist, I was the one traveling as a reporter overseas, and he was trying to have me settle with him in our home and marry and have children. I was just about allergic to the idea... until I met this new man.

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And if you keep waiting around for him in between involvements, that proves to him that you value whatever he chooses to give you over your own well-being. Not exactly a strong basis for an equally committed relationship, is that?

 

I get it, you don't want to end it. But he's proven three times that he isn't interested in giving you what you want. Diagnosing him with whatever condition isn't going to change the fact that he is CHOOSING not to commit to you in the kind of relationship you want or need.

 

And like another poster said, just because someone chooses not to be with us doesn't make them ill or the victim of some kind of medical or mental or emotional disorder. I know it's easier to believe he really wants to be with you but "can't" due to this or that. But, again, believing he's ill doesn't change the outcome.

 

Best thing to do is to choose not to go back for round 4. Why put yourself through that? Don't be so busy looking in the rear view mirror that you miss what may be right in front of you.

 

I am so very sorry to hear about your awful experience with a man who treated you so poorly. What a travesty as you seem like a wonderful, empathetic person.

 

You are absolutely right. By going back for round 4, I would only be showing him that I am complicit in his non-committal treatment. Unacceptable.

 

The why doesn't matter. He chooses to vacillate on us. I need to get to a point of acceptance on this. I will.

 

Just not there yet...

 

Thank you for your words and sharing your own experience.

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Update for anyone who cares. I was out last night until midnight, when I returned home, there he was, sitting outside my door. He had been there for three hours after driving 11 hours to get there. I heard him out. Same promises of love and devotion. This time with tears. I turned him on his heels and told him to leave. Come back in a few weeks if he still feels the same. I feel strong and incredibly proud of myself.

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Update for anyone who cares. I was out last night until midnight, when I returned home, there he was, sitting outside my door. He had been there for three hours after driving 11 hours to get there. I heard him out. Same promises of love and devotion. This time with tears. I turned him on his heels and told him to leave. Come back in a few weeks if he still feels the same. I feel strong and incredibly proud of myself.

 

Almost girl. I would have told him to never come back or I would call the police.

 

Something is wrong with him.

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Update for anyone who cares. I was out last night until midnight, when I returned home, there he was, sitting outside my door. He had been there for three hours after driving 11 hours to get there. I heard him out. Same promises of love and devotion. This time with tears. I turned him on his heels and told him to leave. Come back in a few weeks if he still feels the same. I feel strong and incredibly proud of myself.

 

That is stalker behavior. I wonder if you told him to come back because you were afraid of his response. I would not normally advocate contact, but i almost would advise to text him to never show up at your doorstep again to have a record of you telling him to stay away. Maybe others will advise differently.

 

Maybe its best for you to actually work through the broken engagement - you got involved with him so fast you had no time to heal.

 

I would change your locks if he ever had a key and maybe ask a friend who lives by if you can call them if he should come over again - if he is on your porch, i wouldn't get out of the car - i would leave and go to the friends.

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