Am I Being Ghosted??

[erinash105]

Okay so preface, a mutual male friend of me and this guy (we will call him D) approached me early December about this guy whom he thought was perfect for me and wanted us to "court". He told me the guy knew about me and was super interested and wanted to know if I wanted to go out. Fast forward a few weeks and I tell my friend go for it. D starts texting me. We talk pretty much every day for about a week and then go on a first date. He tells our mutual friend he really likes me (and I really like him). We continue to talk and text daily or every other day and going out once a week (him always initiating both the dating and communicating; I only initiated texting maybe 3-4 times).

 

We went on a total of 5 dates, each were super fun where he complimented me (not flattery but actual personality compliments); super gentleman. Fast forward to last week. We go on a date Wednesday where he insists he wants to come pick me up to take me to dinner. We have a great dinner with a ton of laughing, he comes back to my place where we watched How I Met Your Mother, laughed, made out and talked for quite a while. When he was leaving, he told me to have a great time at an event I had the next day and I told him to have so much fun on the bachelor party he was going on this past weekend.

 

Thursday rolls around and he texts me continuing a silly conversation we had about PB&Js while I am at work and we text back and forth for a little while before I go to my event. After the event, I ended up hanging out with a group of people that included the mutual friend who set us up. He told me multiple times that he felt like D really liked me and that we were both awesome and that is why he hooked us up. Friday rolls around and I do not hear from him (no big deal because he had already told me his work would be super crazy for him trying to get off early for the trip and we had skipped several days of talking overall since we met). I then do not hear from him all weekend... Okay so I am just thinking he is on a guy's trip (which included our mutual friend) and I totally get not talking.

 

I then do not here from him Monday either.... I texted him Monday evening to ask how his trip went. He responded within 10 minutes to tell me that the trip was a blast but that his work day was not and that he had an incredibly long weekend ahead of him (he is also going to be out of town the next two weekends). We talked back and forth that night (albeit it was somewhat slow and he used less emojis until we went to bed). It is now Wednesday and I have not heard back from him and he has not asked me to do anything this week (we have done something weekly up to this point).

 

I am not sure if I am totally reading into this or if I am being phased out. He did use the word "we" on Monday while we were texting and he had told me early on when we first started talking that he normally does not have that much free time when it is not the holidays because of his crazy work schedule. I am really not sure what to think. I do not plan on texting or calling him again this week.

 

Up until this point he was seriously giving off the vibe that he was really into me (introducing me to his friends, hand holding, head kissing, sweet compliments, flirting and tickling). What happened???? (Also FYI I have a huge anxiety issue, so I could have totally created this bad situation).

[Wiseman2]

See how it plays out. He did mention his weekend trips and busy work weeks in advance, so not an afterthought. He may be getting more comfortable. Lay back and see if/when he contacts you how it goes.

We went on a total of 5 dates I then do not hear from him all weekend... Okay so I am just thinking he is on a guy's trip. I texted him Monday evening to ask how his trip went. He responded within 10 minutes to tell me that the trip was a blast but that his work day was not and that he had an incredibly long weekend ahead of him. he is also going to be out of town the next two weekends.

[SoulTaker]

It could be a combination of your "anxiety", along with the famous "hectic work schedule" excuse that everyone hates to hear (because you don't know whether or not it's true). It's still early in the dating stage, so it would be best to just wait for him to get back to you. Only you will know how long that "waiting period" should be.

[Jibralta]

I'd assume that his feelings changed for some reason and focus on turning my attention elsewhere. People can be fickle.

[j.man]

Have you asked to see him again? How many of the dates have you initiated? Seems a bit dramatic to assume he's ghosting you at this point.

[Matt3939]

I wouldn't worry yet. I'd ask when is the next time you could see him and see how he responds.

[SherrySher]

With his work schedule being as crazy busy as he says it is, it very plausible that he is just super busy and very tired when he does get home. Give it a bit more time and wait for him to contact you.

[erinash105]

So I have actually never initiated a date, it has always been him. Last night I texted him to ask if he was free to go to an event Friday night or if he was leaving right after work for his trip. He responded that he was sorry he had been so absent this week and he ended up getting sick and had been to the doctor on antibiotics. He then told me that unfortunately he was leaving right after work and that he would have definitely gone if not and that he appreciated the invite. I texted him back to let him know it was no big deal and to feel better and I didn't get a response.

[erinash105]

Have you asked to see him again? How many of the dates have you initiated? Seems a bit dramatic to assume he's ghosting you at this point.

 

So I have actually never initiated a date, it has always been him. Last night I texted him to ask if he was free to go to an event Friday night or if he was leaving right after work for his trip. He responded that he was sorry he had been so absent this week and he ended up getting sick and had been to the doctor on antibiotics. He then told me that unfortunately he was leaving right after work and that he would have definitely gone if not and that he appreciated the invite. I texted him back to let him know it was no big deal and to feel better and I didn't get a response.

[Chloee1988]

It's really hard to tell what he's feeling but play it by ear. He could really simply be overwhelmed with work or other commitments, or he could easily have lost interest in you

 

Let another few weeks pass by before bringing it up, but definitely don't run after him because for now, he clearly took a step back.

 

Based on my personal experience, I learned to always trust my gut feeling. So go with your gut feeling because you will generally be accurate. We tend to ignore the red flags because they don't fit with our desires and wishes, but me mindful of them. Then again, you may be completely imagining the whole thing but based on the info you provided, he looks less interested (for whatever reason).

 

Every time, a guy who was initially interested but suddenly backed off always turned out to be not interested in me for whatever reason.

[erinash105]

It's really hard to tell what he's feeling but play it by ear. He could really simply be overwhelmed with work or other commitments, or he could easily have lost interest in you

 

Let another few weeks pass by before bringing it up, but definitely don't run after him because for now, he clearly took a step back.

 

Based on my personal experience, I learned to always trust my gut feeling. So go with your gut feeling because you will generally be accurate. We tend to ignore the red flags because they don't fit with our desires and wishes, but me mindful of them. Then again, you may be completely imagining the whole thing but based on the info you provided, he looks less interested (for whatever reason).

 

Every time, a guy who was initially interested but suddenly backed off always turned out to be not interested in me for whatever reason.

 

Thanks Marci. I guess the thing is I am not sure what my gut feeling is... since he let me know beforehand that he would be busy and then apologized last night, I am torn. He is in his early thirties and I am in my mid twenties, so I am not sure if our communication styles are different. I can't see him being the type to ghost because he seems like such a standup guy (and we have a close mutual friend) but I guess you never know.

[Wiseman2]

You've done all you can so the ball is in his court. Wait for his contact now.

he let me know beforehand that he would be busy and then apologized last night, I am torn.

[spandora]

GAHHH i'm going through a similar thing myself. I won't hijack your thread, tho. I'll just post my own

[Betterwithout]

Kind of like fishing. It's exciting to bait the hook, drop it in the water and wait for a bite. Great excitement when the bite comes and you reel the fish in.

Now the fish (you) are in the bucket, so he can go back to managing his busy life.

He hasn't flown away, but you need to calm down the drama. It could all be legit.

Don't call or text him and see what happens. If the relationship fizzles, it wasn't meant to be, if he calls back, just enjoy the ride and don't get hung up on ("he didn't call for 23 hours")

[Jibralta]

I say listen to what your gut is telling you, and focus your attention elsewhere for a while. Don't go crazy second-guessing and changing your behavior just because he's changed his. Sets up a bad dynamic.