I have a friend that has cancer, and I need all the advise I can get.

[coolgirl]

Sorry if this gets long but I really need help on helping out this friend of mine. A friend of mine (guy) let's call him Ali. Him and i met through Facebook chatted a bit and decided to met up for coffee. Only for 30 minutes. This new years. After that I thought I would not hear from him. He would casually text me hi how are you at times and that's about it. 2 weeks ago he was out with a friend of his as they just finished having dinner and going home. Ali called me in front of his friend we spoke for a second or 2 me and said my friend would like to talk to you so I kindly accepted it and spoke for only 5 minutes. Let's call this guy Mo. He introduced himself me as well. After that we said goodbye and hung up.

 

A week later my friend Ali texts me saying do you remember my friend Mo I went out with. I'm like yea call me. So he calls me saying my friend Mo really liked talking to you last week and was wondering if it's okay with you to get your number for him. Because Mo asked Ali if me and Ali were dating he said no. So I said yea sure why not. I be happy to make another friend. This was back in Wenesday of this week.

 

So he called me 30 minutes later we find ourself talking till almost 7 in the morning. From 12 to 7. We really did enjoy talking to each other that we didn't want to hang up. So we decided to met up the next day. He hasn't been in a relationship for a long time. For at least 3-4 years. His previous relationship ended really badly where it got him really I mean really sick.

 

He is from Iran met his girlfriend there were friends for 6 years and dated for 6 years he ended up finding out she cheated on him slept with some else and married that person he bought her a house and everything and she ended up doing this to him. He had gotten so sick after the hell she put him through lost everything and told me he has cancer. That he can't breathe, he has shortness of breath, he can't kiss when he does it makes him sick, and that having perfume on me makes him sick. When I touch his chest he becomes really sensitive. He told me the type of cancer he has I just can't remember it.

 

He's been in the states only 10 months. He traveled to the states from doctors orders from Iran to the states to get the best treatment in Houston. He's gone under 24 surgeries back home in Iran. How he got here was through medical tourist.

 

He's undergone chemotherapy and radiation back home, he does have a doctor here in Houston that he is seeing. He can't get insurance. The only way for him to stay is if he married someone here to help him get the greencard so that can cover medical expenses. He is on gofundme. Because I did google him. He's such a sweet and nice caring guy. A true gentlemen. Our first date he brought me flowers, went out to dinner paid for it.

 

The restaurant we went to we ran into Ali and his girlfriend which was my therapist. Both persian. So her and I chatted a bit. Then we left because we finished our dinner. He did kiss me but made him sick, and I felt bad for him.

We did sleep together but was bound to happen anyway ( please don't even go there with me. ) When we saw each other he wanted to touch me and feel me, I got upset with him and told him.

He realized his wrong doings and did apologize about it but at the end we did end up sleeping together.

 

Here is the problem here we've connected on a more deeper level now. We're talking every day, texting every day, this chemotherapy he had has made him nervous and anxious one day he's like I really do like you, I do want to date you, your such a sweet girl then next he's like let's not get attached to each other, I don't want to hurt you, but this is my condition, he be all lovy dovey with me 1 minute the next minute he's all hyper then calms back down the next.

 

I really do like him and do want to help him out anyway I can but with these constant up and downs going to drive me crazy. Please don't tell me to leave this guy alone and let him be I will never do that to him not unless he wants me too. He has no family here, just me, as a friend, he can't get insurance, to cover the cost of any surgeries he needs to do here. So I do very much feel for this man.

 

He went to Dallas this past day or 2 to spend with friends and I told him to go and have fun. He's like dont call or text me till I get back when he gets there he's texting me and calling me. He left on Thursday came back Friday night and we met up and told me I can't stop thinking about you while I was there, I keep looking at your pictures, when we met up he's like what's can't do this every day let's talk less, let's see each other less, I said what ever you want. When i tried talking to him again i said try to concentrate on your health and taking care of yourself and that I enjoy his company , we did end up sleeping together. He tells me he's not doing good. He has his moment where he's all hyper up one minute and then as time passes by after 30 minutes he's calm.

 

I literally dont know what to do or how to help him. I myself receive Medicare and Medicaid won't he be able to qualify for someone that is disabled like him and is battling with cancer to get the treatment he needs? He says he can't get any type of insurance when he's here for medical treatment when it's under medical tourist. He told me the girls he use to talk to before he met me that anytime he would mention his condition too would run away from him. But I stayed. He's afraid to get involved with someone being hurt all over again and being cheated on.

 

I won't back out as a friend to leave him hanging, and I'll give him the support he needs as a friend. I just don't know how to handle this. I do care about this man very much. Please I need all the help and support I can get right now.

 

Thanks for reading.

[RainyCoast]

He told me the girls he use to talk to before he met me that anytime he would mention his condition too would run away from him. But I stayed.

 

how old are you luv. he needs to get married for citizenship and insurance. you are an emphatic, kind person, but you're not marrying anyone for that. the girls didn't run away from his illness. they ran because they didn't want to seal their lives with someone they barely met, who needs them for his treatment.

 

what you do is stop anything couply and romantic.

 

your friend is your therapist? i didn't quite get that part.

[coolgirl]

I'm 36 he's 37. Actually, he didn't mention anything about us getting married for that. At all I'm the one who suggested that to him that what if I do it. And offered and I didn't mind. To help him get the treatment he needs. He thanked me so much for me even offering he said no because he does not want to see me hurt. But then I realized that I'm receiving SSDI myself and would totally affect that as well. I didn't think about that part. I did ask him what type of tourism he had when he came here he said medical tourism but with visitor tourism they can't work or get any medical insurance which odd to me if he does have medical tourism wouldn't he qualify for it ? I did research the requirements for it.

 

My friend Ali he introduced me to Mo himself. So me and Mo that night went to an restaurant and that's where we both ran into Ali and his girlfriend. His girlfriend was my therapist. I was shocked to even see her with him because Ali is 42 my therapist is in her 50s. Lol. The thing is I don't know how to handle his ups and downs.

 

 

 

2QUOTE=RainyCoast;6739457]how old are you luv. he needs to get married for citizenship and insurance. you are an emphatic, kind person, but you're not marrying anyone for that. the girls didn't run away from his illness. they ran because they didn't want to seal their lives with someone they barely met, who needs them for his treatment.

 

what you do is stop anything couply and romantic.

 

your friend is your therapist? i didn't quite get that part.

[RainyCoast]

doesn't it strike you as concerning that knowing him less than a month, you suggested marriage as a means of saving his life?

 

purposefully getting involved in other people's drama is unproductive enough, wanting to remedy the effects of an international humanitarian crisis is hyperbolically so.

 

best you can do is suggest he cooperates with NGOs. if you weren't excessively emotionally invested, you could be a supportive friend. if his condition preoccupies you, it would be best to detach completely.

[gebaird]

I'm guessing he's hot and cold because he feels like a ticking time bomb. He wants friendship and romance, but he knows his health and citizenship situations are precarious. For his sake and yours, he may be hesitant to get into a relationship. I suspect his head is at war with his heart. That's why he says "don't call me" and then calls you. I think his actions are more important than his words. And his actions are saying he wants more than friendship with you.

 

What do you want?

 

There are always risks in love, but this situation seems more volatile than most.

 

The best way to be safe might be to focus on friendship. But it may be hard for both of you to draw those lines.

 

Be careful.