Am I wrong and being selfish?

[PalmTrees2017]

Hi. So my fiancé lives here in the states with me and all of her immediate family is in Europe. She hasn't seen her family in several years. Her grandmother has fell very ill and they are extremely close (talk on phone every day and when she lived in Europe they saw each other every day). Fiancé wants to fly to Europe to visit her grandma tomorrow night !...and come back Tuesday. She has been a wreck and is afraid she won't make it much longer. At my job they want usually a week notice before taking time off. I can call in sick on Monday and Tuesday, but feel a little nervous about doing that. We are also entering a very busy time at work. Am I selfish if I let her go alone. She has always made it a point that she wants me to meet her grandma before she passes and I feel bad not going. Very stressed, and need to decide soon. I feel like it's a one time thing to do and she would do anything for me, but also I don't want to risk losing my job as well. There is always a chance if I can't get connected to my work email or what not. Thanks for any help !

[gebaird]

I think you should discuss the pros and cons with your fiancé. Tell her your fears and help her understand the pressures you are facing and the possible consequences of going so soon. Since you'll be making decisions together after marriage, this is a good opportunity to get some practice.

[Blue Dreamer]

Seems really quite simple. Fly her out tomorrow, while you stay and take no risk of losing your job. Easier said than done from a random poster on ENA, but why complicate. She needs to be with her grandma and you need to bring in the bread. I know I am missing something, though why would either of you want to risk a primary income source right??? If you are maybe playing games and know you will likely be OK job wise if you go, though maybe don't really want to, then yes, you are acting in selfish fashion. I don't know the truth, but hopefully I helped you.

[abitbroken]

Seems really quite simple. Fly her out tomorrow, while you stay and take no risk of losing your job. Easier said than done from a random poster on ENA, but why complicate. She needs to be with her grandma and you need to bring in the bread. I know I am missing something, though why would either of you want to risk a primary income source right??? If you are maybe playing games and know you will likely be OK job wise if you go, though maybe don't really want to, then yes, you are acting in selfish fashion. I don't know the truth, but hopefully I helped you.

 

I agree. Don't call in sick. I would ask your boss if you could take Monday and Tuesday because your fiance's grandma is expected to not make it through the week and you don't want her flying alone - or find a separate flight to come back on to not miss work. You don't need to be there for this, actually. She would understand that its short notice, and you'll come see the family when you can take time off and the two of you can make it a vacation. Actually, if you go and your flight is delayed, how are you going to explain where you are? And what if something happens weather wise and you are stuck for awhile. Too risky. let her go herself

[abitbroken]

btw, i wanted my grandpa to see me get married. He died well before that would have happened. You can't risk your job. There is no way to predict the lifespan of elders. if she is mad at you, she can't be. If you go, you could lose your job

[JoyfulCompany]

I agree with abitbroken's first post. If your working environment allows it, talk to your supervisor/boss. After all, family emergencies can happen at any time. If your workplace isn't too corporate, maybe they would understand. I hope they care about that you're most of all a human being and then - their employee.

To sum up my opinion - it seems this is a tough moment for your fiancé. If there's any honest way (calling in sick at busy times is not one) to support her, I would do it.

 

Good luck!

[j.man]

As others said, ask your boss and if it's a no, it's a no. Your girlfriend should understand.

[Matt3939]

Can't make everyone happy. I'd go with logic on this one.

[Wiseman2]

Let her go alone. It will be better for her under the circumstances. Tell her you'll visit her family together soon when it's not urgent/short notice and that you can risk losing your job. Are you supporting her? Does she work? Is she on a fiance visa?

Hi. So my fiancé lives here in the states with me and all of her immediate family is in Europe. She hasn't seen her family in several years.

[tattoobunnie]

Hi. So my fiancé lives here in the states with me and all of her immediate family is in Europe. She hasn't seen her family in several years. Her grandmother has fell very ill and they are extremely close (talk on phone every day and when she lived in Europe they saw each other every day). Fiancé wants to fly to Europe to visit her grandma tomorrow night !...and come back Tuesday. She has been a wreck and is afraid she won't make it much longer. At my job they want usually a week notice before taking time off. I can call in sick on Monday and Tuesday, but feel a little nervous about doing that. We are also entering a very busy time at work. Am I selfish if I let her go alone. She has always made it a point that she wants me to meet her grandma before she passes and I feel bad not going. Very stressed, and need to decide soon. I feel like it's a one time thing to do and she would do anything for me, but also I don't want to risk losing my job as well. There is always a chance if I can't get connected to my work email or what not. Thanks for any help !

 

This is one of the most important people in her entire life, and you won't take two days off to meet her while she's DYING?

 

You opting out of going is essentially setting up a marriage where she can't count on you during the bad. Just let you boss know you need those days off desperately - that someone is dying.

 

And the fact you're worried about email? That's weird. I doubt they live in a third world country that doesn't have wi-fi.

 

She can leave now, and then you can join her, but I wouldn't not just go.

[PalmTrees2017]

Hey thanks for the reply. In my line of work (tax season) starts in February so we're gearing up for that busy time now. That being said, my company is flexible and known for being accommodating. I just really don't want to risk anything negative happening at my job. This is like the only time of year they don't let employees have time off.

 

She would do anything for me I just feel bad even thinking about not going but I also have concern about my job. But I am supporting us now and this job is my main source of income. (She works part time and goes to school ).

 

 

 

I agree with abitbroken's first post. If your working environment allows it, talk to your supervisor/boss. After all, family emergencies can happen at any time. If your workplace isn't too corporate, maybe they would understand. I hope they care about that you're most of all a human being and then - their employee.

To sum up my opinion - it seems this is a tough moment for your fiancé. If there's any honest way (calling in sick at busy times is not one) to support her, I would do it.

 

Good luck!

 

This is one of the most important people in her entire life, and you won't take two days off to meet her while she's DYING?

 

You opting out of going is essentially setting up a marriage where she can't count on you during the bad. Just let you boss know you need those days off desperately - that someone is dying.

 

And the fact you're worried about email? That's weird. I doubt they live in a third world country that doesn't have wi-fi.

 

She can leave now, and then you can join her, but I wouldn't not just go.