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In Love with my Best Friend but Confused


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Hi, bit about me before I move onto my issue I could do with advice on, I'm 22 and in the context of relationships have not been great in being attractive to women, I'm not bad looking, I go to gym, got a good job, dress well, groom well I just lack confidence in myself around women. My last relationship was nearly 7 years ago.


Anyway onto my issue, my best friend CP I met while we were both interning back in May/June 2016 at the same place, we became friends as we were similar age and got on well in the office. Since then I have remained there and CP has moved city, we talked everyday all day and still do, we talk about everything, there's nothing that I don't know about her and vice versa about me, our chats can be flirty and we have nicknames for each other. We meet up every now and again and plan days out together when we can. After a while we both admitted we were physically attracted to each other and emotionally attracted to each other. On the second to last time we met up at the end of the night we were sat in a bar cuddling each other, everything from my point of view was amazing, it was everything I ever wanted and Similarly CP voiced she liked and enjoyed it too.


Then last Friday CP invited me to her house to stay over the weekend and to have a mini party, so I traveled to CP's house and everything was going really great again, we were cuddling, talking and just chilling on the sofa, then we went to her bed and cuddled again, spooning, close cuddles and everything like that(never actually cuddled a girl like this before), nothing more though happened, after this for an hour or so, I went to my room I was staying in and got undressed into my boxers and climbed into bed, with which CP then came up to my bed and climbed in, again we cuddled closely in various ways but nothing more than that. After an hour or two of this CP left for her bed and we both slept. When I woke up in the morning I heard CP coming to my room and again she climbed into my bed and we cuddled and nothing happened.


Now here is the thing that makes me confused and complicated about this situation, CP has a boyfriend whom she lives with while at uni (he wasn't at the house for the above). CP will tell me how lazy he is, how he doesn't listen to her, how she feels he only really uses her for his physical needs, how they have little in common. I've invested so heavily into CP emotionally, I've really fell for her and the cuddles and everything was the best night of my life, just being around her makes me so happy and I make her happy. At the same time any mention of her BF and I just feel so down thinking about them, jealousy in a way but more so just knowing that he has the one who means the most to me in the world I guess. I know CP likes me, maybe not as much as I her but a lot still. One of the things that has stuck with me from the above night was that she said "if I kiss you while I'm with him then I wouldn't be able to be with you if I left him", we both agreed not to go any further than cuddles and we didn't, I respected that and didn't attempt to. CP says that she has been with her BF 3 years and has to try and make it work with him even though her relationship with him isn't great at the moment but that she really likes me. I'm just so confused and everything.


Any advice would be appreciated and many many thanks for taking time to read the above.

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Okay, after reading the first 2 paragraph's I' was thinking things are great, I wonder what kind of advice you are seeking. Then I came to the last paragraph, this is why most people significant other's are so uncomfortable with each other "besties" from the opposite sex. There should be boundaries between friends!


Even though you 2 did not have sex, she cheated on her boyfriend with you emotionally and cuddling and spooning in the bed is not acceptable between friends according to me. Also acting like a couple when out with other friends? I dunno, I think there should be a fine line between friends. That's just my opinion. I wouldn't be too happy if my significant other is spooning his best friend and has emotional attachment to her. You get where I'm coming from.


This whole thing is way too complicated, I would distance myself from her until she gets things sorted out. It seems she wants the best of both worlds. She wants to be with her boyfriend, but she want you as an emotional cushion, someone she could talk to all the time (maybe her bf isn't always available) and someone just to cuddle with and give her attention.


After that being said, I don't blame you for having feelings for her, she led you on at the same time. You didn't act upon because she has a boyfriend and kudos to you. You know what, she's acting on it. I'm glad you didn't try to have sex with her, you have a good head on your shoulders. I think she's just going to emotionally drain you and you are going to become a mess. Try to distance yourself, think of your well being and your sanity. Try to date other people, no need to get into anything serious, but see what else is out there. Spend your time and energy elsewhere because this is NOT going to up good for you. Not now!

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