Don't know if I should, or even if I could..

[YungNConfused]

Hi, so lately I've been feeling confused about the relationship that I've been in for nearly four years. I'm 21 years old (nearly 22) and she is 19 (nearly 20), we met in high school and started dating shortly after I graduated.

 

The beginning of our relationship was the roughest part because at the time she still didn't know exactly what she wanted. It took her a couple months to figure out how great I really am and we've been together ever since.

 

We rarely fight, she's the nicest person I know, I consider her my best friend, and I know that she really loves me. Lately however, she's kinda been annoying me and I can't exactly put my finger on why that is. She's always so sweet and caring but she's also clumsy, hasty, and doesn't always use very good common sense. I'm very methodical and need routine in my life, some might say borderline OCD, while she is just fine with waking up each day and getting through it to the next day.

 

Her family really likes me and so do all of her friends, but my family and friends kind of butt heads with her on political and religious views. Even though my views line up with my girlfriends, I am not nearly as vocal or passionate about them which means I don't get into the arguments that she does with my family. I know a futile effort when I see one and she does not. Also, I rarely find conversations with my girlfriend intellectually stimulating. You might say there's a decent IQ gap between us.

 

We are both in collage and currently live nearly 2 hours apart with our hometown in the middle. I feel like the spark that used to be there for me is dwindling and I don't know what to do. I haven't talked to her about any of these new feelings because I think she will be devestated, I love her and don't want to break her heart but I just don't know if we are right for each other..

 

I want all the advice I can get, please let me know what you guys think. Sorry for it being so long, I left a decent amount out still

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but your feelings are understandable. You've been together way too long and way too young.

 

Now while you are both away at college is the perfect time to be free and experience other things and branch out and grow. You've grown apart and a 15 y/o puppy love cant be sustained as you both mature and need to experience life more.

 

End it nicely and kindly. Do not stay friends, don't string her along. Then block and delete her from social media so you have your privacy and freedom..

 

You may also want to get involved with college people and date other girls at college.

I've been in for nearly four years. I'm 21 and she is 19. Lately however, she's kinda been annoying me and I can't exactly put my finger on why that is. I rarely find conversations with my girlfriend intellectually stimulating. You might say there's a decent IQ gap between us.

[gebaird]

A lot of life changes happen during the late teens/early twenties. Most relationships that form so early don't last, and that's okay. Break up with her as kindly as you can, and do it once (don't change your mind, don't try to be her friend or stay in contact -- a clean break is the most merciful option for both of you). Find someone who is a better fit for the person you are now becoming.

[YungNConfused]

I don't even know how to approach this situation. I'm quite passive and at the moment I don't believe she suspects that anything is amiss. How can I nicely end things with my best friend who is extremely emotional, extremely attached, and 110% committed? She's going to hate me, I already feel like trash for even thinking about hurting her like this. I feel happy in my relationship for the most part, but I also agree with us being too young. I also don't want to make a huge mistake by letting go of a girl who doesn't even seem phased about spending her life with me. What if I ruin some aspect of love for her? For myself?

[Wiseman2]

Stringing her along is crueler than setting her free.

[MissCanuck]

You've outgrown your relationship.

 

Yes, she will be hurt when it ends. But as most of us have come to learn, first loves rarely last forever. There will be some significant healing time needed but she will eventually be okay.

 

I also had to let go of someone I cared very much about. We'd spent nearly 5 years together (from ages 18-23) It was hard and he was hurt and very angry with me. I just couldn't stay when I knew my heart was already gone. It was a messy break-up and I felt awful for hurting him.

 

But here we are, nearly 13 years after the fact. I live on the other side of the world now, have a great partner. And that ex? He is now happily married with a child. We haven't spoken in more than a decade, so it's pretty safe to say we've both long since moved on. Your girlfriend (and you) eventually will too.

[derroax]

She's going to hate me

 

The alternative is that you're going to hate yourself.

 

Yes we should be altruistic and kind to people, but we shouldn't decide to be in a relationship just to be kind to someone. If she knew you stayed with her out of pity, how would she feel? You deserve more, and so does she (and I am not saying this in a negative way - you both deserve full happiness).

 

And on the topic of ruining love for her - people are responsible for themselves and their own happiness. Don't insult her by thinking she might never be happy again. Yes it will hurt, but she will need to find a way to cope with it. That's her responsibility. Your responsibility is to do be kind and sensitive when you do it.