My boyfriend just broke up with me. Needing support

[mbee]

Hi All,

 

I was in a relationship with my now ex boyfriend for 5 months, so not a long time. I'm pretty shocked by the situation as the breakup seemed to happen out of nowhere. For some context, my boyfriend is 24 and I'm his first relationship. This was obvious something I was worried about when we started to date but I decided to give him a chance. Anyway for the holidays, I went to travel back home for 5 weeks. He also went on holiday for 2 weeks so we didn't see each other for almost 7 weeks. As anticipated, this was a little rough on our relationship but only a little bit. The time difference was 15 hours and we had a few conflicts over finding time to skype and be in contact with each other. We had a small fight because he forgot to call me during NYE for instance but we talked through it and I thought we had moved on. I had been hoping things would be better when I returned so we can get back to our regular routine. I just got back 1 week ago from today and things were pretty good when we saw each other. We both were sick during this time but we had a fun and wonderful time together. He seemed to enjoy being with me and talking to me like normal. Before we met up for the first time, he did get irritable with me via text and said I was being ridiculous and difficult. This came out of nowhere and was very uncharacteristic to him but I figured he was stressed from work and let it go.

 

He has a really stressful job and has been swamped with deadlines the past 2 weeks. Anyway we had only seen each other twice in the week I've returned which didn't seem like much. Tomorrow we had planned to go to an event with friends and then spend the evening together. But then he writes on the social media event how a game is on, that lasts till 11pm and how he cannot miss it. I decide to contact him and ask him what's up as I thought we were going to spend some quality time together. He gets irritated at me and says he cannot miss the game, so fair enough. We also had planned a romantic date for Saturday a week ago, and he asks if we can move it to Sunday instead (but I already have plans). At this point, I'm feeling like he's not enthused to see me, so I let him know that I could be totally wrong but I feel like he's not that excited to see me. He gets really defensive and then says he was planning to talk to me about this on our next date as he's not sure about his feelings for me and is having doubts about our relationship.

 

I'm really confused and he lives 15 minutes walk from me so he comes over and breaks up with me! He says when I was gone for those 7 weeks that he enjoyed his space, that he had doubts when we had that argument over the missed call for NYE and that we don't seem to be in sync. He said he thinks I'm wonderful but his feelings have diminished. I tell him we can work things out, that these are small misunderstandings and that all relationships take communication and compromise. I tell him for the first time that I love him and am happy with him, but I cannot force him to want to be with me and to want things to work. And he continued to say we should break up, and he cried and then he said goodbye and that's it.

 

I'm just in shock. I've been in bad relationships before. I know what red flags and yellow flags look like. We had a couple of hiccups long distance, we talked about them, worked it out. Nothing seemed wrong with our relationship, he just didn't want to make any effort. Please any support or advice or any kind words would be helpful. I've been single for 3 years before meeting him and he's the first guy I loved since my ex and wanted to be with, and actually could see a future with. I just feel like the relationship ended prematurely.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like your intuition about this being his first relationship was correct.

 

He doesn't seem ready for a relationship past casual dating.

 

It would be best not to convince him of anything and instead go strict no contact and delete and block him.

I was in a relationship with my now ex boyfriend for 5 months.my boyfriend is 24 and I'm his first relationship. This was obvious something I was worried about when we started to date but I decided to give him a chance. He says when I was gone for those 7 weeks that he enjoyed his space, that he had doubts when we had that argument over the missed call for NYE and that we don't seem to be in sync.

[Hedgehog]

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this

 

You said nothing seemed wrong in your relationship, so maybe he might change his mind once he realises that he's missing you. Whatever happens, you deserve to be with somebody who is willing to make time for you.

 

All I can suggest is to try and some spend time with close friends to help you get through it.