She wants me thereback after leaving for her ex

[GooseGuy]

Disclaimer: sorry if this belongs in a different subforum, it seemed the best fit here.

 

Ok so, I started befriending this girl I met online by chance about 6 months ago. Into the same things I am like economics and politics, good sense of humor, similar music, pretty, and she was basically a dream come true for me.

Our "friends" stage lasted about a month, we eventually got to texting every day for hours and had a few awkward video calls. Neither of us wanted a relationship with the other, she wasn't over her ex who left her, and I thought a relationship in our scenario was stupid. But we became closer as time went on and she said she wanted a relationship, even though she thought her ex (let's call him emo Steve) was still her first choice.

I wanted her to at this point and thought if I tried hard enough, I could help her get over him. I fell in love and thought she did to, but she just loved me.

 

Backstory on emo Steve: he is in Argentina and they've never met either but they've been close friends for a few years, with a few month go at dating

**I know this is a very screwed up love triangle**

He's has problems with severe depression to the point of being suicidal and he'll ignore her for days on end when he doesn't feel like talking.

 

Anyway, everything was perfect for me and her. The talking, the laughing, the (online) "sex". I've never smiled so much or been so comfortable with anyone else. Her smile was the light of everyday. I finally had a goal in my life, to be with her.

 

I had forgotten about emo Steve besides when she brought him up. Always negative things. He got in a fight, he's been drinking, he wants to kill himself, etc. I was always supportive. But when she mentioned him about a month or so ago, she said he was acting like himself again and being happy. This worried me but passed it off as a selfish thought, I should be happy her close friend doesn't want to kill himself anymore.

 

She became depressed

**she gets one or two day bouts of depression every once and a while (no it's not her period)**

and distant in the next week or so, saying she hated love and how perfect Hollywood makes it seem. I tried to help but she wouldn't let me. It came down to her telling me I still wasn't her first choice. I didn't take it very well, cried in front of her (videocall) and couldn't give an answer on how to proceed. I wasn't mad, just crushed.

 

She ended up breaking up with me rather coldly to try and pursue him.

 

I know this is all through a screen but it's so much more real than that. I was destroyed. I quit my job and just broke down for days. Only in the past week have I been able to start functioning again.

 

We didn't really talk to each other for a week but we are now talking a decent amount

 

Emo Steve of course, fooled her again with his happiness and promises only to leave her crushed. Another one of his depression cycles. Now she wants me back, saying her heart has finally caught up with her brain. I declined for now even though I really didn't want to. She's currently traveling with family so I told her we can have a videocall to try and work things out when she gets home.

 

I want to note she has never lied and she feels she doesn't deserve me after what she did. But I can't know how sincere that is after how cold she was just a couple weeks ago.

 

And this is all so much harder to deal with because I can't be there in person.

 

Do you think I should take her back? Is there any suggestions for rules or boundaries to bring up when I try to work everything out with her?

 

BTW I'm 18, she's 17, emo Steve is 17. Me and her broke up 2 weeks ago. I'm in America, she's in Australia.

[GooseGuy]

It won't let me edit the title, I apologize for the error.

"She wants me back after leaving for her ex"

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like she's on/off with him and not over him. Don't be a backup plan. Date local real-life girls the sex is much better that way.

I had forgotten about emo Steve besides when she brought him up. Always negative things. He got in a fight, he's been drinking, he wants to kill himself, etc.She ended up breaking up with me rather coldly to try and pursue him. I'm 18, she's 17, emo Steve is 17.

[GooseGuy]

That's what I feel like I've been this whole time... but she's never said she was really over him until now so I'm inclined to think she's serious. I dunno how well my rationale is working atm though as I really want her back.

 

I'm not interested in dating anyone else.

[Hollyj]

Why not have a relationship with someone, IN PERSON.

 

You do not know this girl. She is not over her ex, and has her own problems.

 

Get out of the house, and meet someone you can actually interact with.

[Hollyj]

You're not dating. You haven't even met her.

 

OMG! She is on the other side of the planet. Dude, you will never meet this girl, you are wasting your time, not only due to distance, but due to the fact that she loves someone else.

[GooseGuy]

Why not have a relationship with someone, IN PERSON.

 

You do not know this girl. She is not over her ex, and has her own problems.

 

Get out of the house, and meet someone you can actually interact with.

Because I think she's worth it.

 

I know this girl more than you realize. That's what I'm trying to figure out and yes she does.

 

Even if I don't take her back, I won't be dating for a very long time.

[GooseGuy]

You're not dating. You haven't even met her.

 

OMG! She is on the other side of the planet. Dude, you will never meet this girl, you are wasting your time, not only due to distance, but due to the fact that she loves someone else.

 

Whatever, I wasn't trying to get sh** on in here.

[Hollyj]

You know this girl through a screen. You have never met, and the likelihood is slim, considering where she lives.

 

Why don't you date people you can interact with?

 

I think that it is a good idea, to not date for a long while. And, in the future, date someone who is not hung up on their ex, and fresh out of a relationship. Also, someone you can actually take out on a date. These other relationships are pure fantasy!

 

I'm not giving you s$it, but reality.

[Quidam]

Hold on here, have any of you 3 met in real life?! If not please seek help relationship are made on chemistry, physical interactions. You seem to be in love with love itself or hopes of it and this is unhealthy.

 

Are you going to introduce her to your parents by skype? And don't even get me started on the love triangle. These things are already toxic irl its beyond me to imagine this being an issue behind a keyboard. For all we know you are 3 exibitionist/voyeur sharing a good time.

 

Now the concerning part is that all this superficial stuff these synthetic relationships that are has warm as the keyboard you lay them on are affecting you to a point where you seek help to reconcile them in your heart. Mind you part of me finds amusing and unreal that obviously you seek that help over the keyboard again.

 

What are your real life friends think of all this?

What does your family make of this?

How long as this gone on and whats your end game here?

Have you ever consider that the problem might be you maintaining profond relationship with people you have and will never meet?

 

Not here to tear you down but you did fall in love in front of a screen, have drama in front of a screen, seeking advice in front of a screen.

 

How about addressing whats with you and the screen?

[GooseGuy]

No we haven't. We were planning for this spring/summer when she turns 18, her parents rule. The end game was to live together after she finishes the college she got accepted into, she doesn't want to stay in aus. I was even considering going there while she studied.

 

I have talked to people, a close friend and my parents about the break up. They couldn't offer much advice besides telling me to get back on my feet.

 

Maybe I am that desperate for the idea of love, I've spent weeks thinking about that. I can't tell.

 

And everyone knew about the relationship, most still think it's going on. They had their concerns but thought it was a good thing, I was happier, I enjoyed life more. I was more ambitious.

I haven't been able to tell anyone else about the break up besides who I mentioned because I'm afraid of what they'll think whether they tell me or not. That's why I'm here. You guys are just giving me what I was afraid of though, he's just a kid irrationally clinging to a made up love. I've never felt anything more real than this, she's not just a screen.

 

I have addressed the screen, and maybe there is an issue with that. I have social anxiety a lot and generally don't like people and she's the same way. I found solace in another introvert. I do have plenty of healthy friendships. And i've tried to date girls (only twice) I can touch but nothing ever worked out. It's not like I was seeking out an online relationship to satisfy my wants, it just happened. I never meant to talk to her more than the comment section on an instagram post.